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Venanzio and Lorenzo were sitting on a bench in a New York park.
"Hey," said Venanzio, "do you likea biga fat woman with a longa straggley hair?"
"No, I'ma no likea dat" replied Lorenzo.
"Den, you likea da woman with a garlic comin' from her mouth alla da time?" inquired Venanzio.
"Nope, I'ma no like dat kinda either!" said Lorenzo.
"You musta likea da woman with a big, thicka hips anna varicose veins, no?" asks Venanzio.
"Notta me!" answered Lorenzo.
"Den whya you keepa screwin' my wife?" Venanzio asked.
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A man and a woman were waiting in line at the hospital donation center.
Man: "What are you doing here today?"
Woman: "Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me $5 for it."
Man: "Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25."
The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways. Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the same line.
Man: "Hi there! Here to donate blood again?"
Woman: (nodding her head with mouth closed) "Unh unh."
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A man goes into a restaurant, sits down at a table and, when the
waitress asks for his order, he says "I want a quickie"
She slaps his face and asks, "Now would you please give me your order?"
Again, he says, " I want a quickie"
She slaps him again and says, " I'll give you one last chance, what do
you want?"
Someone from the next table leans over and says quietly to the man,
"I think it's pronounced QUICHE."
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A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double
martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his
shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini.
After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and
orders the bartender to bring another double martini.
The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long -
but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you
order a refill."
The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts
to look good, I know it's time to go home."
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A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was
severely burned.
The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body
because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his
own skin.
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would
have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would
tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor
also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new
beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends
and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion
at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything
you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."
"My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need
every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
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She wannted to donate some blood.............BAWWWAWAWHAHAHAHA
