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Am I being unfair?

  1. #1
    Permanent N00b -Dutch-'s Avatar
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    Am I being unfair?


    I told my girlfriend that if she wants an engagement ring then I want a stage 3 clutch. Cost is comparable. She seems to think that girls should get special treatment for an engagement. I told her we could trade roles and she could get me an engagement clutch while I got her nothing. It didn't go over well.

    Gender roles are bullshit.

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  2. #2
    Day late, dollar short carsick's Avatar
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    Re: Am I being unfair?

    Good to see you're clarifying this before the marriage, house, kids, and in-laws living with you.

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    99 + 02 SV650 ex-race - 91 FJ1200 street - 05 YZ450F ice - 03 KDX220R woods - 00 WR400 MOTARD!

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    Permanent N00b -Dutch-'s Avatar
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    Re: Am I being unfair?

    Oh, yeah. I also need to buy a house, truck, and dog.

    I really want a dog.

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  4. #4
    Lifer
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    Re: Am I being unfair?

    Put a down payment on a home, and ask her to move in with you. If she's still all about the ring, replace her with a more current model that has their priorities in order.

    I think you're on the ball. The times, they are a changing. And I never understood why a couple should put money in to jewelry at a time in their life when that money could be way better used. But I'm single and no one will ever call me old fashioned so be careful who you listen to

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    Permanent N00b -Dutch-'s Avatar
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    Re: Am I being unfair?

    We already live together. It's just a shitty apartment instead of a house.

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  6. #6
    Permanent N00b -Dutch-'s Avatar
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    Re: Am I being unfair?

    Quote Originally Posted by aldend123 View Post
    If she's still all about the ring, replace her with a more current model that has their priorities in order.
    Mentioning this possibility did not have a favorable effect.

    Now she's mad at me and you guys.

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  7. #7
    Lifer SteveM's Avatar
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    Re: Am I being unfair?

    You asked her if she wants an engagement ring?

    What did you expect her answer to be?

    Yikes, did you just land on this planet?

    From your perspective, you just saved 1/2 the assets you would have lost in the divorce.

    From her perspective she just saw a part of you that should make her re-assess her options. If she thinks she can do better, you're gone, if she doesn't, she'll stick around resentfully.

    IMO you played this badly. give first, don't expect to get, this kind of a relationship should not be quid pro quo.

    I'm am curious about one thing, what's the relative earning status between you two?

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  8. #8
    Changes come butcher bergs's Avatar
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    Re: Am I being unfair?

    Quote Originally Posted by -Dutch- View Post
    Now she's mad at me and you guys.




    Oh no. Not that!


    A ring is low on the priority list when considering the grand scheme of life however it will appreciate in value while your Stage 3 clutch will not.

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    Hand Bra Designer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Am I being unfair?

    This thread has epic potential.

    If you are shopping for engagement rings, find out what her father gave her mother. That's where the bar is set.

    There are a lot of jewelers who buy poor grades (more color, usually) and cut them to maximize weight so the optical properties suffer. And they offer stories about what it has not been graded by one of the two independent grading labs.

    If they show you premounted, uncertified stones and tout the caret weight, run. The biggest shyster was a dealer referred by friends in the Diamond Building in Boston: it quickly became apparent my friends knew absolutely nothing about diamonds and had been taken for a ride. She was wearing a 2 1/2 caret stone that had a distinct yellow tint and had been cut to maximize weight, not optics. Yet she and her husband were very proud of it.

    High end jewelry stores will give you more choices for any budget you throw out there. We bought at a shop that showed us quite a few loose diamonds of different sizes and cuts. The buyer showed us that, since most diamonds have internal imperfections) he'd carefully chosen gems so those imperfections were where they least affected the reflections, which are truly amazing in a well cut, clear diamond.

    As far as being an "investment" it appears the stone we bought 20 years ago is worth somewhere from same to 30% less than we paid. Online sellers like Blue Nile (How to Buy a Diamond: 4C's Diamond Buying Guide | Blue Nile) have reduced margins a lot. Don't buy the "appreciation" story.

    Ironically, the owner of the (at the time) small jeweler we bought our stone from (and were treated well, no regrets) was recently arrested on wire fraud charges when he returned to the US from India. Former owner of Alpha Omega Jewelry in Boston arrested on fraud charges after years on the run | masslive.com

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    Last edited by Garandman; 05-13-17 at 06:50 AM.
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    Burns retinas nhbubba's Avatar
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    Re: Am I being unfair?

    Quote Originally Posted by Garandman View Post
    She was wearing a 2 1/2 caret stone that had a distinct yellow tint and had been cut to maximize weight, not optics.
    Geebuz!

    Quote Originally Posted by Garandman View Post
    Yet she and her husband were very proud of it.
    But then isn't that the only thing that really matters?!

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  11. #11
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    Re: Am I being unfair?

    Crap this thread is hitting us at the start of riding season. Would have made winter even shorter if it had sprung up in November.

    Engagement rings are all marketing BS. It all started about 100 years ago with the Euro-crats and after WW2 De Beers launched the ads to the GI's getting married. Now it's a formula of (income per month)x2.

    Still if you love the girl you are about making her happy. Understanding the social impact of what the ring represents and commitment in finances to make it happen. This is actually just like a little marriage test. If you both don't buy into this as the necessity then great. But seriously if you don't understand how a guy needs to show a girl commitment in this socially accepted manner you probably shouldn't get married.

    Going deep here - Life is about sowing seeds and seeing if you get the return long after the seeds were planted. Instant gratification is a cancer of epic proportions in our society. If you aren't taking risks and being vulnerable then your return on investment will always be weak. Think about all the movies men like to watch. The hero is taking risks and pulling that shit off. Be the hero of your own movie. If you love her, buy the fucking ring. Start planting seeds that will be harvested when you are older and she doesn't leave your tied ass after all the petty shit about matching money spent produce their fruit of bitterness.

    A garage full of exotic motorcycles can't make up for being alone. Choose wisely young padawan.

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    Back marker... jwm2k3's Avatar
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    Re: Am I being unfair?

    First question. Stage 3? Do you really need that or is it overkill?

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    Senior Member AEG's Avatar
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    Re: Am I being unfair?

    Quote Originally Posted by butcher bergs View Post


    ...
    however it will appreciate in value while your Stage 3 clutch will not.
    Have you ever tried to sell the diamond ring? Do you know why the diamonds are forever? Because you are stuck with them. The biggest gimmick of the wedding and jewelry industry.

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  14. #14
    Burns retinas nhbubba's Avatar
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    Re: Am I being unfair?

    The only reason you should ever have to sell your engagement ring is because you shouldn't have bought it in the first place.

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    Re: Am I being unfair?

    Quote Originally Posted by AEG View Post
    Have you ever tried to sell the diamond ring?
    I've circumvented the entire problem by not taking the plunge in the first place.

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  16. #16
    Hand Bra Designer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Am I being unfair?

    Quote Originally Posted by nhbubba View Post
    Geebuz!

    But then isn't that the only thing that really matters?!
    They bought the "Ride a real motorcycle" of engagement rings.

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    Straight cash homey Pittenger5's Avatar
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    Re: Am I being unfair?

    Quote Originally Posted by butcher bergs View Post
    it will appreciate in value
    On what planet? Cause I still got a ring Id like to get rid of.

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    Lifer tsorfas's Avatar
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    Re: Am I being unfair?

    The only thing I have to add is that marriage shouldn't even be a thought if you don't own a house.

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    Lifer Imbeek's Avatar
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    Re: Am I being unfair?

    Not to be a dick but, IF AND ONLY IF getting engaged and getting married is the right move for you and her, then yeah, you are being unfair. Girls do get special treatment for engagement.


    Sorry, you asked...

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  20. #20
    Changes come butcher bergs's Avatar
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    Re: Am I being unfair?

    Quote Originally Posted by Pittenger5 View Post
    On what planet? Cause I still got a ring Id like to get rid of.
    Value and sale price are two different things.

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  21. #21
    Short bus rider Teamdineen's Avatar
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    Re: Am I being unfair?

    Take a poll. Has any guy ever said well after the marriage " I love her so much I really wish I spent all my savings and then some on a ring that has little to no value after purchase!

    Remember that diamonds are made in a lab. Moissanite Look into that. Ask her if she would like a Moissanite see what her response would be.

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  22. #22
    Super Moderator OreoGaborio's Avatar
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    Re: Am I being unfair?

    Quote Originally Posted by tsorfas View Post
    The only thing I have to add is that marriage shouldn't even be a thought if you don't own a house.
    You're aware that everyone's situation is different, right? This ain't no cookie cutter world we live in. Blanket statements like that are ridiculous.

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  23. #23
    Permanent N00b -Dutch-'s Avatar
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    Re: Am I being unfair?



    Holy shit, you guys are awesome. I should clarify a couple of things.

    1. This was a drunken joke post that my girlfriend is reading with me. You guys are supposed to be out riding.
    2. We live together and have discussed marriage and rings openly.
    3. Marketing BS aside, the ring is important to her and I do want to make her happy, I plan on buying one. I am also going to continue to tease her about the clutch.
    4. Yes, a stage 3 clutch is necessary. WHP is getting a roughly 40% bump in a couple of days and clutch slippage is only a matter of time.


    GIRLS ARE MEAN I WANT A CLUTCH FAIR TRADE OR GTFO

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    Last edited by -Dutch-; 05-13-17 at 11:20 AM.

  24. #24
    Lifer SteveM's Avatar
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    Re: Am I being unfair?

    Well if we're just going to throw out blanket criticisms of blanket generalities then I'm outta here!

    Owning a home as a precondition to marriage in today's housing market is nuts.

    But equating an engagement ring to a stage 3 clutch and expecting it to go over well with your girl shows a real lack of understanding. Hyper rational thinking is a low success probability strategy with women...

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  25. #25
    Your Father csmutty's Avatar
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    Re: Am I being unfair?

    I thought your original post was right on.

    Guess I haven't met someone who was remotely worth it yet haha.

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