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Terrible, terrible joke.......

  1. #526
    Super Moderator OreoGaborio's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......


    What do you call a fish with three eyes?

    Fiiish

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    -Pete LRRS/CCS #82 - ECK Racing, TonysTrackDays
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  2. #527
    Angry Gumball RandyO's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Terrible, terrible joke.......-wed-jpg
    480-POUND WOMAN CHARGED WITH INVOLUNTARY MANSLAUGHTER AFTER HUSBAND DIED WHILE PERFORMING ORAL SEX...An Ohio woman has been sentenced to involuntary manslaughter after her spouse was found dead minutes after he had performed oral sex onto her.
    Annabelle Gaston, 28, was arrested last year after calling 911 when her husband, Irwin Gaston, 31, had a cardiac arrest while apparently being suffocated to death.
    Gaston told the 911 operator at the time that she was sitting on her husband’s face while he was giving her cunnilingus when she realized his skin had changed color.
    “We were having sex and he started eating my pussy […] I was just sitting on his face for like 25 minutes when his legs turned a greenish-blue color,” she told the 911 operator at the time, in horror. According to Gaston’s lawyer, Irwin Gaston “liked to insert his head inside my client’s vagina” and “my client warned him on multiple occasions that it was a dangerous practice” he told the judge.
    Franklin County District Court Judge Henry Miller sentenced Annabelle Gaston to 10 years and six months after he judged her sexual practices “extremely dangerous behavior” and a “completely reckless conduct” for a woman of her size.
    To prove this, the prosecutor showed documents attesting that paramedics took at least 12 minutes to release the head of Irwin Gaston from the inside of Annabelle Gaston’s genitals.
    “The time of death is estimated to be 17 minutes before the 911 call and 59 minutes after Irwin Gaston’s head was removed from the inside of the defendant’s genitals,” he said in court before delivering his sentence.
    Irwin Gaston was also hospitalized last year only weeks after the couple’s honeymoon after “large amounts of fecal matter” had entered his lungs “during oral-anal intercourse” according to a medical report presented in court.

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    RandyO
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  3. #528
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......


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    ďIf at first you donít succeed - donít become a Paratrooper.Ē

  4. #529
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    While riding my motorcycle, swerved to to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.

    Dazed and confused I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new car pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?

    As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a very low-cut blouse with cleavage to die for... "I'm okay, I think", I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.

    She said, "Get in and I'll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head."

    "That's nice of you," I answered, "But I don't think my wife will like me doing that!"

    "Oh, come now, I'm a nurse," she insisted. “I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."

    Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated,
    "I'm sure my wife won't like this."

    We arrived at her place which was just few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now".

    "Don't be silly", she said with a smile. "Stay for a while until you recover from the shock, she won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

    "Still in the ditch, I guess"

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    Last edited by Garandman; 11-21-21 at 01:07 AM.
    ďIf at first you donít succeed - donít become a Paratrooper.Ē

  5. #530
    Super Moderator OreoGaborio's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    One day a man decided to retire...

    He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank. He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing. Only bananas and coconuts.

    After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore. In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

    She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my fishing boat sank."

    "Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."

    "Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. " I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from an Eucalyptus tree."

    "But, where did you get the tools?"

    "Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. " On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in a volcanic vent I found just down island, it melted into ductile iron and I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware."

    The guy is stunned.

    "Let's row over to my place." she says "I'll give you a tour."

    So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small hand built wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree house. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck.

    As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Please sit down. Would you like a drink?"

    "No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice."

    "Oh, it's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Jack Daniels neat?"

    Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk.

    After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs."

    No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

    "This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?"

    When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but a bandana around her blonde locks and some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of coconut oil. She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.

    "Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've both been out here for many months. You must have been lonely. When was the last time you had a really good ride?" She stares into his eyes.

    He can't believe what he's hearing.

    "You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes, "You've............. You've built a motorcycle???"

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    Last edited by OreoGaborio; 12-06-21 at 04:25 PM.
    -Pete LRRS/CCS #82 - ECK Racing, TonysTrackDays
    GMD Computrack Boston | Pine Motorparts/PBE Specialists | Phoenix Graphics | Woodcraft | MTag-Pirelli | OnTrack Media

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  6. #531
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

    'What's the matter, dear' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night

    The husband looks up from his coffee, 'It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met'.

    She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.

    The husband continues, 'Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating, I was 18 and you were only 16,' he says solemnly.

    Once again, the wife is touched to tears. 'Yes, I do' she replies.

    The husband pauses The words were not coming easily. 'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car'

    'Yes, I remember' said the wife, lowering herself into the chair beside him.

    The husband continued. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years'

    'I remember that, too' she replied softly.

    He wiped another tear from his cheek and said "I would have gotten out today."

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    ďIf at first you donít succeed - donít become a Paratrooper.Ē

  7. #532
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    GAWD DAM he tells the BEST terrible jokes



    take ya on a 4 mile hike to show you a dog turd Richter criminally under rated

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  8. #533
    Super Moderator OreoGaborio's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    A woman joins a country club, and when she hears some guys talking about their golf round, she says, "I played on my college's golf team. I was pretty good. Mind if I join you next week?"

    No one wants to say 'yes', but they're on the spot… Finally, one man says, "Okay, but we start at 6:30 a.m." and figures the early tee-time will discourage her.

    The woman says this may be a problem and asks if she can be up to 15 minutes late.

    They roll their eyes, but say, "Okay."

    The next week she's there at 6:30 am sharp and beats all of them with an eye-opening 2-under par.

    She's fun and pleasant and the guys are impressed. They congratulate her and invite her back the next week. She smiles, and says, "I'll be there at 6:30, or 6:45."

    The next week she again shows up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time, she plays left-handed. The three guys are incredulous as she still beats them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. They're totally amazed. They can't figure her out. She's very pleasant and a gracious winner. They invite her back again, but each man harbors a burning desire to beat her.

    The third week, she's 15 minutes late, which irritates the guys. This week she plays right-handed and narrowly beats all three of them. The men grumble that her late arrival is petty gamesmanship on her part, however, she's so charming and complimentary of their strong play, they can't hold a grudge.

    This woman is a riddle no one can figure out.

    They have a couple of beers in the Clubhouse and finally, one of the men asks her, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"

    The lady blushes, and grins. "When my dad taught me to play, I learned that I was ambidextrous." she replies. "I like to switch back and forth... After college, when I met my husband I discovered he always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I leave in the morning for golf, I look under the covers. If his willie points to the right, I golf right-handed; if it points to the left, I golf left-handed."

    The guys think this is hysterical. Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys says, "What if it's pointing straight up?"

    "Then" she says, "I'm fifteen minutes late."

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    Last edited by OreoGaborio; 12-07-21 at 06:00 PM.
    -Pete LRRS/CCS #82 - ECK Racing, TonysTrackDays
    GMD Computrack Boston | Pine Motorparts/PBE Specialists | Phoenix Graphics | Woodcraft | MTag-Pirelli | OnTrack Media

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  9. #534
    Super Moderator OreoGaborio's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Took my girlfriend golfing. She got stung by a wasp between the first and second holes.

    ... I told her her stance was too wide.

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    Last edited by OreoGaborio; 12-07-21 at 04:00 PM.
    -Pete LRRS/CCS #82 - ECK Racing, TonysTrackDays
    GMD Computrack Boston | Pine Motorparts/PBE Specialists | Phoenix Graphics | Woodcraft | MTag-Pirelli | OnTrack Media

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  10. #535
    Super Moderator OreoGaborio's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Knock, knock..................

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    Last edited by OreoGaborio; 01-11-22 at 04:31 PM.
    -Pete LRRS/CCS #82 - ECK Racing, TonysTrackDays
    GMD Computrack Boston | Pine Motorparts/PBE Specialists | Phoenix Graphics | Woodcraft | MTag-Pirelli | OnTrack Media

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  11. #536
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Terrible, terrible joke.......-3124374-jpg

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  12. #537
    Super Moderator OreoGaborio's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    9/11................

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    Last edited by OreoGaborio; 01-12-22 at 04:03 PM.
    -Pete LRRS/CCS #82 - ECK Racing, TonysTrackDays
    GMD Computrack Boston | Pine Motorparts/PBE Specialists | Phoenix Graphics | Woodcraft | MTag-Pirelli | OnTrack Media

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  13. #538
    Super Moderator OreoGaborio's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    No?
    No one wants to bite?
    Alright...


    "9/11 who?"

    "yOu sAiD yOu wOuLd nEvEr fOrGeT!!!"

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    Last edited by OreoGaborio; 01-14-22 at 10:18 AM.
    -Pete LRRS/CCS #82 - ECK Racing, TonysTrackDays
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  14. #539

    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Thats as funny as a submarine with a screen door!

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  15. #540
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Q. What’s the difference between the “China Virus” and the Vietnam War?















    A. Trump dodged the Vietnam War.

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    ďIf at first you donít succeed - donít become a Paratrooper.Ē

  16. #541
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    After the cease-fire, an American General and VC General were discussing who would have won the Vietnam war had it continued. They decide to hold a competition between the US Army Infantry, the Green Berets, and the Vietcong.

    The competition was simple, whoever could catch a rabbit the fastest in the jungle would be declared the winner.

    The Infantry went in first. All that could be heard from the jungle was the sound of machine guns and mortar fire. Eventually they came out and admitted defeat.

    Next in were the Green Berets, who snuck around in the jungle laying trip wires and surveillance cameras. But they too couldn't find a rabbit, let alone catch one.

    Finally the Vietcong went in. The Americans scoffed at the ragtag bunch.

    About an hour later the Vietcong emerged from the jungle holding a flying squirrel by the ears and declaring themselves the winners.

    The Americans protest: "That’s not a rabbit!"

    A VC put a gun to the squirrel’s head and he starts shouting: "I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit!"

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    Last edited by Garandman; 01-15-22 at 07:45 AM.
    ďIf at first you donít succeed - donít become a Paratrooper.Ē

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