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Terrible, terrible joke.......

  1. #501
    Lifer
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......


    Quote Originally Posted by loudbeard View Post
    Why do police always get to the riots early?

    To beat the crowds.
    They're like red solo cups - it's not a party without them. Otherwise it's just a bunch of people awkwardly standing around.

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    nedirtriders.com

  2. #502
    Super Moderator OreoGaborio's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    What do you eat when you're COLD and ANGRY?

    A BRRRRRRRRRGRRRRRRRRRRRR

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    -Pete LRRS/CCS #82 - ECK Racing, TonysTrackDays, Ironstone Ventures
    GMD Computrack Boston | Pine Motorparts/PBE Specialists | Phoenix Graphics | Woodcraft | Street & Competition | MTag-Pirelli | OnTrack Media

    The Garage: '03 Tuono | '06 SV650

  3. #503
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Now that is a properly terrible joke!

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  4. #504
    Lifer DuncanMoto's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Actually, Itís kinda cold

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  5. #505
    Lifer loudbeard's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    My son is 4 years old and has been learning Spanish but still can't say "please"

    I think that's poor for four

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    I went to MMI I know what Im doing here chief

  6. #506
    Super Moderator OreoGaborio's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    William Shatner's line of women's lingerie was a failure.

    Apparently naming it "Shatner Panties" wasn't a wise choice.

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    -Pete LRRS/CCS #82 - ECK Racing, TonysTrackDays, Ironstone Ventures
    GMD Computrack Boston | Pine Motorparts/PBE Specialists | Phoenix Graphics | Woodcraft | Street & Competition | MTag-Pirelli | OnTrack Media

    The Garage: '03 Tuono | '06 SV650

  7. #507
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    What’s big, mean, and made of Kale?

    The Inedible Hulk

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  8. #508
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    What’s the most populated island?

    Sicily, which has five million sicillion people...

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  9. #509
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Q. What is the difference between an Al Quada base and a Pakistani school?

    A. I don’t know, man, I just fly the drone.

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  10. #510
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    “No one is going to tell me how many people I can have for Thanksgiving.”

    Jeffrey Dahmer, 1991.

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  11. #511
    Super Moderator OreoGaborio's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    A guy walks into a bar and orders a rum and coke

    The bartender hands him an apple.

    The guy says "What the hell is this? I ordered a rum and coke!"

    Bartender smiles & says "Just take a bite."

    So, the guy bites the apple & he lights right up. "Hey this apple tastes just like rum! What did you soak it in it?"

    The bartender just smiles, swirls his finger in the air and tells the man, "Turn it around..."

    So the guy does, takes another bite. "It tastes like a coke! It's a rum and coke apple? It's a rum and coke apple! That's pretty neat!"

    Another man approaches the bar and asks the bartender for a gin and tonic.

    The bartender hands him an apple.

    Confused, the man begins to question the bartender when the first guy pipes up. "Buddy, try the apple! TRUST ME!" as he takes another bite.

    The second man follows suit, and looks back at the bartender in exclamation, "Tonic! What is this, a tonic apple?"

    The bartender just smiles, swirls his finger in the air and says "Turn it around..."

    The man has a bite from the other side of the apple and is exuberant. "It's gin! It's really gin! A gin and tonic apple!"

    The two men reveled in this discovery for a while when a dwarf walked up to the bar. The dwarf makes his way up onto a stool and as he's about to order the second man interrupts him, "Oh, hey man, order an apple! You can get an apple that tastes like anything you want here! I've got a gin and tonic apple, and this guy's got a rum and coke apple!"

    The dwarf looks at everyone like they've got three heads & the bartender smiles & nods.

    Dwarf says "Oh yeah? OK then... It's been a while, gimme a.... a pussy flavored apple!"

    Bartender hands him an apple.

    The dwarf takes a biiiiig bite and spits it out all over the bar.

    "Ughyuuk!!" He cries out, "This apple tastes like shit!"

    The bartender just smiles, swirls his finger in the air................. "Turn it around..."

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    Last edited by OreoGaborio; 11-20-20 at 01:46 PM.
    -Pete LRRS/CCS #82 - ECK Racing, TonysTrackDays, Ironstone Ventures
    GMD Computrack Boston | Pine Motorparts/PBE Specialists | Phoenix Graphics | Woodcraft | Street & Competition | MTag-Pirelli | OnTrack Media

    The Garage: '03 Tuono | '06 SV650

  12. #512
    Lifer obsolete's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Quote Originally Posted by OreoGaborio View Post
    A guy walks into a bar and orders a rum and coke, but the bartender hands him an apple.

    "What the hell is this? I ordered a rum and coke," the guy protests.

    "Just take a bite of the apple," says the bartender. So, the guy bites the apple, and his eyes light up.

    "Hey this apple tastes just like rum! What did you soak it in it?"

    The bartender tells him, "Turn it around." So the guy does, takes another bite, and is suddenly quite pleased.

    "It tastes like a coke! It's a rum and coke apple? It's a rum and coke apple! That's pretty neat, pal."

    Another man approaches the bar, and asks the bartender for a gin and tonic. The bartender hands him an apple.

    Confused, the man begins to question the validity of the bartender, when the first guy reassures him, "Buddy, try the apple," and with a nod to his own, takes another bite.

    The second man follows suit, and looks back at the bartender in exclamation, "Tonic! What's this, a tonic apple?"

    The bartender swirls his finger in the air and tells the man, "Turn it around..."

    The man has a bite from the other side of the apple and is exuberant. "It's gin! It's really gin! A gin and tonic apple!"

    The two men reveled in this discovery for a while, when a dwarf walked up to the bar, made his way onto a stool beside the men, and beckoned for the bartender. As he's about to order, the second man interrupts him, "Oh, hey man wait! You should order an apple! You can get an apple that tastes like anything you want here! I've got a gin and tonic apple, and this guy's got a rum and coke apple!"

    The dwarf casts an incredulous look at the bartender, who plainly nods back in confirmation.

    "Oh yeah?" He starts, "OK then, it's been a while, gimme a pussy flavored apple!"

    And the bartender hands him an apple.

    The dwarf takes a big, expectant bite from the apple, and immediately spits it out all over the bar.

    "Ughyuuk!!" He cries out, "This apple tastes like shit!"

    The bartender swirls his finger in the air and tells him, "Turn it around..."
    Similar is the guy who can identify wood by smell.

    TLDR: His friends blind fold him and he smells both sides of each board and guesses the tree species. In order to trick him they quietly have his wife lay on a table, he smells one side, she rolls over and he smells the other side. Visibly puzzled he answers "bathroom door from a tuna boat?"

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    -Alex
    I can resist everything but Pete's mom.

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