Welcome to NESR! Most features of this site require registration, including replying to threads, sending private messages, starting new threads, and uploading files. Click here to register.

Results 1 to 9 of 9

Oil Change Instructions

  1. #1

    Oil Change Instructions


    OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS

    for Women :

    1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.




    2) Drink a cup of coffee.




    3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.







    Money spent:

    OIL Change:

    $20.00
    Coffee: $1.00
    Total:$21.00
    ==========




    Oil Change instructions for Men :




    1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.







    2) Stop by 7/11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.







    3) Open a beer and drink it.







    4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.







    5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.







    6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.







    7) Place drain pan under engine.







    8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.







    9) Give up and use crescent wrench.







    10) Unscrew drain plug.







    11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.







    12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.







    13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.







    14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.







    15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.




    16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.







    17) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.







    18) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.







    19) Remember drain plug from step 11.







    20) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.




    21) Drink beer.







    22) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.







    23) Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.







    24) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.







    25) Begin cussing fit.







    26) Throw stupid crescent wrench.







    27) Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.







    28) Beer.







    29) Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.







    30) Beer.







    31) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.







    32) Beer.







    33) Lower car from jack stands.







    34) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.







    35) Beer.







    36) Test drive car.







    37) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.






    &n! bps;
    38) Car gets impounded.







    39) Call loving wife, make bail.







    40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.







    Money spent:
    Parts:$50.00
    DUI:$2500.00
    Impound fee:$75.00
    Bail:$1500.00
    Beer:$20.00
    Total:$4,145.00
    But you know the job was done right!

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!
    Mike 37

  2. #2

    Re: Oil Change Instructions

    Quote Originally Posted by mmracer37 View Post
    11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.







    12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms.


    that's exactly why I don't mind the $18.95, 45 minute, toyota dealership oil change

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!

  3. #3
    Lifer nt650hawk's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Rockland, Assachusetts U Know South Shore
    Age
    47
    Posts
    7,455

    Re: Oil Change Instructions

    The other for WOMEN

    Seen/heard this happen a couple of time @ Jiffy Lube &/or other shops.


    Car gets jacked up.
    Employees under the car "looking" busy at doing nothing.
    Car goes down and hood goes up.
    15 min oil change
    Charge you for service.
    "your car is ready"
    Less than 5 min on the road/ highway oil filter and oil dump on the road and now a blown engine...
    Weeks and months dealing with Tow service/ insurance company / shop / rental agency / money initially out of pocket ........
    Waiting for refunds and car months down the road.
    For $20 bucks that won't get refunded...

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!
    Gino
    HAWK GT Racer Expert #929
    2012 CCS LRRS ULSB Champion
    2012 CCS LRRS P89 Champion
    2008 CCS ULSB National Champion
    ECKRACING Bridgestone Street & Competition Woodcraft MOTUL On Track Media Pine Motorparts Vanson Leathers

  4. #4
    Just Registered KillBill's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Southern, NH
    Age
    40
    Posts
    11,735

    Re: Oil Change Instructions


    awesome

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!

  5. #5
    Angry Gumball RandyO's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Location
    Farmington, NH
    Age
    67
    Posts
    13,817

    Re: Oil Change Instructions

    exactly why a dealer does 100% of the service on my bike

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!
    RandyO
    IBA#9560
    A man with a gun is a citizen
    A man without a gun is a subject

  6. #6
    Goodbye Sweet Dreams BLACK SQUIRREL's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Somewhere between Has Been and Never Was
    Age
    49
    Posts
    4,025

    Re: Oil Change Instructions

    Quote Originally Posted by RandyO View Post
    exactly why a dealer does 100% of the service on my bike
    Me too, I maintain and repair my racebike Myself, But My streetbike is all dealer all the time.

    I dont know why

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!
    Zip Tie Alley Racing #444


    Signature edit by Tricky mike

  7. #7
    Lifer CMG241's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Windham, NH
    Posts
    1,806

    Re: Oil Change Instructions

    Quote Originally Posted by nt650hawk View Post
    The other for WOMEN

    Seen/heard this happen a couple of time @ Jiffy Lube &/or other shops.


    Car gets jacked up.
    Employees under the car "looking" busy at doing nothing.
    Car goes down and hood goes up.
    15 min oil change
    Charge you for service.
    "your car is ready"
    Less than 5 min on the road/ highway oil filter and oil dump on the road and now a blown engine...
    Weeks and months dealing with Tow service/ insurance company / shop / rental agency / money initially out of pocket ........
    Waiting for refunds and car months down the road.
    For $20 bucks that won't get refunded...
    and don't forget the $300 tune up "your car desperately needs" which include new spark plugs and inspection of filters.

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!

  8. #8
    JACKASS hammadown's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Hopkinton, MA
    Age
    38
    Posts
    1,777

    Re: Oil Change Instructions

    Or the other fun jiffy lube (or volkwagen dealership) oil change:

    Have "professionals" do oil change

    Notice the car seems to be burning a lot of oil

    Get next oil change to be told the oil pan was stripped due to plug being over tightened

    Told it is covered under warrentee then get a call 3 weeks later to say that $350 is owed for repair

    Go to dealership to argue and tell manager to go fuck himself


    Nonetheless, this was a hilarious post!

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!
    Supa Motarded! If you see me backin it in, keep watching...Im about to crash

    Zip Tie Alley #237

  9. #9
    Lifer markbvt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Georgia, VT
    Posts
    3,744

    Re: Oil Change Instructions

    Funny, but obviously written by a woman to make fun of her (probably ex-)husband.

    Takes me about 20 minutes to do an oil change in either my car or my bike. I get to do it at my convenience, using oil and filters I know to be of good quality, I know the oil is filled to the correct level, and I know nothing has been over- or under-tightened.

    After some of the shit I've seen dealer service departments pull, none of my vehicles go to the dealer for anything. And certainly not Jiffy Lube.

    --mark

    0 Not allowed! Not allowed!

Similar Threads

  1. Instructions on using Seafoam
    By Billy in forum Bike Maintenance
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 06-15-08, 09:12 PM
  2. Oil change
    By amajew in forum Bike Maintenance
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 08-21-07, 05:13 PM
  3. Instructions for putting up a Christmas Tree
    By highsider in forum Off-Topic
    Replies: 12
    Last Post: 12-13-04, 08:00 PM
  4. Need a change
    By RSVMILLE661 in forum Off-Topic
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 08-11-04, 09:26 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •