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Cows

  1. #1
    Littering and........
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Vermont
    Posts
    7,233

    Talking Cows


    DEMOCRATIC


    You have two cows.
    Your neighbor has none.
    You feel guilty for being successful.
    Barbara Streisand sings for you.

    REPUBLICAN


    You have two cows.
    Your neighbor has none.
    So?

    SOCIALIST


    You have two cows.
    The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
    You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

    COMMUNIST


    You have two cows.
    The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
    You wait in line for hours to get it.
    It is expensive and sour.

    CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE


    You have two cows.
    You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

    BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE


    You have two cows.
    Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

    AMERICAN CORPORATION


    You have two cows.
    You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
    You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
    Your stock goes up.

    FRENCH CORPORATION


    You have two cows.
    You go on strike because you want three cows.
    You go to lunch and drink wine.
    Life is good.

    JAPANESE CORPORATION


    You have two cows.
    You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
    They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
    Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

    GERMAN CORPORATION


    You have two cows.
    You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
    Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

    ITALIAN CORPORATION


    You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
    While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
    You break for lunch.
    Life is good.

    RUSSIAN CORPORATION


    You have two cows.
    You have some vodka.
    You count them and learn you have five cows.
    You have some more vodka.
    You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
    The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

    TALIBAN CORPORATION


    You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
    You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
    You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

    IRAQI CORPORATION


    You have two cows.
    They go into hiding.
    They send radio tapes of their mooing.

    POLISH CORPORATION


    You have two bulls.
    Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

    BELGIAN CORPORATION


    You have one cow.
    The cow is schizophrenic.
    Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
    The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
    The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
    The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
    The cow dies happy.

    FLORIDA CORPORATION


    You have a black cow and a brown cow.
    Everyone votes for the best looking one.
    Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
    Some people vote for both.
    Some people vote for neither.
    Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
    Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

    CALIFORNIA CORPORATION


    You have millions of cows.
    They make real California cheese.
    Only five speak English.
    Most are illegals.
    Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

    0 Not allowed!

  2. #2
    Super Moderator OreoGaborio's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    Location
    MA
    Age
    39
    Posts
    36,723

    Cows

    Leave it to a Vermont Hick to explain the world of politics with an analogy involving livestock

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    -Pete LRRS/CCS #82 - ECK Racing, TonysTrackDays, Ironstone Ventures
    GMD Computrack Boston | Pine Motorparts/PBE Specialists | Phoenix Graphics | Woodcraft | Street & Competition | MTag-Pirelli | OnTrack Media

    The Garage: '03 Tuono | '06 SV650

  3. #3
    Angry Gumball RandyO's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Location
    Farmington, NH
    Age
    66
    Posts
    13,000

    Cows

    so when we goin cow tippin

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    RandyO
    IBA#9560
    A man with a gun is a citizen
    A man without a gun is a subject

  4. #4
    calm like a bomb mikeb's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    granite state
    Posts
    3,629

    Re: Cows

    [QUOTE]Originally posted by highsider

    JAPANESE CORPORATION


    You have two cows.
    You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
    They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
    Most are at the top of their class at cow school.




    0 Not allowed!

  5. #5
    Littering and........
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Vermont
    Posts
    7,233

    Cows

    Originally posted by OreoGaborio
    Leave it to a Vermont Hick to explain the world of politics with an analogy involving livestock
    We old-school Vermonters keep it simple.

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