Page 3 of 18 FirstFirst 12345678910111213 ... LastLast
Results 51 to 75 of 450

Terrible, terrible joke.......

  1. #51
    Lifer obsolete's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Norf Sho
    Age
    38
    Posts
    10,957

    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    One for your Boss:

    What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?

    I'm not coming in this morning.

    0 Not allowed!
    -Alex
    I can resist everything but Pete's mom.

  2. #52
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Dorchester, MA / Mt Sunapee, NH
    Posts
    9,360

    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs you take bowling?

    Rolly.

    0 Not allowed!
    1975 BMW R90/6 | 2008 Triumph Tiger 1050 ABS | 2009 Honda CRF100F | 2009 Yamaha TrailWay 200 | 2012 Yamaha WR250R | 2016 Honda CB500FA | 2016 Suzuki GSX-R750

  3. #53
    Lifer bryco13's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Oxford, MA
    Posts
    1,401

    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Guy walks through his front door where is wife is sitting on the couch. He's got a duck under one arm and a bottle of vodka in the other.
    He says, "This is the pig I've been telling you about".
    Wife says, "You asshole, that's not a pig, that's a duck".
    He says, "I wasn't talking to you".

    0 Not allowed!

  4. #54
    Just Registered Doc's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Jericho, VT
    Posts
    19,621

    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Quote Originally Posted by khuygie88 View Post
    Asked and Answered
    In a hole should be Phil not Doug.


    In a pool? Bob.

    0 Not allowed!
    "I'd rather ride a slow bike fast than a fast bike slow"
    Bikes: Ducati: 748 (Track) Honda: RC31 (Race/street)/ CRF 110 Mini Moto/ Hawk Endurance Racer Kawasaki: ZXR1200R
    BOMO Instructor
    EX# X

  5. #55
    Lifer bryco13's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Oxford, MA
    Posts
    1,401

    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    On a wall?

    Art.

    0 Not allowed!

  6. #56
    Lifer Currently's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Ooltewah, TN
    Age
    61
    Posts
    1,984

    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    A little girl complained to her father, "Daddy, I wish I
    had a little sister!"

    Trying to be funny, her father joked, "But honey, you
    already have a sister!"

    Confused, the toddler asked, "I do?"

    "Sure," her dad said, pulling the kid's chain. "You don't
    see her because every time you come in the front door, she
    scoots out the back door!"

    The confused toddler thought for a moment and then beamed,
    "You mean just like my other daddy!"

    0 Not allowed!
    If loud pipes save lives, imagine what learning to ride would do.

  7. #57
    Lifer Currently's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Ooltewah, TN
    Age
    61
    Posts
    1,984

    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Diary of a snow shoveler, probable location - New Hampshah

    December 8 - 6:00 PM
    It started to snow.
    The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.
    It looked like a Grandma Moses Print.
    So romantic we felt like newlyweds again.
    I love snow!

    December 9
    We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape.
    What a fantastic sight!
    Can there be a lovelier place in the whole world?
    Moving here was the best idea I've ever had!
    Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again.
    I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
    This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again.
    What a perfect life!

    December 12
    The sun has melted all our lovely snow.
    Such a disappointment!
    My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas.
    No snow on Christmas would be awful!
    Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again
    I don't think that's possible.
    Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

    December 14
    Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night.
    The temperature dropped to -20.
    The cold makes everything sparkle so.
    The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks.
    This is the life!
    The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again.
    I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way.
    I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.

    December 15
    20 inches forecast.
    Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
    Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels.
    Stocked the freezer.
    The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out.
    I think that's silly.
    We aren't in Alaska , after all.

    December 16
    Ice storm this morning.
    Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt.
    Hurt like hell.
    The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

    December 17
    Still way below freezing.
    Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
    Electricity was off for 5 hours.
    I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.
    Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
    Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her.
    God I hate it when she's right.
    I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

    December 20
    Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night.
    More shoveling!
    Took all day.
    The darn snowplow came by twice.
    Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey.
    I think they're lying.
    Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out.
    Might have another shipment in March.
    I think they're lying.
    Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me.
    I think he's lying.

    December 22
    Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white crap fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August.
    Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss.
    By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel.
    Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the arsehole is lying.

    December 23
    Only 2 inches of snow today
    And it warmed up to 0..
    The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning.
    What is she, nuts?!!
    Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago?
    She says she did but I think she's lying.

    December 24
    6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
    Thought I was having a heart attack.
    If I ever catch the sob who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his nads and beat him to death with my broken shovel.
    I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been!
    Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the darn snowplow.

    December 25
    Merry freaking Christmas!
    20 more inches of the darn slop tonight -Snowed in.
    The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil.
    God, I hate the snow!
    Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel.
    The wife says I have a bad attitude.
    I think she's an idiot.
    If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

    December 26
    Still snowed in...
    Why the hell did I ever move here?
    It was all HER idea.
    She's really getting on my nerves.

    December 27
    Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

    December 28
    Warmed up to above -20.
    Still snowed in.
    The woman is driving me crazy!!!

    December 29
    10 more inches..
    Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.
    That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

    December 30
    Roof caved in.
    I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass.
    The wife went home to her mother.
    Nine more inches predicted.

    December 31
    I set fire to what's left of the house.
    No more shoveling.

    January 8
    Feel so good.
    I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.
    Why am I tied to the bed?

    1 Not allowed!
    If loud pipes save lives, imagine what learning to ride would do.

  8. #58
    Posting Freak ninjachica250's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Miami Shores, FL
    Age
    33
    Posts
    949

    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    literally!! my cheeks hurt

    0 Not allowed!

  9. #59
    Dictionary quoting knob stoinkythepig's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    Raymond NH
    Age
    52
    Posts
    4,559

    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    The coach had put together the perfect team for the Detroit Lions. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.

    Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan. In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.

    KABOOM!

    He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.

    KA-BLOOEY!

    Then he threw another at a passing car going 100 mph.

    BULLS-EYE!

    "I've got to get this guy!" coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"

    So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Lions go on to win the Super Bowl.

    The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.

    "Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"

    "I don't want to talk to you," the old Muslim woman says. "You are not my son!"

    "I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."

    "No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get raped!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says,


    "I will never forgive you for making us move to Detroit!"

    1 Not allowed!

  10. #60
    Lifer Danz19899's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Grafton, Ma
    Posts
    1,570

    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!

    0 Not allowed!

    www.bostonmoto.com
    2009 Zx-6r--17,680 miles and counting!!
    2008 ZZR600 - - - 10,268 miles totaled
    Ride to live, live to ride

  11. #61
    First name on the shit list.... SVRACER01's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Farmington
    Age
    40
    Posts
    17,281
    Wirelessly posted (HTC EVO "DROID" : Mozilla/5.0 (Linux; U; Android 2.2; en-us; Sprint APA9292KT Build/FRF91) AppleWebKit/533.1 (KHTML, like Gecko) Version/4.0 Mobile Safari/533.1)

    Quote Originally Posted by ninjachica250
    literally!! my cheeks hurt
    +10000

    0 Not allowed!
    When I start my KTM in the morning, rules are broken. Its inevitable...
    01 SV650S (RC51 eater)/07 KTM 690SM /03 KTM 300EXC
    TRACKS:Firebird/NHMS/VIR/Calabogie/California Speedway/NJMP/MMC/NYST/Palmer/Thompson/Club Motorsports

  12. #62
    First name on the shit list.... SVRACER01's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Farmington
    Age
    40
    Posts
    17,281
    Wirelessly posted (HTC EVO "DROID" : Mozilla/5.0 (Windows NT 5.2) AppleWebKit/534.24 (KHTML, like Gecko) Chrome/11.0.696.71 Safari/534.24)

    I'm gonna screw this up but here goes



    a boy wanted to become a man but he had no money for a hooker. All he had was a duck.

    So the boy takes his duck to a brothel and convinces a woman to have sex with him for the duck.

    When they finish the woman tells the boy she will give him the duck back if he has sex with her again. So he does.

    On his way home, feeling proud, a truck drives by and hits the boys duck. The driver stood and offers the boy $1 for the duck. The boys agrees and heads home.

    When he gets home his dad asks how his night was.

    The boy replies with " I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck and a buck for a fucked up duck"

    0 Not allowed!
    Last edited by SVRACER01; 10-27-11 at 09:16 AM.
    When I start my KTM in the morning, rules are broken. Its inevitable...
    01 SV650S (RC51 eater)/07 KTM 690SM /03 KTM 300EXC
    TRACKS:Firebird/NHMS/VIR/Calabogie/California Speedway/NJMP/MMC/NYST/Palmer/Thompson/Club Motorsports

  13. #63
    Super Adventurer SRTie4k's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Fitzwilliam, NH
    Age
    34
    Posts
    4,845

    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?
    Ilene

    What if she's Asian?
    Irene

    0 Not allowed!
    2015 KTM 1290 Super Adventure

  14. #64
    Fork oil in my veins.... gmdboston's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Bellingham, MA
    Age
    53
    Posts
    2,531

    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Two blondes walk into a building............. You think one of them would have seen it!

    0 Not allowed!

    "If you can't afford to do it right, how are you going to afford to do it over?"-PK
    Shop Services: Good, Fast, Cheap. Pick Two.

  15. #65
    Career Grifter KawiSmurf's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Wistah
    Age
    35
    Posts
    2,465

    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Let's just get some of these out of the way...they're pretty bad.




    Knock Knock!

    Who's There?

    Sue.

    Sue Who?

    SUE NAMI!!!

    --------------------------

    What's the least popular detergent in Japan?

    Tide.

    --------------------------

    Aren't the beachfront towns in Miyagi without power?

    No, there's plenty of current running through the towns.






    What, too soon?

    0 Not allowed!

  16. #66
    Lifer FirstDuc-1098's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Central Mass
    Posts
    2,587

    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    to soon, to soon

    0 Not allowed!
    Shit Corey says:
    Quote Originally Posted by hondarider102 View Post
    I think that a smooth motor would help me be a bit smoother

  17. #67
    Career Grifter KawiSmurf's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Wistah
    Age
    35
    Posts
    2,465

    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Quote Originally Posted by FirstDuc-1098 View Post
    to soon, to soon
    Couldn't help it, seemed like the tsunami jokes just started flooding in today.

    0 Not allowed!

  18. #68
    Lifer FirstDuc-1098's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Central Mass
    Posts
    2,587

    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Quote Originally Posted by KawiSmurf View Post
    Couldn't help it, seemed like the tsunami jokes just started flooding in today.

    0 Not allowed!
    Shit Corey says:
    Quote Originally Posted by hondarider102 View Post
    I think that a smooth motor would help me be a bit smoother

  19. #69
    Super Adventurer SRTie4k's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Fitzwilliam, NH
    Age
    34
    Posts
    4,845

    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    What do you call a pair of frozen doctors?

    Paradoxical

    0 Not allowed!
    2015 KTM 1290 Super Adventure

  20. #70
    Lifer rbrais's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Brooklyn, CT
    Posts
    1,191

    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Quote Originally Posted by KawiSmurf View Post
    Couldn't help it, seemed like the tsunami jokes just started flooding in today.


    0 Not allowed!

  21. #71
    Just Registered DuncanMoto's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Boston
    Posts
    4,909
    Oh boy.
    Hop my wife doesn't log in today Steve Mark

    Sent from my PC36100 using Tapatalk

    0 Not allowed!

  22. #72
    KB KB's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Location
    Manchester NH
    Age
    47
    Posts
    8,272

    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    What do you call a bouncer at a gay bar?

    Flamethrower

    KB

    0 Not allowed!
    LRRS/CCS EX #13

    GMD COMPUTRACK

  23. #73
    Majer:Danjer™ ChicknStripEatr's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    RI/NH
    Posts
    400

    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    A guy walks into a diner, sits down at the counter next to an attractive blonde and yells to the waitress "Get me a ham sandwich and make it fast I gotta chew and screw." The waitress quickly brings the man his sandwich then he takes his time and enjoys it thoroughly. The waitress, curious by the mans actions says: "Hey buddy I rushed to bring you a sandwich because you had to chew and screw." The man replies "I do!" The man then smiles at the blonde and says "I gotta chew and screw...and THEN I'll leave!"


    0 Not allowed!


    I get offended by people who cry they've been offended

  24. #74
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Dorchester, MA / Mt Sunapee, NH
    Posts
    9,360

    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    An elderly, attractive woman sits alone at a hotel bar. A dapper older gentleman walks in and after a look around, seats himself near her at the bar. He offers to buy her a drink, and she accedes.

    "So" she says, "Do I come here often?"

    0 Not allowed!
    1975 BMW R90/6 | 2008 Triumph Tiger 1050 ABS | 2009 Honda CRF100F | 2009 Yamaha TrailWay 200 | 2012 Yamaha WR250R | 2016 Honda CB500FA | 2016 Suzuki GSX-R750

  25. #75
    Just Registered DuncanMoto's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    Boston
    Posts
    4,909
    Quote Originally Posted by SRTie4k View Post
    What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?
    Ilene

    What if she's Asian?
    Irene
    Now that is really funny


    Sent from my PC36100 using Tapatalk

    0 Not allowed!

Similar Threads

  1. Terrible
    By eboos in forum Pit Area
    Replies: 38
    Last Post: 08-31-10, 12:44 PM
  2. Mr. T's Terrible Tale
    By SteveM in forum General Bike Related
    Replies: 47
    Last Post: 03-26-10, 01:03 PM
  3. i made terrible mistake
    By Kham in forum Off-Topic
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 05-24-05, 09:11 PM
  4. This is terrible.....RIP
    By jesse_k in forum General Bike Related
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 08-08-04, 04:04 PM
  5. Terrible, Just Plain Terrible...
    By KrackerJack in forum General Bike Related
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 08-05-04, 03:37 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •