Terrible, terrible joke.......

[Uncle Snake]

Studies show that 1 in 20 people live next door to a pedophile.

Not me, I live next door to two really hot 9 year olds!

[Uncle Snake]

A Tramp walks into a bar. He approaches the bar and sits down.
"Guess what I did last night" the tramp says to the barman.
"What?" The barman replies.

"I found a girl tied to the train tracks, so I cut her free and we shagged all night".
"Did you get a blowjob too?" The barman asks.

"No" replied the Tramp, "I couldn't find her head".

[AimlessMoto]

Back in the 1920's a mission trip was held in Africa by a British parish. They went around to the local tribes spreading the good word of Christianity and began to put up schools and hold classes to teach the natives to read and write.

About 9 months after visiting with one African tribe the chief's wife gives birth to a white baby. Enraged the chief ran out of his hut and found the leader of the parish.

"YOU!!!," he screamed, "What is the meaning of this! You come to our village and teach us about God and yet you sleep with my wife!!"

The mission leader was taken aback. "I know I didn't sleep with her," he thought to himself... "there must be a rational explanation... I GOT IT!"

"CHIEF! Come here, let me show you something."

So the mission leader took the chief over to a field where all this large herd of sheep were grazing.

"Chief... your baby is an albino, it happens in nature!"

"I don't believe you!," replied the chief.

"Look," said the mission leader, "Look out at that herd of sheep, do you see how they're all white except for that one black one?"

Suddenly the chief looked startled...

"FINE," said the chief... "I won't tell anyone about the baby if you don't tell anyone about the sheep!"

oh, and...

How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow-blower?
- Hand the bitch a shovel.

[Uncle Snake]

What's got 30,000 feet and still can't walk?

Jerry's kids.

[yesterdayze]

[quote=KawiSmurf;992745]
A baby seal walks into a club.

On the grill? Frank

His sister? Patty

You are the first one I have heard that already knew that joke lol....

In the water with no arms or legs? Bob
Two on either side of a window? Kurt 'an Rod



Two fish are in a tank, one turns to the other and says "You man the gun, I'll drive."




A priest, a preacher and a Rabbi walked into their favorite bar, where they would get together two or three times a week for drinks and to talk shop.

On this particular afternoon, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience.

Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first.
"Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, " WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."

They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape.

The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."



How did the mathematician solve his constipation problem? - He worked it out with a pencil....

[01xj]

What do you call a homosexual, a Jew and an Irishman standing in a bar?

A fine example of an integrated community.

[Garandman]

An Army Paratrooper goes out the door, counts to four, and looks up as he's been trained. No canopy.

So he pulls his reserve chute. It "cigarrette rolls" so he continues falling to earth at full speed.

A few seconds later he sees another soldier flying through the air up towards him. As he goes by he yells "Hey buddy, do you know anything about parachutes?"


"No" he yells back, "Do you know anything about explosives?"

[yesterdayze]

What do you call an Anorexic with a yeast infection? - A quarter pounder with cheese....

sorry... that is so wrong...


What do you call a dozen lawyers at the bottom of a pond? - A good start

[jcrawford]

my favorite dumb joke (no offense to anyone here)

Q.) How do you kill a blonde?
A.) Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a swimming pool!

[jcrawford]

Studies show that 1 in 20 people live next door to a pedophile.

Not me, I live next door to two really hot 9 year olds!

OMG that's just wrong!

[Garandman]

Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and his aircraft?

The plane stops whining when you shut down the engines.

[Kazinator]

Wanna hear a joke?

Womens rights.

[jcrawford]

Wanna hear a joke?

Womens rights.

I don't agree but humorous

[Trouble]

What's the difference between a golf ball and a woman's g-spot?

A man will spend 20 minutes looking for a golf ball...

[gmdboston]

What's the difference between a golf ball and a woman's g-spot?

A man will spend 20 minutes looking for a golf ball...

The golf ball is real.....

[Garandman]

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on him.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way.

What did the fish say when he hit a wall?
"Dam!"

[OreoGaborio]

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on him.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way.

What did the fish say when he hit a wall?
"Dam!"

Where'd ya get those gems from?

[R1]

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on him.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way.

What did the fish say when he hit a wall?
"Dam!"

those jokes are lame...

I am more than qualified to make that assessment.

[RyanNicholson]

How do you kill kill a hipster?
Drown him in the mainstream.

[Garandman]

Where'd ya get those gems from?

Funny, my daughter told them to me. Must have fed them to her previously.

A faith healer asks for volunteers and two men come up. the first is on crutches, while the second appears to be able-bodied.

He asks the first man for his name: Clarence. And his malady? "I haven't been able to walk without crutches since childhood.

He asks the second man his name: he replies "Hawold." And his malady? "Even thinth I was a widdle child I had an awful thpeech impediment."

The preacher takes them behind a curtain and asks the congregation to pray with him. Several minutes pass and the faith healer walks out from behind the curtain.

The crowd is expectant as the minister says "Clarence, throw out your right crutch." The right crutch flies out from behind the curtain. "Clarence, throw out your left crutch!" The left crutch flies out as well. "Harold - speak!"

Do you know what Harold said?

















"Clawenth just fell on his ath."

[Degsy]

Wirelessly posted (Mozilla/5.0 (iPhone; U; CPU iPhone OS 4_2_1 like Mac OS X; en-us) AppleWebKit/533.17.9 (KHTML, like Gecko) Version/5.0.2 Mobile/8C148 Safari/6533.18.5)

I lol'ed

[KillBill]

Wow

[KillBill]

Diary of a snow shoveler, probable location - New Hampshah

Dude...I am laughing so hard right now my eyes are watering...thank you!

[Uncle Snake]

The missus came home steaming drunk last night.
"You up for some role play action, babe?" she asked with a wink.
"Not really," I replied.
"Oh, come on," she said. "We can act out ANY scene, from ANY film you want."
Walking over to her with a huge smile on my face, I noticed her expression change. She had realised her mistake, however it was too late. Where I had previously seen arousal in her eyes, I now saw only blind terror...

As I shouted, "THIS... IS... SPARTA!" and kicked her down the stairs.



I got a job as a bounty hunter in China.

Couldn't believe my luck, every time they put a new wanted poster up, the guy they were after was standing right next to me!

[Garandman]

Why did the guy wear two pairs of socks when he went to play golf?

Because he might get a hole in one.