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Terrible, terrible joke.......

  1. #101
    Lifer RyanNicholson's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    "A dog is 10x more loyal and loving than a woman.... don't believe me? Lock them both in the bathroom for 4 hours, see which one is happy to see you when you let them out"

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  2. #102
    Satans Donkey Uncle Snake's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I
    said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in
    my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular
    people-porn, you sick bastard.

    The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help
    towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we would love to, but our
    garden hose only reaches the driveway.



    .

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    Jake
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  3. #103
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    How i learned to mind my own business

    I was walking past the mental hospital last week and I could hear people shouting "13! 13! 13!" I was curious and spotted a small hole in the fence. I peeked through and some bastard inside poked me in the eye with a stick. Then I heard "14! 14! 14!".

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    "Too bad ponies are assholes."

    OXX

  4. #104
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    I woke up this morning, got dressed and went in the kitchen where my wife was already fixing breakfast.

    I looked to see what she was cooking, and I see one of my socks in the frying pan. "What are you doing?" I asked her.

    She said, "I'm doing what you asked me to do last night when you came to bed very drunk," she replied.

    Completely puzzled, I walked away thinking to myself, "I don't remember asking her to cook my sock..."

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    1975 BMW R90/6 | 2008 Triumph Tiger 1050 ABS | 2009 Honda CRF100F | 2009 Yamaha TrailWay 200 | 2012 Yamaha WR250R | 2016 Honda CB500FA | 2016 Suzuki GSX-R750

  5. #105
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Q. How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb?

    A. None. They never get the house.

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    1975 BMW R90/6 | 2008 Triumph Tiger 1050 ABS | 2009 Honda CRF100F | 2009 Yamaha TrailWay 200 | 2012 Yamaha WR250R | 2016 Honda CB500FA | 2016 Suzuki GSX-R750

  6. #106
    Satans Donkey Uncle Snake's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    A guy with a wooden eye goes out to a dance. At the dance he sees a beatiful woman with a wooden leg sitting all alone. After thinking aobut it, he walks over and asks her "Would you like to dance?"

    Pleasantly surprised, the woman looks him over and exclaims "Would I!!??"

    The mans screams "Peg leg!!!" and walks away.

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    Jake
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  7. #107
    martyk martyk's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    a man goes into a bar and sits down, there is a sign next to a pot of gold which says "Win this pot of gold"
    So the man asks the bartender what the deal is.
    The bartender states he has a horse out back and the horse just isnt happy and wont stop frowning, i just want my horse to be happy. if you can make my horse happy you can have this pot of gold
    the man thinks for a minute and says " ok ill give it a try" , he goes out back and after a brief minute he comes back out and says there ya go, the bartender rushes out back and then comes back out front, quite astonished that the horse is laughing hysterically.
    the bartender promptly hands over the pot of gold to the patron

    a week or so later the man goes into the same bar, yet again there is a sign with a pot of gold so the man asks the bartender about it
    the bartender states that since he made the horse laugh he hasnt stopped and its become quite annoying
    the man takes a sip of his drink and says, "i'l be right back"
    after a short moment he comes back out and says the horse stopped laughing,
    once again the bartender rushes out back to find the horse crying hysterically
    the bartender emerges from the back and says to the patron
    "ok i will give you this gold but under one circumstance, you have to tell me how you got the horse to laugh the first time and explain how you made him cry"
    the patron agrees and says "i made the horse laugh by telling him i had a bigger dick then him, i made him cry by showing him"


    -yes i know its long (ba dun pssh) but hopefully someone gets a laugh

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  8. #108
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    What begins with "F" and ends with "uck?"

    Fire Truck.

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  9. #109
    Satans Donkey Uncle Snake's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    So a guy is out cutting his grass and runs over his neighbors cat and cuts off it's tail.so he packs it up and takes it to Walmart...

    Because he heard Walmart is the worlds largest retailer..

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    Jake
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  10. #110
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Three college freshman roommates meet at Harvard for the first time.

    The first was from NYC. He started off. "I don't want to brag or anything, but my father owns a skyscraper so tall you can't see the top, even on a clear day.

    Next was a Texan. "Well, I don't want to brag either, but my daddy's ranch is so big, you can't ride around it in one whole day, even on a fast horse."

    The third roommate is from Maine. "Well, my dad isn't rich or anything, but 7 blackbirds can stand on his pecka at once."

    This causes a pause in the conversation. Finally, the New Yorker starts in again. "Fellows, I don't want to get off on the wrong foot. I've been thinking about it, and if it was a particularly clear day, I'm sure you could see the top of my dad's skyscraper."

    "I'll tell you what," said the Texan "I've been thinking as well. If you had a good horse, I believe you probably can ride around the ranch in a day."

    "Gents, I've been feeling bad myself" said the Mainer. "You see, that seventh Blackbird? He's got to stand on one leg."

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  11. #111
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    What did the zero say to the eight?

    "Nice belt!"

    Q. Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and a moped?

    A. A moped can make it to 30.


    Q. How can you tell when a Gold Wing rider is having an affair?

    A. His helmet doesn't match the passenger.

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    Last edited by Garandman; 12-11-11 at 12:38 PM.
    1975 BMW R90/6 | 2008 Triumph Tiger 1050 ABS | 2009 Honda CRF100F | 2009 Yamaha TrailWay 200 | 2012 Yamaha WR250R | 2016 Honda CB500FA | 2016 Suzuki GSX-R750

  12. #112
    Satans Donkey Uncle Snake's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex-life.


    She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband.


    At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs ... enough times that her husband finally asks, "Are you wearing crotchless panties?"


    "Y-e-s," she answers with a seductive smile.


    "Thank God - I thought you were sitting on the cat."

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    Jake
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  13. #113
    Super Moderator OreoGaborio's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......


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    -Pete LRRS/CCS #82 - ECK Racing, TonysTrackDays, Ironstone Ventures
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  14. #114
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    When is a measuring stick like a king?

    When it's a ruler.

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  15. #115
    Lifer RyanNicholson's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    I was going to post a gay joke, butt fuck it.

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  16. #116
    Super Moderator OreoGaborio's Avatar
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    Funny... I'm laughing at that, and yet at this very moment I'm participating in Sexual Harassment training.

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    -Pete LRRS/CCS #82 - ECK Racing, TonysTrackDays, Ironstone Ventures
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  17. #117
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    Doctor to man: "your wife is very sick, but I'm not sure if it's HIV or alzheimers. "

    Man :"oh my, what should I do?"

    Doctor: "drive her 50 miles away and leave her there. If she finds her way home, don't fuck her".

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    "Too bad ponies are assholes."

    OXX

  18. #118
    Lifer tsorfas's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    im damaged from this topic

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  19. #119
    Lifer Garandman's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
    What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.


    Two little potatoes are standing on the street corner. How can you tell which one is the prostitute?

    The one with the little sticker that says "IDAHO."

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    Last edited by Garandman; 01-24-12 at 11:43 AM.
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  20. #120
    BMW track whore e30addict's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves?

    Christopher Walken

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  21. #121
    BMW track whore e30addict's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Father Murphy, a traveling priest, was visiting parishes in Louisiana. It was a particularly sever winter and 26 inches of snow was on the ground. Unheard of in the south. One morning, while visiting a church in New Orleans, he noticed two naked 12 year old boys standing outside in the snow. He asked them what they were doing. "Well," one boy replied, "Father Flannigan likes to have a few cold ones after service."

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  22. #122
    Career Grifter KawiSmurf's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......


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  23. #123
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......


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  24. #124
    First name on the shit list.... SVRACER01's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Quote Originally Posted by KawiSmurf View Post
    wwwwooooowwww. im fairly certain someones going to hell for that.


    in other news

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  25. #125
    Career Grifter KawiSmurf's Avatar
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    Re: Terrible, terrible joke.......

    Quote Originally Posted by SVRACER01 View Post
    wwwwooooowwww. im fairly certain someones going to hell for that.


    in other news
    I think I've just read more fucked up Parkinson's jokes than Michael J Fox can shake a stick at.

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