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Terrible, terrible joke.......

  1. #426
    Lifer RyanNicholson's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    So I saw my dwarf neighbor at a bus stop on my way home.

    "Jump in, I'll give you a lift!" I shouted to him.

    "FUCK OFF" He replied.

    "What an ungrateful little cunt" I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued walking.

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  2. #427
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    A man walks into a bar. he sits down in front of a bowl of peanuts and orders a drink. He starts snacking on the nuts as he waits for his drink. All of a sudden he hears a voice say "you're handsome".

    The man looks around and there's no one around, but he sits there and goes back to eating the peanuts and all of a sudden he hears "nice facial hair," and "I really like what you've done with the mustache." He looks around, strokes his beard, doesn't know where it's coming from, has another drink, and hears, "I like your shoes." Looks at his shoes and keeps looking around for the voice.

    The bartender comes up with the drink the man ordered and the man asks, "This may be weird, but there is someone around here saying nice things to me... is it you, man?" and the bartender says, "No, it's the peanuts; they are complimentary"

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    1975 BMW R90/6 | 2008 Triumph Tiger 1050 ABS | 2009 Honda CRF100F | 2009 Yamaha TrailWay 200 | 2012 Yamaha WR250R | 2016 Honda CB500FA | 2016 Suzuki GSX-R750

  3. #428
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    I just tried to kill a Cockroach with Axe Body Spray.

    Now he says his name is Brett and won't shut up about crossfit.

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    1975 BMW R90/6 | 2008 Triumph Tiger 1050 ABS | 2009 Honda CRF100F | 2009 Yamaha TrailWay 200 | 2012 Yamaha WR250R | 2016 Honda CB500FA | 2016 Suzuki GSX-R750

  4. #429
    Lifer Falko's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Quote Originally Posted by Garandman View Post
    I just tried to kill a Cockroach with Axe Body Spray.

    Now he says his name is Brett and won't shut up about crossfit.
    grew a beard too I bet...

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    Dad's Dream: Earn enough money to live the life that his wife and kids do.

  5. #430
    Just Registered JohnnyV's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Genie: I SHALL GRANT YOU 3 WISHES!!
    Steve: I want to be Rich!!
    Genie: Done. What's your second wish?
    Rich: I want lots of money





    - - - Updated - - -

    A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3. He says "uno, dos..." poof. He disappeared without a tres.

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  6. #431
    Where is my fast? GixerJockey's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    What's brown and sticky...?



    A stick

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  7. #432
    Backwoods lobster boy number9's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Quote Originally Posted by GixerJockey View Post
    What's brown and sticky...?



    A stick
    What's green and sticky? Grass. I lied about the sticky.

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    '08 Ducati HyperMotard 1100S, '14 Subaru XV Crosstrek

  8. #433
    Lifer RyanNicholson's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    I was recently offered a night of sex with a 25 year old promotional model in exchange of promoting a cleaning product online. Of course, I said no, due to my strong morals. Morals which are almost as strong as AJAX... the super strong kitchen cleaner now available in lemon scent.

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  9. #434
    Dictionary quoting knob stoinkythepig's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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  10. #435
    Super Moderator OreoGaborio's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Love that one. I've confused so many people with it.

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    -Pete LRRS/CCS #82 - ECK Racing, TonysTrackDays, Ironstone Ventures
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  11. #436
    Permanent N00b -Dutch-'s Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Quote Originally Posted by stoinkythepig View Post
    What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
    I don't know, tell me.

    Edit: I get it. A personal favorite.

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    Last edited by -Dutch-; 03-18-18 at 06:18 PM.

  12. #437
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Quote Originally Posted by stoinkythepig View Post
    What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?
    A conundrum!

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    1975 BMW R90/6 | 2008 Triumph Tiger 1050 ABS | 2009 Honda CRF100F | 2009 Yamaha TrailWay 200 | 2012 Yamaha WR250R | 2016 Honda CB500FA | 2016 Suzuki GSX-R750

  13. #438
    Super Moderator OreoGaborio's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    My lesbian neighbors asked me what I wanted for my birthday. They gave me a Rolex.
    I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.


    A short poem about women's underwear.....
    Rose's are red,
    Violet's are blue,
    Heather's are green.



    My gay neighbor gave me a sextape of him and his husband for my birthday.
    I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.

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    Last edited by OreoGaborio; 04-18-18 at 09:30 PM.
    -Pete LRRS/CCS #82 - ECK Racing, TonysTrackDays, Ironstone Ventures
    GMD Computrack Boston | Pine Motorparts/PBE Specialists | Phoenix Graphics | Woodcraft | Street & Competition | MTag-Pirelli | OnTrack Media

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  14. #439
    Super Moderator OreoGaborio's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......


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    -Pete LRRS/CCS #82 - ECK Racing, TonysTrackDays, Ironstone Ventures
    GMD Computrack Boston | Pine Motorparts/PBE Specialists | Phoenix Graphics | Woodcraft | Street & Competition | MTag-Pirelli | OnTrack Media

    The Garage: '03 Tuono | '06 SV650

  15. #440
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    A light plane is lost in fog near Seattle. A tall building looms out of the fog and the pilot sees someone near a window. “where are we?” he yells.

    The man in the building responds, “In an airplane.” The pilot continues his turn to a bearing of 270, flies 4 miles and puts the plane down right on the strip.

    Amazed, his passengers ask, “How did you know where to go?” “Well,” said the pilot, “The answer we got was both technically correct, and irrrelevent to the real problem. So I knew we’d found MicroSoft headquarters.”

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    1975 BMW R90/6 | 2008 Triumph Tiger 1050 ABS | 2009 Honda CRF100F | 2009 Yamaha TrailWay 200 | 2012 Yamaha WR250R | 2016 Honda CB500FA | 2016 Suzuki GSX-R750

  16. #441
    Satans Donkey Uncle Snake's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    I had my leg X-rayed today.

    The doctor said: 'Your patella measures 2.54cm'.

    I said: 'Inch-high knees?'

    He said: '您的髌骨是2.54厘米高.'

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    Jake
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  17. #442
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Why did the Chinese family move to Boston?

    It’s the only other place that doesn’t pronounce their “R’s.”

    (Told by a Chinese Professor at Merrimack College to his new class every term, apparently)

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    1975 BMW R90/6 | 2008 Triumph Tiger 1050 ABS | 2009 Honda CRF100F | 2009 Yamaha TrailWay 200 | 2012 Yamaha WR250R | 2016 Honda CB500FA | 2016 Suzuki GSX-R750

  18. #443
    Just Registered JohnnyV's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Quote Originally Posted by GixerJockey View Post
    What's brown and sticky...?



    A stick
    What's brown and rhymes with snoop?












    Dr. Dre

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  19. #444
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Man goes to his doctor for a prostate exam.
    During the exam the doctor says, 'it's perfectly normal to get an erection during this procedure'
    The man replies, 'but I don't have an erection, Doctor'
    The Doctor says, 'but I do'

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    1975 BMW R90/6 | 2008 Triumph Tiger 1050 ABS | 2009 Honda CRF100F | 2009 Yamaha TrailWay 200 | 2012 Yamaha WR250R | 2016 Honda CB500FA | 2016 Suzuki GSX-R750

  20. #445
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Picked up a guy hitchhiking yesterday. He was appreciative, but surprised: “What if I am a serial killer?”

    “The odds there would be two serial killers in the car at the same time are astronomical.”

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    1975 BMW R90/6 | 2008 Triumph Tiger 1050 ABS | 2009 Honda CRF100F | 2009 Yamaha TrailWay 200 | 2012 Yamaha WR250R | 2016 Honda CB500FA | 2016 Suzuki GSX-R750

  21. #446
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Why aren’t there any knock knock jokes about the U.S.?

    Because freedom rings. :RIMSHOT:

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    1975 BMW R90/6 | 2008 Triumph Tiger 1050 ABS | 2009 Honda CRF100F | 2009 Yamaha TrailWay 200 | 2012 Yamaha WR250R | 2016 Honda CB500FA | 2016 Suzuki GSX-R750

  22. #447
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Q. What’s the difference between snow men and snow women?
    A. Snow balls.

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    1975 BMW R90/6 | 2008 Triumph Tiger 1050 ABS | 2009 Honda CRF100F | 2009 Yamaha TrailWay 200 | 2012 Yamaha WR250R | 2016 Honda CB500FA | 2016 Suzuki GSX-R750

  23. #448
    Lifer loudbeard's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?

    Iron Man is a superhero, Iron Woman is a simple instruction.

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    I went to MMI I know what Im doing here chief

  24. #449
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    How does one roofer say hi to another?

    “Whendja get out?”

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    1975 BMW R90/6 | 2008 Triumph Tiger 1050 ABS | 2009 Honda CRF100F | 2009 Yamaha TrailWay 200 | 2012 Yamaha WR250R | 2016 Honda CB500FA | 2016 Suzuki GSX-R750

  25. #450
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Just bought a used car, and reverse doesn’t work.

    There’s no going back now!

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    1975 BMW R90/6 | 2008 Triumph Tiger 1050 ABS | 2009 Honda CRF100F | 2009 Yamaha TrailWay 200 | 2012 Yamaha WR250R | 2016 Honda CB500FA | 2016 Suzuki GSX-R750

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