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SCREW ups of the year

  1. #1
    Lifer GadgettR1's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Location
    New Bedford, Ma
    Age
    52
    Posts
    1,470

    SCREW ups of the year

    SCREW-UPS OF THE YEAR:

    * 1.When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at its intended victim
    during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did
    something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried
    the trigger again. This time it worked.

    * 2.The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
    machine, and , after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his
    insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its
    men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger.
    The chef's claim was approved.

    * 3.A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during
    a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken
    the space. Understandably, he shot her.

    * 4.After shopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
    found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from
    Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the
    driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free
    ride. He then delivered the passengers to the
    mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and
    prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
    (Damn, I like that one....)

    * 5.An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from
    serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he
    received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see
    how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit. Sounds
    like s southern boy to me!

    * 6.A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an
    examination to determine the cause of her daughters swollen abdomen.

    It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, "Your daughter is pregnant."

    The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her
    daughter was a good girl and would never compromise her reputation by having
    sex with a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently watched the
    horizon.

    The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't
    you paying attention to me?"

    "Yes, of course I am paying attention, ma'am. It's just that the last time
    this happened, a star appeared in the East, and three wise men came. And I
    was hoping that they would show up again."

    0 Not allowed!

  2. #2
    Kosher Assassin Stoneman's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2001
    Location
    Center Barnstead, NH
    Posts
    1,124,060

    SCREW ups of the year

    Those are awesome!!!

    0 Not allowed!
    Did you grit your teeth and try to look like Clint Fuckin' Eastwood?
    Or did you lisp it all hangfisted like a fuckin' flower?

  3. #3
    NOT laughing with you {~; bemused's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Location
    Deer Island, OR
    Age
    59
    Posts
    3,377

    SCREW ups of the year

    most excellent!

    0 Not allowed!
    WWSD? (what would Sneakers do?)
    "for every credibility gap, there is a gullibility fill"
    jeff f
    '97 RF900R

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