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Instructions for putting up a Christmas Tree

  1. #1
    Littering and........
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    Angry Instructions for putting up a Christmas Tree


    Step 1 - Spend ten minutes finding your Christmas tree stand.

    Step 2 - Bring in wet, sappy tree.

    Step 3 - Stuff tree in tree stand. Find out that tree is WAYYY too fucking tall.

    Step 3 - Cut about 3,000 irritating, sappy branches off tree so you can get to the trunk to make the fucking thing shorter.

    Step 4 - Stuff tree in stand. Listen to wife bitch that you cut too much off, and the tree is now too short.

    Step 5 - Being aligning tree so that it stands up straight. Get approximately a gallon of sappy water dripped on you. Attempt not to murder wife after 73rd attempt at making tree straight, while she says, "No, I think you had it right last time....."

    Step 6 - Spend remainder of your day attempting to remove sap from your fingers.


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  2. #2
    Tie me up not down Jaynnus's Avatar
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    Instructions for putting up a Christmas Tree

    Now I remember....that's why I need a guy!! This damn sap on my hands is driving me crazy

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    MSF RiderCoach
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    Quote Originally Posted by 5TOEZ View Post
    #5 Hangout w/Jaynnus................
    she rides like the wind
    & smells good too.
    PKism: you don't count, you're just a guy with indoor plumbing

  3. #3
    Super Moderator OreoGaborio's Avatar
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    Instructions for putting up a Christmas Tree

    Originally posted by Jaynnus
    This damn sap on my hands is driving me crazy
    i thought you said you need a guy... sounds like you got that part covered

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    -Pete LRRS/CCS #82 - ECK Racing, TonysTrackDays
    GMD Computrack Boston | Pine Motorparts/PBE Specialists | Phoenix Graphics | Woodcraft | MTag-Pirelli | OnTrack Media

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  4. #4
    Lifer oreo_n2's Avatar
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    Instructions for putting up a Christmas Tree

    kerosene takes that sap right off!

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    Brent LRRS #772
    2006 KTM 560 SMR

  5. #5
    Tie me up not down Jaynnus's Avatar
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    Instructions for putting up a Christmas Tree

    Originally posted by OreoGaborio
    i thought you said you need a guy... sounds like you got that part covered

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    Last edited by Jaynnus; 12-13-04 at 10:36 AM.


    MSF RiderCoach
    MSF Dirt Bike School Coach


    Quote Originally Posted by 5TOEZ View Post
    #5 Hangout w/Jaynnus................
    she rides like the wind
    & smells good too.
    PKism: you don't count, you're just a guy with indoor plumbing

  6. #6
    Super Moderator OreoGaborio's Avatar
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    Instructions for putting up a Christmas Tree

    i'm sorry, i'm not following you here... could you spell that one out for me? on your hands as opposed to....?

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    Last edited by OreoGaborio; 12-12-04 at 11:38 PM.
    -Pete LRRS/CCS #82 - ECK Racing, TonysTrackDays
    GMD Computrack Boston | Pine Motorparts/PBE Specialists | Phoenix Graphics | Woodcraft | MTag-Pirelli | OnTrack Media

    The Garage: '03 Tuono | '06 SV650

  7. #7
    aka Johnny Valve Stem need4speed's Avatar
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    Instructions for putting up a Christmas Tree


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    John
    LRRS\CCS #714
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    "To repeat what others have said, requires education; to challenge it, requires brains".


  8. #8
    Lifer SEVENSGT's Avatar
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    Instructions for putting up a Christmas Tree

    and that's why I have the 3 piece lights already in the fucking tree .... Wife wants a real tree prob is she get a rash from the sap

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  9. #9
    Twin Addict Half Squid's Avatar
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    Instructions for putting up a Christmas Tree

    Chris,

    Wise Man once say. "Measure twice, cut once.."


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    Rides: 13 Hyperstada, 09 SFV650, 97 CBR 900RR
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  10. #10
    Lifer SEVENSGT's Avatar
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    Instructions for putting up a Christmas Tree

    Originally posted by Half Squid
    Chris,

    Wise Man once say. "Measure twice, cut once.."


    my son has a chainsaw that says.......'measure once, cut twice'

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  11. #11
    Kosher Assassin Stoneman's Avatar
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    Instructions for putting up a Christmas Tree

    Step 7: Insert candles...

    Oh shit! Wrong holiday!

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    Did you grit your teeth and try to look like Clint Fuckin' Eastwood?
    Or did you lisp it all hangfisted like a fuckin' flower?

  12. #12
    Lifer Suf Daddy's Avatar
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    Re: Instructions for putting up a Christmas Tree

    Chris: You're Soooooooo last week on this............
    Now hang your blue balls on the tree.................

    -Suf Daddy
    Originally posted by highsider
    Step 1 - Spend ten minutes finding your Christmas tree stand.

    Step 2 - Bring in wet, sappy tree.

    Step 3 - Stuff tree in tree stand. Find out that tree is WAYYY too fucking tall.

    Step 3 - Cut about 3,000 irritating, sappy branches off tree so you can get to the trunk to make the fucking thing shorter.

    Step 4 - Stuff tree in stand. Listen to wife bitch that you cut too much off, and the tree is now too short.

    Step 5 - Being aligning tree so that it stands up straight. Get approximately a gallon of sappy water dripped on you. Attempt not to murder wife after 73rd attempt at making tree straight, while she says, "No, I think you had it right last time....."

    Step 6 - Spend remainder of your day attempting to remove sap from your fingers.


    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!
    Suf Daddy.



  13. #13
    Angry Gumball RandyO's Avatar
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    Instructions for putting up a Christmas Tree

    the part I like about christmas trees is cutting them

    it's always most fun a bit further north walking around in the woods on snowshoes

    first, you find a good tree , usually they are on the top of a 50 foot tall balsam fir.

    you cut the tree, only to find out it broke all to hell when it landed

    you hunt some more. you find another nice tree, again it is on top of a50 foot tall BalsamFir.. this time though you are careful to fell it towards some smaller trees to break the fall. pull the tree out and cut the top

    then you stand it up and discover what looks good 50 feet below is a real turd, Charlie Brown would have passed this one...

    after you cut a dozen or so trees, you give up, days are short, it's getting dark. on the driveback home,you see the perfect blue spruce, nicely shaped, and full. heck, it's already got lights on it.

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    RandyO
    IBA#9560
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    A man without a gun is a subject LETS GO BRANDON

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