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Having a Bad Day ?

  1. #1
    aka Johnny Valve Stem need4speed's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Location
    Brookfield,CT
    Posts
    2,245

    Having a Bad Day ?


    This will help keep things in perspective. Having a bad day?

    There was a case in one hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients
    always
    died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11a.m.,
    regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some
    even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one
    could
    solve the mystery...as to why the deaths occurred around 11 a.m. on
    Sundays.
    So a World-Wide team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of
    the incidents.

    The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11 a.m., all doctors and
    nurses nervously wait outside the ward to see for themselves what the
    terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses,
    prayer
    books and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits. Just when the
    clock struck 11... Pookie Johnson, The part-time Sunday Sweeper, entered
    the
    ward and unplugged the life support system so that he could use the vacuum
    cleaner.

    Having a Bad Day?

    The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill
    in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively
    saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and
    applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate
    them both.

    Still think you are having a bad day?

    A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically,
    almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist
    towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly
    current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in
    two
    places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

    STILL think you're having a bad day?

    Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending
    pigs
    to a slaughterhouse in Bonn, Germany. Suddenly, all two thousand pigs
    broke
    loose and escaped through a broken fence, stampeding madly. The two
    helpless
    protesters were trampled to death.

    What? STILL having a bad day?

    Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didn't pay enough postage on a letter bomb.
    It
    came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the
    bomb,
    he opened it and was blown to bits.There now, feeling better?



    - If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced
    enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.)


    - If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is
    produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like
    it!)

    - The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to
    squirt blood 30 feet. (Oh My God!)

    - A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.)


    - A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to
    death. (Creepy...I'm still not over the pig.)

    - Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Do not try
    this at home...... maybe at work.)

    - The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to
    its
    body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. ("Honey,
    I'm
    home. What the....?!")

    - The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping
    the
    length of a football field. (30 minutes... lucky pig... can you imagine??)

    - The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the
    bottom of a pond?)

    - Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my
    next
    life...quality over quantity)


    - Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.)

    - The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm........)

    - Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed
    people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

    - Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (OK, so that would be a
    good thing....)

    - A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to
    figure
    that out? Must have been one of those Texas A&M research studies!)

    - An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like
    that.)

    - Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that too.)


    - Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot
    longer.)

    - Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
    (What
    about that pig??)

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!
    John
    LRRS\CCS #714
    2004 Duc 620 monster racebike
    89 EX500 racebike - sold
    98 Superhawk 996

    "To repeat what others have said, requires education; to challenge it, requires brains".


  2. #2
    I Dance With Will
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Location
    unknown
    Posts
    8,726

    Having a Bad Day ?

    gotta love the pig.

    so pigs have lots of fat. now im wondering same thing about the "you know who" people.

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!
    "fuckit!"

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