lines i'm planning on putting in my resume

[twrayinma]

digital circuit designer.
knowledge of perl.
haven't unleashed corporation-killing email virus in at *least* 8 weeks.
skilled at delegating tasks.
never been caught stealing office supplies.
do not throw own feces when angered.

[beet]

i need someone 2 plant 2lips

[twrayinma]

another one i forgot:
no longer contagious