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Daddy's Rules for Dating

  1. #1
    Full Tilt - Full Time Trackday Guru's Avatar
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    Daddy's Rules for Dating


    Rule One:
    If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

    Rule Two:
    You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

    Rule Three:

    I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

    Rule Four:
    I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

    Rule Five:
    It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early."

    Rule Six:
    I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

    Rule Seven:
    As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

    Rule Eight:
    The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

    Rule Nine:
    Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

    Rule Ten:
    Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
    But, before you even think of dating my daughter, you'll have to fill out the Application for Permission to Date My Daughter.

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    Mike
    Am #124

  2. #2
    Blingaphobe Devil1's Avatar
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    Re: Daddy's Rules for Dating

    lol even better

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    MSF RiderCoach


  3. #3
    Lifer Pittenger5's Avatar
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    Re: Daddy's Rules for Dating

    We can all learn from this example. NWS CAUSE OF LANGUAGE

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_Y9SQhcIjw

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    Zip Tie Alley #505

    Quote Originally Posted by Pookie View Post
    My favorite was you going through T2 with your eyes closed.

  4. #4
    calm like a bomb mikeb's Avatar
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    Re: Daddy's Rules for Dating

    Quote Originally Posted by Pittenger5 View Post
    We can all learn from this example. NWS CAUSE OF LANGUAGE

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_Y9SQhcIjw

    AWESOME

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  5. #5
    Just Registered Nix's Avatar
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    Re: Daddy's Rules for Dating

    Such a great post. My daughter's due in 4 weeks...this is going into the archive for when she gets her Batmitzvah money. We're not jewish...but those batmitzvah's get a considerably higher payout than any confirmation I've ever been to so it seems best to go that route.

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  6. #6
    Just Registered Doc's Avatar
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    Re: Daddy's Rules for Dating

    "You see that lil girl over there? That is my daughter, she is my life. If you have any thoughts about huggin on her or kissing her.... I have no problem going BACK to prison"

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    "I'd rather ride a slow bike fast than a fast bike slow"
    Bikes: Ducati: 748 (Track) Honda: RC31 (Race/street)/ CRF 110 Mini Moto/ Hawk Endurance Racer Kawasaki: ZXR1200R
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  7. #7
    Back marker... jwm2k3's Avatar
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    Re: Daddy's Rules for Dating

    Nice one TDG

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    Johnny

    Its an Italian bike...Ive had (have?) a few

  8. #8
    Full Tilt - Full Time Trackday Guru's Avatar
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    Re: Daddy's Rules for Dating

    How old are you?........Damn, Ni*** - you at least 30.
    LOL
    PRICELESS

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    Mike
    Am #124

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