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I Can't Kill It!

  1. #1
    Kosher Assassin Stoneman's Avatar
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    I Can't Kill It!

    Fuckin' piece of shit Craftsman with a piece of shit B&S engine. Bought TWELVE years ago and I haven't done a fuggin' thing to it. I can't even say for certain if I've ever ADDED oil, never mind CHANGE it. Shit, I can't even remember if I've so much as tapped out the air filter. You see, in order for me to get a new one, this one must die. And I desperately need a rider for my little patch of lawn. My intent has been over the last 10 or so years to just neglect the shit outta it and just wait for it to die. I do NOT treat the gas in it, I don't remember ever changing the plug or adding oil or like I said even tapping out the air filter...

    Pulled it outta the garage last night hoping for the best, which in most cases would actually be the worst. I thought for sure this would be THEE year, especially with all the problems ethanol has been creating...

    I giggled with joy as I hit the primer bulb almost knowing that I'd soon be shopping for my new rider w/ cup holders and priming it would surely be of no help. Big Shirl & the kids were outside with me so I'd hafta put my best act on, making it appear that I was giving my best tug while trying to pull ever-so-gently on the starter rope. Anything I could do to assist it in NOT starting would surely work in my favor. I began running model options of my new Cub Cadet rider mower through my head, again with cup holders...

    That first gentle pull produced nothing but a big, brown cloud of smoke. One might be able to imagine the joy that hit me at that very moment, the moment we all realized that the mighty Craftsman had mowed it's last lawn. But then, as terms of my new rider w/ cup holders began to make themselves apparent, it inexplicably chugged over without even a second pull. Then again. Then again. Then once again. And then one more mighty time as it fired to life, clearing it's lungs of the disease that it carried all winter and spewed out one more brown puff of smoke as it mellowed into a gentle idle...

    FUCK MY LIFE...

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    Did you grit your teeth and try to look like Clint Fuckin' Eastwood?
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  2. #2
    Aka @DrDesmo TomBrady's Avatar
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    Re: I Can't Kill It!

    You could always put a can of NOS in it

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    "In the end, it is not about the 'hardware,' it is about the 'software.' Amateurs talk about hardware, or equipment, and professionals talk about software, or training and mental readiness."

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  3. #3
    calm like a bomb mikeb's Avatar
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    Re: I Can't Kill It!

    dude "accidentally" drop some metal shavings in it or drain the oil on the sly. done! the fuck if i'd wait 10 years for a rider.

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  4. #4
    I Dance With Will
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    Re: I Can't Kill It!

    so the first pull started it? you should go out to celebrate at friendly tonight.

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    "fuckit!"

  5. #5
    Kosher Assassin Stoneman's Avatar
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    Re: I Can't Kill It!

    Quote Originally Posted by mikeb View Post
    dude "accidentally" drop some metal shavings in it or drain the oil on the sly. done! the fuck if i'd wait 10 years for a rider.
    Big Shirl's a smart one. It's gotta die a natural death. I figured with all the neglect & the beating on it I do, it would've died LONG ago. Shit, last year I even left it out all summer. And you remember all the rain we got!

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    Did you grit your teeth and try to look like Clint Fuckin' Eastwood?
    Or did you lisp it all hangfisted like a fuckin' flower?

  6. #6
    Kosher Assassin Stoneman's Avatar
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    Re: I Can't Kill It!

    Quote Originally Posted by Kham View Post
    so the first pull started it? you should go out to celebrate at friendly tonight.
    Jeesus Kham, you're a genius! I should just have you do a valve job on it. THAT'D kill it for sure!

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    Did you grit your teeth and try to look like Clint Fuckin' Eastwood?
    Or did you lisp it all hangfisted like a fuckin' flower?

  7. #7
    Senior Member klepsta's Avatar
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    Re: I Can't Kill It!

    Quote Originally Posted by mikeb View Post
    dude "accidentally" drop some metal shavings in it or drain the oil on the sly. done! the fuck if i'd wait 10 years for a rider.
    It would probably still run like a top. My craftsman walk behind is the same way. First pull after sitting all winter started right up. Things are crazy.

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  8. #8
    I Dance With Will
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    Re: I Can't Kill It!

    Quote Originally Posted by Stoneman View Post
    Jeesus Kham, you're a genius! I should just have you do a valve job on it. THAT'D kill it for sure!
    waht are you talking about. my valve job didn't kill anything. dont spread rumor like that.

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    "fuckit!"

  9. #9
    Freak Posting snowborder's Avatar
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    Re: I Can't Kill It!

    I got 7 years on my craftsman, and like you never changed or added oil. Also, I leave mine out in the back field all year uncovered. I mow about an acre of field grass once a year with it as well. Mine won't die either. I have been looking for a deal with the right options to upgrade, just haven't found a great one yet.

    With regard to your mower, just over get into the throttle assembly and rev the fuck out of it every time you mow. How about a mower race?

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    Last edited by snowborder; 05-25-10 at 03:10 PM.
    2001 RC51!!!
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  10. #10
    Kosher Assassin Stoneman's Avatar
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    Re: I Can't Kill It!

    Quote Originally Posted by klepsta View Post
    It would probably still run like a top. My craftsman walk behind is the same way. First pull after sitting all winter started right up. Things are crazy.
    Quote Originally Posted by snowborder View Post
    I got 7 years on my craftsman, and like you never changed or added oil. Also, I leave mine out in the back field all year uncovered. I mow about an acre of field grass once a year with it as well. Mine won't die either.
    Just cracks me up how everyone around here says to stay away from Craftsman mowers & snowblowers, especially with the B&S motors. Yet I have both, both have the B&S motors, both are 10+ years old, I beat the piss outta both, and both won't quit. The lawnmower starts on the first pull EVERY TIME, and the snowblower has never taken more than 3 pulls - I've NEVER even used the elecric start on the snowblower...

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    Did you grit your teeth and try to look like Clint Fuckin' Eastwood?
    Or did you lisp it all hangfisted like a fuckin' flower?

  11. #11
    Member jayth's Avatar
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    Re: I Can't Kill It!

    10yrs ago I inherited an offshore underpowered absoute P.O.S. of a lawnmower from the wife's sister (read: ah sweetie instead of my sister goin' to the dump with this why don't you go get it). Fucker starts every time. She used it once when I was away, and I come home to "hey there's something wrong with the mower....Awesome..I start it up rap rap rap...Cool. Not to be though turns out she ran over the dog run and the blade nut backed off some Why did I even look

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  12. #12
    Just Registered ChrisNoF4i's Avatar
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    Re: I Can't Kill It!

    Quote Originally Posted by JAYTH View Post
    10yrs ago I inherited an offshore underpowered absoute P.O.S. of a lawnmower from the wife's sister (read: ah sweetie instead of my sister goin' to the dump with this why don't you go get it). Fucker starts every time. She used it once when I was away, and I come home to "hey there's something wrong with the mower....Awesome..I start it up rap rap rap...Cool. Not to be though turns out she ran over the dog run and the blade nut backed off some Why did I even look
    Sorry to hear about your dog, man. If you're looking for a new one, there are plenty of rescue dogs right in your area that are looking for their forever homes.

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  13. #13
    Lifer
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    Re: I Can't Kill It!

    My Craftsman push mower is 17 years old. I have not taken care of it at all. It still starts with one pull.
    My Craftsman V-twin riding mower is 7 years old and has not had any problems at all.
    I recently recieved an e-mail urging me to participate in a class action suit pertaining to most riding mowers. It seems that they were all over-rated in factory specified HP ratings.
    I couldn't care less, so I did not participate.

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  14. #14
    Pescador de Ilusões Eddie's Avatar
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    Re: I Can't Kill It!

    I think Stony should be a romance novel writer. Ever so eloquent. Hahahaha.


    But seriously, sorry for your ordeal.

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    Last edited by Eddie; 05-25-10 at 09:17 PM.

  15. #15
    Member jayth's Avatar
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    Re: I Can't Kill It!

    Quote Originally Posted by ChrisNoF4i View Post
    Sorry to hear about your dog, man. If you're looking for a new one, there are plenty of rescue dogs right in your area that are looking for their forever homes.
    It's cool he walked it off Fucker will not come outside if she's mowin' though....

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  16. #16
    Just ask, Be surprised!
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    Re: I Can't Kill It!

    Stoner, How about loosing the mower say be leaving it on the lawn with a small discret sign on is saying free

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  17. #17
    Kosher Assassin Stoneman's Avatar
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    Re: I Can't Kill It!

    Quote Originally Posted by BURZA View Post
    Stoner, How about loosing the mower say be leaving it on the lawn with a small discret sign on is saying free
    You've never seen where I live, eh?

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    Did you grit your teeth and try to look like Clint Fuckin' Eastwood?
    Or did you lisp it all hangfisted like a fuckin' flower?

  18. #18
    Lifer Currently's Avatar
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    Re: I Can't Kill It!

    Any chance it can get up your deck? *evil grin*

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  19. #19
    Just ask, Be surprised!
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    Re: I Can't Kill It!

    Quote Originally Posted by Stoneman View Post
    You've never seen where I live, eh?
    no, i am gonna guess though, not a lot of passers by to help you out.

    How about then leaving it behind lil Shirls car when she is backing out of the drive some day. I reckon she might be driving a large enough vehicle to not see it in the mirrors.

    or I swap you for my MTD yardman mower. I am quite sure my mower would not last out a year with your gentle treatment.

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    Last edited by BURZA; 05-25-10 at 10:12 PM.

  20. #20
    Lifer NobodySpecific's Avatar
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    Re: I Can't Kill It!

    I bought a heavily used Craftsman lawnmower for entirely too much money ($50). It has a decent amount of rust, the air filter looks original, the oil (which I just changed) was solid black, the spark plug was ugly, and when I tried to remove one of the bolts in the exhaust it immediately sheared off. I also had a gallon+ of really old mix which I ran through this stupid lawn mower. It ran fine at first, then ran like total crap. That was when I emptied the gas tank, changed the oil, changed the plug, and changed the blade, and other than being a bit cold blooded (starts first pull, but doesn't always stay running) it runs like a champ.

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  21. #21
    Just Registered Doc's Avatar
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    Re: I Can't Kill It!

    Quote Originally Posted by TomBrady View Post
    You could always put a can of NOS in it

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  22. #22
    Lifer
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    Re: I Can't Kill It!

    My craftsman riding mower finally died at the end of last season. Big oil leak - probably just the main seal on the shaft. It will still run, and the parts are probably less than $15.

    It's a 1984 with an 8 hp engine. My Grandfather bought it, I used it in high school to mow his lawn. My Sister inherited it when he moved into assisted living - they used it for 3 years. One spring it wouldn't start so they bought a JD. It ended up at my house - $6 for fuel lines, a filter, and carb cleaner and it was up and running. I think in the 6 years I've used it to mow close to 2 acres of VT hill (not a flat postage stamp) - I put less than $10 a year into it. Weld pulleys, new blade, starter solenoid, etc. - 1 oil change (more of a refill...). You just can't buy quality like that anymore...

    I did the math this year - a lawn service nails me $40 a week. It takes me 3 1/2 hours a whack - paying myself $10 an hour I come out $5 a week in the hole. But - I don't have to buy a mower. The break even point is something like 15 years...

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  23. #23
    Infected Slyder's Avatar
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    Re: I Can't Kill It!

    Quote Originally Posted by Stoneman View Post
    You see, in order for me to get a new one, this one must die.
    Got any hobby shops local or within a reasonable distance? Go get a jug of fuel for RC planes, top off the tank when the wife and kids aren't around and fire it up. Shouldn't be too long before a major engine component has a hole melted through the top of it.

    I imagine accidentally emptying a bottle of drygas (hey you *thought* the tank / lines had water in them) would have close to the same effect. But nitromethane is way cooler.

    Also in combination with either of the above, a string tied to the governor that you can manually pull for supercharger mode (helps when the grass is 2 feet tall) will also speed the process along.

    Guess you could just go to wally world and get some mothballs too.

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  24. #24
    Lifer rbrais's Avatar
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    Re: I Can't Kill It!

    Quote Originally Posted by Stoneman View Post
    Fuckin' piece of shit Craftsman with a piece of shit B&S engine. Bought TWELVE years ago and I haven't done a fuggin' thing to it. I can't even say for certain if I've ever ADDED oil, never mind CHANGE it. Shit, I can't even remember if I've so much as tapped out the air filter. You see, in order for me to get a new one, this one must die. And I desperately need a rider for my little patch of lawn. My intent has been over the last 10 or so years to just neglect the shit outta it and just wait for it to die. I do NOT treat the gas in it, I don't remember ever changing the plug or adding oil or like I said even tapping out the air filter...

    Pulled it outta the garage last night hoping for the best, which in most cases would actually be the worst. I thought for sure this would be THEE year, especially with all the problems ethanol has been creating...

    I giggled with joy as I hit the primer bulb almost knowing that I'd soon be shopping for my new rider w/ cup holders and priming it would surely be of no help. Big Shirl & the kids were outside with me so I'd hafta put my best act on, making it appear that I was giving my best tug while trying to pull ever-so-gently on the starter rope. Anything I could do to assist it in NOT starting would surely work in my favor. I began running model options of my new Cub Cadet rider mower through my head, again with cup holders...

    That first gentle pull produced nothing but a big, brown cloud of smoke. One might be able to imagine the joy that hit me at that very moment, the moment we all realized that the mighty Craftsman had mowed it's last lawn. But then, as terms of my new rider w/ cup holders began to make themselves apparent, it inexplicably chugged over without even a second pull. Then again. Then again. Then once again. And then one more mighty time as it fired to life, clearing it's lungs of the disease that it carried all winter and spewed out one more brown puff of smoke as it mellowed into a gentle idle...

    FUCK MY LIFE...
    Those old craftsman mowers are pretty good, even though they are rattle-traps, they don't die easily. The new ones are P.O.S. just like any tractor you buy at home Depot or Lowe's. The Deere's aren't the same as what a dealership would tell you to buy. They last a season (maybe less) for a 1 acre lawn before the pulleys start to go.

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  25. #25
    Posting Freak
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    Re: I Can't Kill It!

    maybe it can waterski?

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    Getting back into the game! Looking for my next bike!

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