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Keeping score

  1. #1
    aka Johnny Valve Stem need4speed's Avatar
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    Aug 2002
    Location
    Brookfield,CT
    Posts
    2,246

    Keeping score

    The Score !
    For years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played. Here is a guide to the points system:

    SIMPLE DUTIES
    You make the bed..............................................+1
    You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.....0
    You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...................-1
    You leave the toilet seat up..................................-5
    You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty............ 0
    When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex...-1
    The Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom...........-2
    You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.....+5
    in the snow...................................................+8
    but return with beer..........................................-5
    and no liners................................................-25
    You check out a suspicious noise at night..................... 0
    You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing............ 0
    You check out a suspicious noise and it is something..........+5
    You pummel it with a six iron................................+10
    It's her cat.................................................-40

    AT THE PARTY
    You stay by her side the entire party.........................+20
    You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with
    College drinking buddy....................................... -2
    Named Tiffany................................................. -4
    Tiffany is a dancer...........................................-10
    With breast implants..........................................-18

    HER BIRTHDAY

    You remember her birthday......................................0
    You buy a card and flowers.....................................0
    You take her out to dinner.....................................0
    You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar..........+1
    Okay, it is a sports bar......................................-2
    And it's all-you-can-eat night................................-3
    And your face is painted the colors of your favorite team ...-10

    A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

    Go with a pal.................................................0
    The pal is happily married...................................+1
    The pal is single............................................-7
    He drives a Ferrari.........................................-10
    With a personalised license plate (GR8 N BED)...............-15

    A NIGHT OUT WITH HER

    You take her to a movie......................................+2
    You take her to a movie she likes............................+4
    You take her to a movie you hate.............................+6
    You take her to a movie you like.............................-2
    It's called Death Cop III....................................-3
    Which features Cyborgs that eat humans.......................-9
    You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.......-15

    YOUR PHYSIQUE

    You develop a noticeable pot belly...........................-15
    & exercise to get rid of it..................................+10
    You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose
    jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts.............................-30
    You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".............-800

    THE BIG QUESTION

    She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?" You hesitate
    in responding..............................................-10
    You reply, "Where?".........................................-35
    You reply, "No, I think it's your ass"......................-100
    Any other response..........................................-20

    COMMUNICATION

    When she wants to talk about a problem: You listen,
    displaying a concerned expression............................0
    You listen, for over 30 minutes..............................+5
    You relate to her problem and share a similar experience.. .+50
    You're mind wanders and you suddenly hear "well, what do
    you think I should do".....................................-50
    You have fallen asleep.....................................-800

    0 Not allowed!
    John
    LRRS\CCS #714
    2004 Duc 620 monster racebike
    89 EX500 racebike - sold
    98 Superhawk 996

    "To repeat what others have said, requires education; to challenge it, requires brains".


  2. #2
    Guilt a USELESS emotion SEVENSGT's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Location
    Warwick, RI
    Age
    43
    Posts
    3,217

    Talking Keeping score

    Okay 6 carry the 2 minus 2400 times 4............ Oh fuck I'm screwed

    0 Not allowed!

  3. #3
    aka Johnny Valve Stem need4speed's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Location
    Brookfield,CT
    Posts
    2,246

    Keeping score

    I left a few out :

    After getting laid

    You hold her close and snuggle for a while ............... +50
    You tell " I'll sleep on the wet side of the bed............ +20
    You get up and wipe you dick on the curtain ............. -500

    0 Not allowed!
    John
    LRRS\CCS #714
    2004 Duc 620 monster racebike
    89 EX500 racebike - sold
    98 Superhawk 996

    "To repeat what others have said, requires education; to challenge it, requires brains".


  4. #4
    ....................... PinHead's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2001
    Location
    Walpole
    Age
    49
    Posts
    5,059

    Keeping score

    BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

    0 Not allowed!
    2018 Harley Road Glide
    2000 Ducati 900ss
    05 WR 250F

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