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Terrible, terrible joke.......

  1. #451
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......


    If you were going to eliminate one race, what would you choose?












    Me? I’d pick the 800 meter: too long to be a sprint, too short to be a distance.

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    If stupidity got us into this mess, why canít it get us out?
    Will Rogers

  2. #452
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Guess who finally quit smoking today!

    Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi.....

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    If stupidity got us into this mess, why canít it get us out?
    Will Rogers

  3. #453
    Lifer RyanNicholson's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    When does a joke become a Dad joke?






    When it becomes apparent.

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  4. #454
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Good one - been three years since last posted.

    A reporter was interviewing Bobby Orr about present-day NHL teams. He was asked if he thought his old Bruins team could beat the present-day Ottawa Senators.

    “Yes.” Asked for a predicted score, he replied “1-0.”

    “Why such a low score?”

    “Well, most of us are in our 70’s.”

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    If stupidity got us into this mess, why canít it get us out?
    Will Rogers

  5. #455
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    A slice of apple pie is $2.00 in Jamaica. In the Bahamas the cost is $2.50.

    These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

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  6. #456
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    I was drinking a Margarita when the waitress screamed, “Does anyone know CPR!”

    My buddy yelled back, “We know ALL the letters of the alphabet. And then we all laughed - well, except for one guy.....

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  7. #457
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    If two Vegans get in a fight - is it still a beef?

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  8. #458
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Today I was invited over to a female janitor’s apartment to smoke weed.

    I declined. Can’t handle high maintenance women.

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  9. #459
    Lifer loudbeard's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Due to quarantine I’ve decided that for the foreseeable future, I’ll only be telling inside jokes.

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    I went to MMI I know what Im doing here chief

  10. #460
    Super Moderator OreoGaborio's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    I got caught masturbating with a pickle.
    I was Gherkin off

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    -Pete LRRS/CCS #82 - ECK Racing, TonysTrackDays, Ironstone Ventures
    GMD Computrack Boston | Pine Motorparts/PBE Specialists | Phoenix Graphics | Woodcraft | Street & Competition | MTag-Pirelli | OnTrack Media

    The Garage: '03 Tuono | '06 SV650

  11. #461
    Kosher Assassin Stoneman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    I saw a baguette in a zoo once. It was bread in captivity.

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    Did you grit your teeth and try to look like Clint Fuckin' Eastwood?
    Or did you lisp it all hangfisted like a fuckin' flower?

  12. #462
    Dic on
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    A Priest, an Imam and a Rabbit walk into a bar. The rabbit says "I might be a typo".

    4 Not allowed! Not allowed!
    "Too bad ponies are assholes."

    OXX

  13. #463
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    ..
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Terrible, terrible joke.......-54a854ac-d5e3-405b-8274-f03c3eab2352  

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  14. #464
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Just got an email from the CDC saying not to eat tinned pork as it may contain COVID-19.

    Turns out it's just spam.

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  15. #465
    Lifer loudbeard's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Taught myself a new method for installing crown molding where miter cuts won’t do it. Good for unsquare/unlevel walls/ceilings. I’m no pro, but I’d say I’m....coping.

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    I went to MMI I know what Im doing here chief

  16. #466
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    If A is for Apple, and
    B is for bread,
    What is C for?













    Plastic explosive....

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  17. #467
    Super Moderator OreoGaborio's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    A guy walks into a bar in one morning, and goes up to the bar tender. "Do you guys have golden toilets?" he asks.

    "What? Golden toilets? What are you talking about?"

    "Look, last night I got pretty wasted but the one thing I can remember is peeing in a golden toilet."

    Bartender says "OK, first, no we don't have golden toilets. Secondly, HEY MORTY, I FOUND THE GUY THAT PISSED IN YOUR TUBA!"

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    -Pete LRRS/CCS #82 - ECK Racing, TonysTrackDays, Ironstone Ventures
    GMD Computrack Boston | Pine Motorparts/PBE Specialists | Phoenix Graphics | Woodcraft | Street & Competition | MTag-Pirelli | OnTrack Media

    The Garage: '03 Tuono | '06 SV650

  18. #468
    Kosher Assassin Stoneman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    If Covid-19 doesn't take you out, maybe I can?

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    Did you grit your teeth and try to look like Clint Fuckin' Eastwood?
    Or did you lisp it all hangfisted like a fuckin' flower?

  19. #469
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Due to the Covid crisis, I’m selling the Triumph and buying a Harley.

    Because you can’t catch anything on a Harley....

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  20. #470
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Why can’t orphans play baseball?



    They don’t know where home is.

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  21. #471
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    What is the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?


    Dubai don’t like 'The Flintstones,” but Abu Dhabi Do.

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  22. #472
    Lifer ZX-12R's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Quote Originally Posted by Garandman View Post
    What is the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?


    Dubai don’t like 'The Flintstones,” but Abu Dhabi Do.
    That is properly terrible. You should be ashamed of yourself!

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    "...i would seriously bite somebody right in the balls..." -bump909

  23. #473
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Quote Originally Posted by ZX-12R View Post
    That is properly terrible. You should be ashamed of yourself!
    ..
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Terrible, terrible joke.......-23d6ad13-5be6-4aaf-9779-665c8d4256c0  

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  24. #474
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Dating during Covid pandemic:

    Can I be your Prince Charmin?

    You can’t spell virus without “U” and “I.”

    Without you, my life is as empty as a supermarket shelf.

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    Last edited by Garandman; 04-19-20 at 09:56 PM.

  25. #475
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    ďMeal Team Six.Ē
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails Terrible, terrible joke.......-07b466f5-91d1-40dc-8224-c258ad0844bb  

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