Welcome to NESR! Most features of this site require registration, including replying to threads, sending private messages, starting new threads, and uploading files. Click here to register.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 31

What would you say to your father if there was no tomorrow?

  1. #1
    Day late, dollar short carsick's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    2,997

    Unhappy What would you say to your father if there was no tomorrow?


    I would like to know what others have/would say? Sorry for the late question.

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!
    99 + 02 SV650 ex-race - 91 FJ1200 street - 03 KDX220R woods - 12 WR450F motard/ice

  2. #2

    Re: What would you say to your father if there was no tomorrow?

    kind of personal stuff, so will send a pm

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!
    FREE $10 UBER CREDIT W' PROMO CODE --> PON41
    1994 Yamaha YZ250 CA Street Legal 2-smoke :smoke: ** 2005 Kawasaki Ninja 500R **
    instagram @veshlife

  3. #3
    Powered by Kurtz theducman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Location
    Meriden CT
    Age
    36
    Posts
    1,497

    Re: What would you say to your father if there was no tomorrow?

    Thanks for being my hero

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!
    Ducati/MV Agusta/Kawasaki/Honda
    LRRS AM# 772
    Boston Tier 1 Racing
    Yoshimura / Lucas Oil / DP Brakes / AXO America / Vortex Racing/ Woodcraft/ Racer Gloves

  4. #4
    TRACK RAT!!!!! Pigman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Pembroke NH
    Posts
    7,040

    Re: What would you say to your father if there was no tomorrow?

    Lost my Dad to Cancer.......was very tough. This one is easy ---------- I love you

    3 Not allowed! Not allowed!

  5. #5
    Lifer Imbeek's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    Southwick,MA
    Posts
    2,365

    Re: What would you say to your father if there was no tomorrow?

    depends on how much he's cared about being a good dad during his life. I wouldn't bullshit him but if he's been a great dad, I'm sure it'd feel good to hear it. For me in that spot as the dad, that'd be one of the most important things I could possibly hear...

    At some point everyone asks themselves if they did a damn thing good on this earth while they were here. If it's a good answer, give it to him. If not, maybe forgiveness

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!

  6. #6
    Back marker... jwm2k3's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Salem, MA
    Age
    48
    Posts
    5,272

    Re: What would you say to your father if there was no tomorrow?

    Dad, you fucked up fatherhood and we both suffered greatly because of that.

    You were an absentee father and said you cared and were interested in being Dad and being part of my life, but your actions never matched your words. When you and Mom split up you used me to try and hurt her. It never worked, you only hurt me. All those times, as a young kid, I would be waiting at the front door with my jacket on, looking out the window, waiting for you to pick me up and time after time you wouldnt show up. When you would take me to my hockey games, afterward all you would do is yell at me telling me I should have skated harder or husteled more. I was 10, I wanted to play to have fun, you wanted to win through me. That was not right and was damaging. All the bad things you said about Mom, knowing it would get back to her, only made me upset. You never helped Mom financially, never paid one cent of child support. It was really hard to get by, but we did it. We did it without you. Mom had to be a mother, father and a friend to me. Luckily my uncles were caring, loving people. Moms family, MY family, always was there. You weren't. Not there physically, emotionally, financially. As I grew up and became a man and got married, you still gave me the same old lines, that you cared and wanted to be part of my life, and Dad, you know I gave you every chance. Forgave and forgot each and every time. But the let downs happened again and again. When I had kids of my own, you met them a few times. They called you Grampa John. They were young and expressed love to you. My constant forgiveness and their love couldnt even get you to be part of our lives. You just couldn't do it. Why? There was never huge conflict. The last straw for me, as you know, was when I invited you to a Patriots game. As you know Im a season ticket holder for many years. You know how much a part of me that is, hell, Ive not missed a single home game in over 10 years. I told you I had everything, the tailgate setup, the steak, the chicken, sides, the grill, the beer, the ez up tent, the tickets and we were gonna take my truck. Dont worry, I said. I got it all, y9u dont need anything. Just show up at my house at 9 and everything is all set. I called you a week before and two days before. Both times you were all in. Gameday comes, the truck is packed, Im excited to goto the game with you Dad. Lets be a real father/son team. We never have been before, and now youre coming into my 'world', my 'Disneyland'. The Patriots, my passion. This is gonna be great, theres gonna be father, son bonding and we can have an excellent time and an excellent memory. 830am, Im ready and talking all about how its gonna be great. My wife and kids can see the joy in me. 9am and youre not here yet. No problem, things happen, maybe traffic. 930, Im standing at my front door looking out the window, my jacket on. My wife is now trying to stay positive, but I can see the disappointment in her face. 10am and now shes mad. Shes mad youre doing it to me again. Shes mad youve done this to me for over 25 years. I called your house phone and left a message. I called your cell and left a message. 1015, now Im worried if youre ok. I leave a few more messages just pleading for you to call me back to let me know you are ok. My wife is now pissed. She can feel how dejected and upset I am. It happened again. For the millionth time. Its 1030 and the game starts at 1. My emotions change to anger. Fuck it, Im going to the game by myself. Tailgate by myself, sit next to an empty seat.

    Dad, this has shaped who I am. Thankfully Mom was amazing and made sure I had a good life without a father, made sure I am pretty well adjusted. That day, when I went to the game alone, I had ample time to really, deeply think about all of this. I decided that Ill never speak to you again. I just dont want to hit my head against the same friggin wall over and over. I do not want the same disappointment over and over. You wont change, I cant make you.

    My biggest fear in all of this is that the cycle would repeat and I would become you. Guess what Dad? I didnt. The cycle did not repeat. I love my daughters, they love me. We talk, text, snapchat all the time. I spend as much time with them as we can. They are 15 and 18 now, so scheduling time around their friends is tough, but believe me Dad, they dont feel neglected or that Im not there for them.

    I am a million times better at being a father than you.

    6 Not allowed! Not allowed!
    Last edited by jwm2k3; 03-03-17 at 07:50 AM.
    Johnny

    Its an Italian bike...Ive had (have?) a few

  7. #7
    Lifer Stromper's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Eastern Ct
    Posts
    3,248

    Re: What would you say to your father if there was no tomorrow?

    See you on the other side

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!
    The calculus of hate

    It is not that I should win it is that you should lose
    It is not that I succeed it is that you fail
    It is not that I should live it is that you should die

  8. #8
    Lifer NPDCPA's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    North of Boston, Massachusetts
    Posts
    1,275

    Re: What would you say to your father if there was no tomorrow?

    My father is like an ex-boss that I see from time to time. I've given up on making anything out of it, but if I was going to say something it would be thanks for showing me what a shitty father and grandfather looks like, which made me do my best NOT to be that way.

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!

  9. #9
    Lifer Chippertheripper's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    the fairest of havens
    Age
    41
    Posts
    13,998

    Re: What would you say to your father if there was no tomorrow?

    Something honest.

    2 Not allowed! Not allowed!
    Cliff's Cycles KTM
    NETRA enduro B-vet
    Close your eyes, look deep in your soul, step outside yourself and let your mind go.

  10. #10
    Backwoods lobster boy number9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Hanover, NH
    Posts
    4,284

    Re: What would you say to your father if there was no tomorrow?

    Can I borrow $20k? I'll pay you back tomorrow..

    3 Not allowed! Not allowed!
    '02 Ducati 998, '08 Ducati HyperMotard 1100S, '14 Subaru XV Crosstrek

  11. #11

    Re: What would you say to your father if there was no tomorrow?

    Quote Originally Posted by jwm2k3 View Post
    Dad, you fucked up fatherhood and we both suffered greatly because of that.

    You were an absentee father and said you cared and were interested in being Dad and being part of my life, but your actions never matched your words. When you and Mom split up you used me to try and hurt her. It never worked, you only hurt me. All those times, as a young kid, I would be waiting at the front door with my jacket on, looking out the window, waiting for you to pick me up and time after time you wouldnt show up. When you would take me to my hockey games, afterward all you would do is yell at me telling me I should have skated harder or husteled more. I was 10, I wanted to play to have fun, you wanted to win through me. That was not right and was damaging. All the bad things you said about Mom, knowing it would get back to her, only made me upset. You never helped Mom financially, never paid one cent of child support. It was really hard to get by, but we did it. We did it without you. Mom had to be a mother, father and a friend to me. Luckily my uncles were caring, loving people. Moms family, MY family, always was there. You weren't. Not there physically, emotionally, financially. As I grew up and became a man and got married, you still gave me the same old lines, that you cared and wanted to be part of my life, and Dad, you know I gave you every chance. Forgave and forgot each and every time. But the let downs happened again and again. When I had kids of my own, you met them a few times. They called you Grampa John. They were young and expressed love to you. My constant forgiveness and their love couldnt even get you to be part of our lives. You just couldn't do it. Why? There was never huge conflict. The last straw for me, as you know, was when I invited you to a Patriots game. As you know Im a season ticket holder for many years. You know how much a part of me that is, hell, Ive not missed a single home game in over 10 years. I told you I had everything, the tailgate setup, the steak, the chicken, sides, the grill, the beer, the ez up tent, the tickets and we were gonna take my truck. Dont worry, I said. I got it all, y9u dont need anything. Just show up at my house at 9 and everything is all set. I called you a week before and two days before. Both times you were all in. Gameday comes, the truck is packed, Im excited to goto the game with you Dad. Lets be a real father/son team. We never have been before, and now youre coming into my 'world', my 'Disneyland'. The Patriots, my passion. This is gonna be great, theres gonna be father, son bonding and we can have an excellent time and an excellent memory. 830am, Im ready and talking all about how its gonna be great. My wife and kids can see the joy in me. 9am and youre not here yet. No problem, things happen, maybe traffic. 930, Im standing at my front door looking out the window, my jacket on. My wife is now trying to stay positive, but I can see the disappointment in her face. 10am and now shes mad. Shes mad youre doing it to me again. Shes mad youve done this to me for over 25 years. I called your house phone and left a message. I called your cell and left a message. 1015, now Im worried if youre ok. I leave a few more messages just pleading for you to call me back to let me know you are ok. My wife is now pissed. She can feel how dejected and upset I am. It happened again. For the millionth time. Its 1030 and the game starts at 1. My emotions change to anger. Fuck it, Im going to the game by myself. Tailgate by myself, sit next to an empty seat.

    Dad, this has shaped who I am. Thankfully Mom was amazing and made sure I had a good life without a father, made sure I am pretty well adjusted. That day, when I went to the game alone, I had ample time to really, deeply think about all of this. I decided that Ill never speak to you again. I just dont want to hit my head against the same friggin wall over and over. I do not want the same disappointment over and over. You wont change, I cant make you.

    My biggest fear in all of this is that the cycle would repeat and I would become you. Guess what Dad? I didnt. The cycle did not repeat. I love my daughters, they love me. We talk, text, snapchat all the time. I spend as much time with them as we can. They are 15 and 18 now, so scheduling time around their friends is tough, but believe me Dad, they dont feel neglected or that Im not there for them.

    I am a million times better at being a father than you.
    Are we brothers?

    1 Not allowed! Not allowed!

  12. #12
    Lifer Imbeek's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2012
    Location
    Southwick,MA
    Posts
    2,365

    Re: What would you say to your father if there was no tomorrow?

    Quote Originally Posted by tsorfas View Post
    Are we brothers?
    Wait...me too?

    Thank goodness for good moms!

    I've let it go though, totally. Some people are just fuckups...on closer examination they've been worse enemies to themselves than they could ever be to you, and instilling the desire to be a great dad to MY kids is a nice collateral consequence

    PS Sorry for your loss, Doug

    1 Not allowed! Not allowed!

  13. #13

    Re: What would you say to your father if there was no tomorrow?

    Sorry for your loss Doug

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!

  14. #14
    Super Moderator TheIglu's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2003
    Location
    Royalston, MA
    Age
    40
    Posts
    20,353

    Re: What would you say to your father if there was no tomorrow?

    I hope you two got a chance to say goodbye. Sorry for your loss.

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!
    -Clayton
    2006 Suzuki SV650
    2004 Suzuki Vstrom 650
    2001 Kawasaki ZRX1200R
    1982 Honda CB750F Super Sport

  15. #15
    Lifer PhilB's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Location
    Pittsfield, NH
    Age
    57
    Posts
    3,131

    Re: What would you say to your father if there was no tomorrow?

    Unfortunately it would be kind of an "I told you so". I would say that I wish he had taken better care of himself. I said to him several times over the years that he needed to take care of his health, that I wanted him around for a long time, wanted him to know his grandchildren and great-grandchildren. He's 80 now, in assisted living with a long list of diagnoses, taking 25 medicines on 10 different schedules, in a wheelchair, and pretty much doing nothing but watching TV.

    His mom was living independently into her 90's, and I remember her parents (my great-grandparents) being active in their 90's, reading me stories when I was small; I was 12 when they passed, so I got to know them some. My grandson is almost a year old. My father will probably pass before the kid is old enough to remember him much.

    PhilB

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!
    "A free man must be able to endure it when his fellow men act and live otherwise than he considers proper." -- Ludwig von Mises
    1993 Ducati Monster M900; 265,000 miles -- killed by minivan 30Oct17

  16. #16
    Super Adventurer SRTie4k's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Dublin, NH
    Age
    36
    Posts
    4,952

    Re: What would you say to your father if there was no tomorrow?

    Usually this question is asked because of a divide between two people. So I would recommend one of the following:

    1. I'm sorry
    2. I forgive you

    It's not even remotely easy, but its the mark of a deeply humble and good person to be able to forgive or ask for forgiveness, despite potentially years of resentment, anger and/or hatred.

    1 Not allowed! Not allowed!
    2015 KTM 1290 Super Adventure
    2017 Honda CRF250L Rally

  17. #17
    Lifer Falko's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    MoonTown
    Posts
    5,092

    Re: What would you say to your father if there was no tomorrow?

    I scratched the car...

    But seriously, I would tell him I'm sorry and that I understand why the way he was.

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!
    Dad's Dream: Earn enough money to live the life that his wife and kids do.

  18. #18
    Lifer Kenn157's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Salisbury Beach, MA
    Posts
    5,734

    Re: What would you say to your father if there was no tomorrow?

    I wish I could have been a father...

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!

  19. #19
    Your Father csmutty's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Pomfret Center, CT
    Age
    29
    Posts
    10,937

    Re: What would you say to your father if there was no tomorrow?

    Sorry for your loss Doug.

    My father has been nothing short of a great role model. The more I think about it the more I think that I love you doesn't seem to cover the extent of how I feel. I really don't know if words can express everything.

    1 Not allowed! Not allowed!
    -Christian LRRS/CCS HasBeen ECK Racing
    2011 Pit Bike Race CHAMPION!

  20. #20
    Day late, dollar short carsick's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    2,997

    Re: What would you say to your father if there was no tomorrow?

    In the immortal words of Monty Python, he is against all expectations "not dead yet". I did not expect the conversation to go this far. Thank you with all sincerity to all who have posted. Some may have had it slightly worse than I, some a great deal better. It's more no memories, than bad ones.
    I hit the high points suggested here. I feel thankful I got a last chance. I have resolved in the past and continue to strive to make my children's lives better than mine in every way. I think they will miss me a great deal. After I've spent all their inheritance on bike stuff.

    8 Not allowed! Not allowed!
    Last edited by carsick; 03-05-17 at 11:20 AM. Reason: clarity of tone
    99 + 02 SV650 ex-race - 91 FJ1200 street - 03 KDX220R woods - 12 WR450F motard/ice

  21. #21
    Lifer Tekime's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Location
    Falmouth, ME
    Age
    41
    Posts
    1,336

    Re: What would you say to your father if there was no tomorrow?

    Monty Python reference is automatic +10 street cred. Sorry to hear you're going through this.

    I would have had something very different to say to my dad 30, 20, 10 years ago vs today. There have been some low lows, and my mind still can't help but wander back into the pit of anger and loneliness that was most of my teenage years, but I'm thankful to have a dad that loves his kids and takes care of himself. Time can change a lot of things. I've learned how to be and how not to be with my kid, and accept that each generation is a reflection of the previous one. Since my daughter was born I can't count the number of times I've been talking to her and heard my dad's voice coming out of my mouth.

    If I was to lose my dad tomorrow, I'd be crushed. It ain't worth holding on to any of the negative for me - I'd tell him thank you and I love you and just cherish the little time left.

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!
    05GSXR75005SV65090DR350

  22. #22
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Dorchester, MA / Mt Sunapee, NH
    Posts
    11,120

    Re: What would you say to your father if there was no tomorrow?

    A friend of mine said something to me I found helpful.

    "You're just going to have to tell people you wish you had a better relationship with your father, but that hasn't worked out for you."

    My dad grew up in a family with an often-absent mother, during the depression. He went from HS t oan aircraft carrier, had a lot of health problems later in life, and didn't have much money. At the time I didn't have any money to spare, either. He tried his best, and raised four pretty successful kids. Wish he'd been able to relax and enjoy life instead of always being on a tight budget.

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!
    If you get a thumbs down from me, pm me, it was inadvertent

  23. #23
    Day late, dollar short carsick's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    2,997

    Re: What would you say to your father if there was no tomorrow?

    Just got the call. I'm gonna close up shop and go ride ice.

    1 Not allowed! Not allowed!
    99 + 02 SV650 ex-race - 91 FJ1200 street - 03 KDX220R woods - 12 WR450F motard/ice

  24. #24
    Lifer Chippertheripper's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    the fairest of havens
    Age
    41
    Posts
    13,998

    Re: What would you say to your father if there was no tomorrow?

    Best wishes, man.

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!
    Cliff's Cycles KTM
    NETRA enduro B-vet
    Close your eyes, look deep in your soul, step outside yourself and let your mind go.

  25. #25
    Burns retinas nhbubba's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Seacoast NH
    Posts
    17,092

    Re: What would you say to your father if there was no tomorrow?


    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •