1- You know, I've been complaining a lot lately. I don't blame you for ignoring me.
2- The new girl in my office is a real beauty, and a stripper too! I invited her over for dinner on Friday.
3- Honey, did you leave that skid in the toilet bowl? Good one!
4- While you were in the bathroom, they went for it on the fourth down and missed. If they can hold them to a field goal, they'll still recover.
5- Bar food again!? All right!
6- That girl is wearing the same outfit as I am. Cool, I'm gonna go over and talk to her.
7- Let's just leave the toilet seat "up" at all times, then you don't have to mess with it anymore.
8- I've decided to buy myself a boob job. How big do you want 'em?
9- Honey come here! Watch me do a Tequila Shot off of Stephanie's bare ass!
10- I'm so happy with my new hairstyle, I don't think I'll ever change it again.
11- You are so much smarter than my father.
12- If we're not going to have sex, then you have to let me watch football.
13- You're so sexy when you're hungover.
14- I'd rather watch football and drink beer with you than go shopping.
15- Honey, our new neighbor's 18-year-old daughter is sunbathing in the nude again, come see!
16- No, no, I'll take the car to have the oil changed.
17- Do me a favor, forget the stupid Valentine's Day thing and buy yourself something.
18- Listen, I make enough money for the both of us, why don't you take time off to relax?
19- You need your sleep, you big silly guy, now stop getting up for the baby's nightly feedings.
20- Look! My butt is fatter than yours!