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Sat Night's Story - The Montreal Experience

  1. #1
    Lifer RyanNicholson's Avatar
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    Thumbs up Sat Night's Story - The Montreal Experience


    I wrote this up for the hell of it, its a fairly amusing story about our drunken adventure to Montreal this weekend.

    --------------------

    We had a dream. We may not have known what exactly this dream consisted of, but we knew it was to take place in Montreal. We also knew that it would involve doing whatever it takes to return with our craziest stories to date, and we only had one night to accomplish such a feat. After a day of rounding up our best soldiers, and a morning of realizing half of them probably wouldn't be allowed to cross international boarders for various reasons it was narrowed down to three.

    Jen, Cory, and I packed up, well...grabbed sleeping bags (since we had no idea where we were going to stay) and headed out about 3:30pm Saturday afternoon for what was to be an epic adventure, little did we know.

    Lets begin..................................

    3:30 - We got in the car and had to get a well overdue oil change before departing, no problem. We're taking Jen's car so she insists on driving the entire way up. I don't complain.

    3:45 - We get an oil change. While waiting Cory has an in-depth philosophical conversation with a 400lb mechanic about murder, the death penalty, classic movies, and more I'm sure.

    4:00 - On the road, cranking "Plot to bomb the Panhandle" by ADTR.....a road trip tradition.

    4:30 - Getting sick of being in the car.

    5:00 - Driving through a blizzard at 80mph, Cory and I fear for our lives. Jen thinks shes in the Indy 500 and thinks nothing of it. The rest of the drive is amazingly boring for some reason and didn't kick off the trip all that well. Although we did see 4 accidents one of which was a rollover that had just happened. We also saw a random tree up in flames in the woods.

    7:30 - We get to the Canadian boarder...tell them we are sight seeing. Cory has been studying French thinking it'll help his chance with the ladies....the boarder patrol confirms he sucks at French.

    8:30 - We finally make it to Ste. Catherine St. and are pumped to find a place to begin drinking immediately as we are well behind schedule. We drive down and realize we're in the gay district...panic sets in and we quickly turn around and return to normal civilization.

    8:45 - We park and go to Ziggy's Pub for a ritual first beer and shot. Jen realizes she left her ID in the car, so we run back to the car . On the way we run into a news anchor doing the weather, the camera man is not very friendly.

    9:00 - We go to the Hard Rock Cafe to pre-game. Rounds 3 through 7 are consumed. Jager and Rum are abundant.

    10:00 - Still sober and frustrated we decide to go to the club next door. On the way there I slip on the snow and fall on my ass. People point and laugh, I give them the finger. We go to the door and are met by 3 bouncers who ID us, with secret service type radios. They charge us $5 each, let us in, stamp us, give us a ticket for a free shooter...we walk past the mandatory coach check to realize that this closet of a club is completely empty. We are the only customers. After taking our free shooter we leave immediately.

    10:15 - We go to Sharx, which is a massive modern pool hall, lounge, bowling alley, etc....awesome place and I knew we would not be let down. I'm on a mission to end my sobriety (though I never get completely shitfaced, I'm always the someone responsible one). We order more shots, and enough beer to solve the problem at hand. Rounds 9-13 are consumed. Jen wanders off into the abyss of Montreal's finest while Cory and I talk to some extremely attractive waitresses, who also confirm Cory's lack of French skills. Jen comes back and wants to do a bodyshot on the bar with someone. They don't like this idea and stop serving us.

    11:30 - Getting frustrated we decide the only solution is to involve naked women and seek out the most promising venue. Jen tackles Cory on the sidewalk and very likely broken his arm in the process (he doesn't realize this at the time). So we get talking to some random massive Indian promoter for some club. He promises us "buy 1 get 1" drinks all night, and to let us in for free. Fuck it, its cold outside. We go in....sit down, and the doorman charges Cory and I $10 each for coming in. Whatever. The waitress comes over and asks what we want....I ask about the deal and she just looks at me confused. Awesome, whatever. I order a bucket full of beer on ice. Rounds 14-16 are consumed. The place is decent size, not huge but not a hole in the wall...."acceptable" is probably the best way to put it.

    12:00 - Jen jokes about going up on stage. I know she'd do it given the opportunity and a little affirmative action. A very attractive stripper sits beside me (the 3rd or so that did this, but the others were annoying and/or ugly and I told them so)....but this one seemed qualified for conversation and she actually seemed pretty cool. Jen gets up to go to the bathroom and I make a deal with "Lucy" my new stripper friend, that I will get a dance if she can get Jen up on stage. She is excited to get Jen on stage and takes the necessary actions to do so. Jen comes back from the bathroom to learn of her new-found career as an exotic dancer. She now almost regrets this suggestion and says she wont take her clothes off but she'll go up. She gets to the stage and another stripper rips off her tank top and brings her up there with Lucy. She's ALL ABOUT IT and dances on the poll like a pro (only wasted so her balance is a little off) I laugh hysterically. Then goes the bra, that was equally as funny. Lucy returns to our table and we are completely amused together. Then another dancer trys to take off Jens pants...she objects in a panic yet shows the entire crowd her ass tattoo anyway. Between songs Jen can be seen standing on stage like a deer in headlights after she realizes whats going on and returns to her table.

    1:30am - Lucy and I go off for our promised dance. After the dance we just shoot the shit in the little booth for like 10 minutes before she brings me over to our new table in the VIP area. I order another bucket full of beer. Rounds 17-18 are consumed by Cory. I decide to become the voice of reason of the group. Lucy at this point is just shooting the shit with us and hanging out. We tell her that we have no idea were we are going to stay and she invites us to crash at her place. FANTASTIC.

    2:00am - My new stripper friend convinces me to give her a back massage in the VIP area.

    2:15am - Jen blacks out on the couch in the club. Lucy leaves to try and make some last minute cash before the club closes at 3am. I just hang out and talk with other strippers who are now paying 10x as much attention to us than anyone else in the club. I buy Cory a lap dance.

    3:00am - Club closes, all the lights are on and we're pretty much the only people still in there. Jen will not wake up, or refuses to. Finally we get outside and Jen flips out that she doesn't want to sleep "in some strippers apartment". I know shes just drunk and stupid so I ignore it, I knew she actually wanted to. Finally Lucy comes outside, and we walk towards her place which is only about 3 blocks away. We stop and get sandwich's. Cory is holding onto two tables in the store for dear life and looks like he is in the middle of an earthquake he's swaying back and forth so bad. He makes a comment to some other dancer that just got out of work, who in turn gets annoyed with him and says something unknown to us in French. The shop owners name is Joe...old guy. Lucy talks with him and says "bye Joe!" and Cory yells at her "YOU'RE A JOE!!!! salksdjfkjd...." with slurred words. We laugh.

    3:30am - We arrive at Lucy's place. I come to find her name is actually Vicky. She is moving to France on Wednesday so all her shit is packed up into boxes but its still better than a car or slummy hotel. Its actually a really nice apartment. We walk into the bedroom and there is a mattress leaning against the wall, before Vicky even has a chance to lay the mattress down Cory passes out face down on the hardwood floor. Jen falls onto the mattress, down for the count. Vicky and I get talking and hang out in the living room. Turns out shes a very talented photographer and spends all her dancing money on traveling the world to take photos of exotic countries.

    5:30am (ish) - Vicky and I fall asleep on the pull-out couch in the living room.

    11:00am - Vicky and I are barely awake laying down and we hear Cory in the other room JUMP out of bed, yelling "WHERE THE FUCK AM I!?!?"....he then trips, hits the floor, gets back up yelling "FUCK!!!! I PISSED MYSELF!". Jen is laughing so hard she probably woke the entire building....I wish I could have seen it, because hearing him freak out was hilarious.

    11:10am - Our hostess offers to wash his clothes for Cory and does so. She lends him a pair of her boyfriends pants and boxers. We go out to breakfast at a pretty decent place called "Eggspectations". Cory orders a beer with his egg sandwich. Then realizes he can't eat because of his injured arm.

    11:32am - Cory finishes his breakfast beer.

    12:15pm - after talking and whatnot at breakfast we head back to her place to get Cory's clothes. Jen is given a book that contains all the information you should know as an exotic dancer. Cory is instructed to keep the boxers.

    1:15pm - The three of us head back to the car, which is now about 12 blocks away. Lucky to find the car still on the side of the road, with no parking ticket, we head back and laugh hysterically at how crazy our night was. We drove for the next 4 1/2 hours in a blizzard.

    The End

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  2. #2
    Littering and........
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    Re: Sat Night's Story - The Montreal Experience

    Great story, aside from the lack of detail beginning at 3:30 am.

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  3. #3
    Lifer RyanNicholson's Avatar
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    Re: Sat Night's Story - The Montreal Experience

    Quote Originally Posted by highsider View Post
    Great story, aside from the lack of detail beginning at 3:30 am.
    I posted the same thing on myspace, didn't really feel like publishing the details to certain people....but yea, it got a little crazy haha.

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  4. #4
    Just Registered KillBill's Avatar
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    Re: Sat Night's Story - The Montreal Experience

    Very good read.
    Reminds me of my experiences in Montreal.
    Thanks for the post

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  5. #5
    Littering and........
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    Re: Sat Night's Story - The Montreal Experience

    Very nice!

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    Just Registered schleppy's Avatar
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    Re: Sat Night's Story - The Montreal Experience

    Nice story, and pretty good detail given the amount of booze consumed.

    A few of my friends have some interesting Montreal stories as well. I'll have to get them to write em down.

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  7. #7
    Angry Gumball RandyO's Avatar
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    Re: Sat Night's Story - The Montreal Experience

    sounds like not much has changed in 35 years since my college days, only difference is Montréal was only a 75minute drive, and they weren't as strict about who they let cross the frontier

    I seem to remember about 20-25 bottles of beer (22oz bottles IIRC) and a gal that I think was a dart team goalie, inviting all 6 of us to her appartment

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  8. #8
    Everybody to the limit!
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    Re: Sat Night's Story - The Montreal Experience

    Quote Originally Posted by RandyO View Post
    dart team goalie
    That sounds painful.

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  9. #9
    Lifer RyanNicholson's Avatar
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    Re: Sat Night's Story - The Montreal Experience

    Quote Originally Posted by schleppy View Post
    Nice story, and pretty good detail given the amount of booze consumed.
    Yea like I said in the story I never get really shitfaced (conscious decision)...I just dont find it to fun to get THAT sloppy. I'd rather have a constant buzz and just have a good time socially.

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  10. #10
    I like my cool old bike. Ericthejet's Avatar
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    Re: Sat Night's Story - The Montreal Experience

    Ah, Montreal. My hometown has it's ups and downs that's for sure.
    BTW, most clubs are empty at 10pm unless they have a live gig.

    Sounds like you had a good time with your chums.

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  11. #11
    Just Registered Wishbone's Avatar
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    Re: Sat Night's Story - The Montreal Experience

    Nice story

    I have been twice and the details are fogy and long winded.

    A few cliff notes are

    I almost lost my glasses in a strip joint because the stripper had me take them off as she was rubbing her tits in my face. Didn't realize until I was a mile down the road because I was so drunk

    I blew about 10X the legal limit in a bar brethalizer

    A dozen or so of us went to a club for NYE and all ended up leaving separate from one another.

    I got ran over by some chick

    I told another chick "I like your tits...wish they were bigger...but your box is probably nice"

    Took aforementioned chick to my hotel room

    First time I went it was about 1.50 exchange

    Last time I went it was 1.20 exchange

    I ordered a pitcher of beer with no cups because the bar was so crowded

    Got busted by customs for being under age and trying to bring Molson XXX home (they were not imported at that time)

    Had a BLAST every time I was there

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  12. #12
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    Re: Sat Night's Story - The Montreal Experience



    LOL, sounds like a good time!

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  13. #13
    Lifer RyanNicholson's Avatar
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    Re: Sat Night's Story - The Montreal Experience

    I dont have any good pics....we brought a camera with intension of documenting the night, but when we got there nobody felt like being the camera man. I took a couple cell phone pics with the hot bartenders at sparx but they came out so blurry its useless hah oh well

    another excuse to go again sometime i guess I've been up a bunch of times from when I was living in lake placid (only 90mins or so) but hadn't been in a few years.

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  14. #14
    Lifer RyanNicholson's Avatar
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    Re: Sat Night's Story - The Montreal Experience

    also...update....Cory went to the hospital today and it turns out he has a broken elbow! Jen was like "Cory I'm so sorry!" and he replies "I woke up broke and hungover, didn't know where I was, didn't remember how I got there, soaked in piss, with a broken elbow, and it was AWESOME"

    haha, ridiculous

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  15. #15
    Blingaphobe Devil1's Avatar
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    Re: Sat Night's Story - The Montreal Experience

    That was effin hilarious!

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  16. #16
    Hungry like a wolf... MissTwisties's Avatar
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    Re: Sat Night's Story - The Montreal Experience

    Man, you're boring. I got better stories than this one involving a stripper in Montreal.

    Nicely written tho...

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  17. #17
    Lifer RyanNicholson's Avatar
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    Re: Sat Night's Story - The Montreal Experience

    Quote Originally Posted by MissTwisties View Post
    Man, you're boring. I got better stories than this one involving a stripper in Montreal.

    Nicely written tho...

    haha i didn't say it was the craziest story ever but it was a good time

    lets hear yours

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  18. #18
    LRRS EX #99 Kitt's Avatar
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    Re: Sat Night's Story - The Montreal Experience

    i wouldn't quite call that conquering a city... sounds like the city conquered you!

    I also won't put details of my new years in montreal in writing for everyone to see... haha. Things do get crazier than that in montreal though, i'll tell you that.

    Tentative plans for new years eve 2008: Amsterdam

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  19. #19
    Just Registered brendanp's Avatar
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    Re: Sat Night's Story - The Montreal Experience

    that wuz great!

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  20. #20
    Hungry like a wolf... MissTwisties's Avatar
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    Re: Sat Night's Story - The Montreal Experience

    Quote Originally Posted by RyanNicholson View Post
    lets hear yours
    Read below...

    Quote Originally Posted by Kitt View Post
    I also won't put details of my crazy nights in montreal in writing for everyone to see... haha. Things do get crazier than that in montreal though, i'll tell you that.
    Oh, yes...I've lived in Montreal for a little over a year, and had some of the best times..crazy nights indeed. Oh and just for the record...Montreal sportbike crew has some HOTTT riders (both male and female gender) and when they are not riding, they know how to have some real fun...hehe

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  21. #21
    Lifer RyanNicholson's Avatar
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    Re: Sat Night's Story - The Montreal Experience

    Quote Originally Posted by Kitt View Post
    i wouldn't quite call that conquering a city... sounds like the city conquered you!

    I also won't put details of my new years in montreal in writing for everyone to see... haha. Things do get crazier than that in montreal though, i'll tell you that.

    Tentative plans for new years eve 2008: Amsterdam

    oh holy wild one wont you teach me your ways


    haha of course things can get crazier, i just had a good time and thought i'd share the story.

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  22. #22
    First name on the shit list.... SVRACER01's Avatar
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    Re: Sat Night's Story - The Montreal Experience

    To Do List:
    go to Montreal w/ Nicholson

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  23. #23
    LRRS EX #99 Kitt's Avatar
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    Re: Sat Night's Story - The Montreal Experience

    Quote Originally Posted by RyanNicholson View Post
    oh holy wild one wont you teach me your ways

    Not sure if you're teachable... NH doesn't necessarily breed the sort.

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  24. #24
    Resident Turkey Tricky Mike's Avatar
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    Re: Sat Night's Story - The Montreal Experience

    I love war stories.
    Like carrying this piece of shit 4 blocks and then up 6 flights of stairs... This went on for weeks (every trash day). You name it we sent it... Baby cribs? Yep. Life-size R2D2 beverage coolers? Sure. Dining sets (all at once). Uh yuh.
    Eventually my super alarmed the roof door. That kept us off for a few days

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  25. #25
    Littering and........
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    Re: Sat Night's Story - The Montreal Experience

    I just want to know if you nailed the stripper, and if so, was she any good.

    I have a Montreal story that isn't nearly as fun, but you will all find it amusing.

    My brother in law and best man in my wedding had my bachelor party in Montreal - basically, we rented a van and hit Ste. Catherine street. Knowing that I am fan of a chick with a nice ass, it became a contest amongst my wedding party to find the stripper with the nicest ass at each bar we went to, and buy me a lap dance with her.

    About 4 hours into this fun, we moved along to another bar and found a seat, and immediately a girl went up on stage to dance who was apparently the winner of the nicest ass forum, and so they bought me a lap dance with her. As I was getting a lap dance from her (now would be a good time to mention that I had never been as drunk before, and have not since), I noticed something peculiar about her - she had very small nipples for such big breasts. I thought maybe....no, she was hot, couldn't be......but better check anyway. In the very dark lap dance booth, I ran my hand over her neck in search of an Adam's Apple......which was present and accounted for. I was getting a lap dance from a tranny.

    I immediately got up and left, and my new "friend" didn't say a word. I ran back to the table where my friends were seated, and advised them of my discovery. They insisted that there was no *way* that was a man, and that I was drunk.

    However, as the night progressed, each stripper would get onto the pole and take off all of her clothes, including her bikini bottoms. Each stripper, except for the fucking tranny I got a lap dance from.

    And thats the story of how I got a lap dance from a tranny in Montreal.

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