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School Me: Weddings

  1. #1
    Lifer
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    School Me: Weddings


    We will be paying for it ourselves...

    What did you spend?
    What should you have spent?
    What would you have done different?

    I've only looked into one venue and it was $7500 Fri or Sunday.

    We don't have a date set, whats realistic?

    I'm not too excited about planning this, as I'm pretty sure she and I will differ as to traditional or non-traditional.

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  2. #2
    Lifer loudbeard's Avatar
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    I'm going through this now and all I can say after looking at spending between $12k for a Saturday wedding and a mediocre venue and $25k for a weekend long event up in the White Mountains...we're fucking off and going to Mexico and whoever wants to show up that week is welcome to. Last I remember weddings are supposed to be fun; the entire industry just sucks the fun right out of it. We'll have a nice party when we get home.

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  3. #3
    Senior Member MUZ720's Avatar
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    Having done this 3 times. Go to Key West get marred on the beach stay drunk for a few days have a lot of sex. Fly home and have a party with friends and family later!��
    edit: think we spent 600 on the flight, 1200. for a nice room 300 for the wedding ceremony. and maybe 400 more on food and drinks. .2500 total. then a party at our house. maybe another 1200? been awhile..

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    Last edited by MUZ720; 03-02-18 at 01:30 PM.

  4. #4
    Lifer Falko's Avatar
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    So, my info is dated. I got married in 2000. My wife and I paid for the wedding ourselves, minus the open bar at the reception which my FIL picked up.
    We dropped around $7k all said and done, including rings and dress.
    We did a destination wedding in Stowe VT. Picked a nice hotel, but not the best, had the wedding at the community church, had the reception at the hotel. Only thing we really splurged on was my wife wanted a horse carriage ride from the church to the pictures and back to the hotel. Everyone there had a great time, most were hammered (my FIL none too happy about the bill, and my diabetic cousin spent the following day in the hospital).
    I was once told you make the event what it is, not the venue.
    My friend got married a year earlier, dropped $35k. Regrets it to this day.

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  5. #5
    Awesomeness, Inc. MattR302's Avatar
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    At the venue we picked out, we didn't have enough guests for a Saturday wedding, we had about 100 people. Some have like 160 or 200 minimum for a Saturday. I asked a few of my friends if they would prefer a Friday night wedding, though they would have to leave work early, or a Sunday afternoon wedding. All definitely preferred Friday.

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  6. #6
    #494
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    I think we spent +- $5k... kept it real tight, 70 people total. Used the second floor "function hall" of a local restaurant. Had a friend do the photos, a couple more played a few acoustic sets for us, cake, etc. So the room plus the food was our only cost. We just wanted to enjoy the night with some good friends. Fuck what the industry tells you to do, they make it stupid expensive.

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  7. #7
    Lifer LuvDog's Avatar
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    Itís been a while but I think ours was around $12k.

    It was a fun wedding. Very short ceremony and a big reception.

    Would I spend that money again? Maybe. It really was a fun party. But we could have used that money for better purposes.




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  8. #8
    Lifer loudbeard's Avatar
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    Oh, going to Mexico I’m going to be all in for under $5k including feeding 50 people.

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    I went to MMI I know what Im doing here chief

  9. #9
    Backwoods lobster boy number9's Avatar
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    Quote Originally Posted by Gixxer View Post
    We will be paying for it ourselves...

    What did you spend?
    What should you have spent?
    What would you have done different?

    I've only looked into one venue and it was $7500 Fri or Sunday.

    We don't have a date set, whats realistic?

    I'm not too excited about planning this, as I'm pretty sure she and I will differ as to traditional or non-traditional.
    First things first, you need to agree on what you want to do. Big, small, traditional, modern.. get that figured out first.

    I've been to some small intimate weddings and some over-the-top weddings where the flowers alone cost more than all of my cars put together. But bigger isn't always better and more expensive isn't always better either. Depending on your circumstances, you might be throwing a party for your friends (woohoo!) or your family & extended relatives (boo!). It all depends on your expectations, your fiance's expectations and your families' expectations.

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    Last edited by number9; 03-02-18 at 01:24 PM.
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  10. #10
    Burns retinas nhbubba's Avatar
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    I've also done this twice. All things equal I'd run away, elope. Get hitched in front of a JP. Pay a bum $10 to be the witness. Whatever. Then throw one hell of a party when you get home. You can buy a really nice cake for reasonable money as long as you don't use the word "wedding".

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  11. #11
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    Dont do a sunday or saturday morning wedding you cheap fuck (spoken from some one who was in a sat morning one) and sunday ones suck becuase everyone has to work the next day.

    I got lucky the inlaws paid for a big chunk, total was like 12-14k with everything. dresses, suits, booze, place, flowers, photographer fucked me though

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  12. #12
    Dictionary quoting knob stoinkythepig's Avatar
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    We had a traditional wedding 26 years ago and I would never do that again. It was not big (under 100 guests), but I think it cost over 10 grand, which was a lot of money for us at the time. In-laws helped out, but we paid the majority. Wife and I felt like we were constantly trying to follow a schedule and it was kind of exhausting, not really fun.

    The best wedding/reception I ever attended was a Friday night event at a country club up in VT on Lake Champlain. There was no head table, no structured schedule, no announcing of the bride and groom, and no assigned seating. Just a quick ceremony, plenty of food, an open bar for the first hour, cash bar after that and a decent DJ that just played music without all the "The bride cuts the cake" crap.

    If my daughters ever get married, I hope I can convince my wife to offer up cash in lieu of a big wedding. I'd rather help them buy a house than waste money on a party where my kid is a princess for a day...

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  13. #13
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    I started off with almost everyone onboard for a backyard wedding. When that eventually got nixed I almost got approved an island wedding with flying a select group of individuals down. That idea never made it off the ground. Once the future mother-in-law got involved things escalated quickly. I ultimately picked the venue (110 guests) but things continued to pile on from there. Never keep an official tally but somewhere in the $40k range with honeymoon included.

    Don't spend a lot of money on a wedding. The day flies by and why spend that much money on a party which all vendors inflate their service costs for. Rather use some of the savings for a kick ass honey moon.

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  14. #14
    Lifer loudbeard's Avatar
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    Oh, and wedding vendors are very much like funeral vendors. They will title and phrase things in such a way to attempt to make you feel like a cheap prick for having any silly notion of frugality in you simple manhead.

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    I went to MMI I know what Im doing here chief

  15. #15
    Perpetual Amateur CEO's Avatar
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    Quote Originally Posted by loudbeard View Post
    we're fucking off and going to Mexico and whoever wants to show up that week is welcome to. Last I remember weddings are supposed to be fun; the entire industry just sucks the fun right out of it. We'll have a nice party when we get home.
    Quote Originally Posted by MUZ720 View Post
    Having done this 3 times. Go to Key West get marred on the beach stay drunk for a few days have a lot of sex. Fly home and have a party with friends and family later!��
    Quote Originally Posted by nhbubba View Post
    I've also done this twice. All things equal I'd run away, elope. Get hitched in front of a JP. Pay a bum $10 to be the witness. Whatever. Then throw one hell of a party when you get home. You can buy a really nice cake for reasonable money as long as you don't use the word "wedding".
    Exactly what we did, except in the caribbean and she didn't know we were going to get married until we got there (we weren't even engaged... we were engaged for approximately 10 seconds) Another difference is that some of the money we saved, we used to ball out - I had a helicopter bring us to the island.

    A month later we did a super nice family dinner at a restaurant for 12 people (meritage in boston, highly recommended).

    Then we threw a big cocktail party 6 months later for 100 people. No ceremony or church or daddy daughter dance crap... just fun times at a bar with friends.

    I recommend elopement only if you have parents and in-laws that will be cool with that route (we knew they would), or in the case if you don't care if they are cool with it.

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    Last edited by CEO; 03-02-18 at 02:56 PM.
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  16. #16
    ^ It's my bike and my car tls25rs's Avatar
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    I will say this as a single guy that has never been married.

    Met a couple attending a Red Sox game at Fenway sitting beside us and they were from England so we got to talking about how a couple from England winds up at a Red Sox game at Fenway. Turns out they had just been married and instead of spending the $30-40k expected of them by friends/family/local custom they decided they would take that money and spend it on a trip around the world to create great memories in many locations instead. They planned to have a BBQ with friends when they got back home to celebrate their marriage but they figured if they were going to spend $30-40k they would do it on a lengthy exciting trip around the world with each other instead of a one day party fraught with potential drama and headaches from things they were "supposed" to do. I'm pretty sure the schedule was between 6 and 8 weeks and went from England to the US (multiple stops) to Central America to Asia to South Africa to Europe and then home to England.

    Sounded like a cool idea to me.

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  17. #17
    suburban ghetto living... black's Avatar
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    out of pocket 17k? parents chipped in another 6k
    this was for a winery ( jacuzzi) in Sonoma with hotel etc. and then a 5 day road trip to Tahoe. we did a wine tour before the wedding, no real bachelor or bachelorette party just the guys and girls at a bif dinnner, we had a wedding rehearsel dinner at Santa? in sonoma. cost was abotu 150$ a person out of pocket 1300?
    had about 35 people? at our wedding
    great experience. I'd do it again. I'd rather save money too and do a cheaper wedding but it was a great time in a great venue


    Its the experience.

    PS we only invited 35 people cause honestly we didnt know many people and well still don't I cant even imagine having a wedding with 100 people.

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    hmmmm......

  18. #18
    Backwoods lobster boy number9's Avatar
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    At the end of the day, you're doing two things: celebrating & affirming your love for one another, and throwing a party for your friends.

    If/when I get married again, I would split it up. Very small ceremony for the first part, and just a big ol' party for the second part.

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  19. #19
    Lifer burnham's Avatar
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    Did in in 2003. We had about 100 people, rented the country club in the next town over. IIRC we spent around $7k not including the dress and tux. Our parents kicked in a couple grand each.

    We had a great time. Honestly one of the best days of my life. When things wound down after the wedding all of our close friends came back to our house and we partied until 3 or 4 in the morning. The next day was rainy and cool so we all had breakfast together and watched movies. Then Sunday me and the bride flew out for a 4 day cruise.

    We disagreed about the number of people to invite, and how much we should spend, but by not much. In the end we kept things cheap and still were really happy with everything. It's only a day, the details you (she) will worry about, nobody else will even notice.

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  20. #20
    Bizarro Zoolander Petorius's Avatar
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    Did it last year. Just the two of us, JP from the internet, and photographer that my wife worked for at the time. We did it at her family's house in the white mountains. If I could do it again we would do the same ceremony but we would have invited our parents. Both sets were pissed and it didnt end up being all the "romantic" anyway. We did a bunch of hikes in our outfits after and got cool pictures. That was definitely worth it.

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  21. #21
    #494
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    I'd like to add, we had a good friend "officiate" the ceremony. For a hundred or so bucks and a signature from Deval Patrick he could marry us and only us and only on said day. He wrote up our vows and pronounced us as married. Way cooler than paying some random person you don't know and will never see again.

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  22. #22
    Lifer
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    Quote Originally Posted by b0xmonkey View Post
    I think we spent +- $5k... kept it real tight, 70 people total. Used the second floor "function hall" of a local restaurant. Had a friend do the photos, a couple more played a few acoustic sets for us, cake, etc. So the room plus the food was our only cost. We just wanted to enjoy the night with some good friends. Fuck what the industry tells you to do, they make it stupid expensive.
    Thats awesome, reading your replied it dawned on me that we have a photographer friend! Thanks, that takes care of one thing...

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  23. #23
    Lifer
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    Quote Originally Posted by stoinkythepig View Post
    We had a traditional wedding 26 years ago and I would never do that again. It was not big (under 100 guests), but I think it cost over 10 grand, which was a lot of money for us at the time. In-laws helped out, but we paid the majority. Wife and I felt like we were constantly trying to follow a schedule and it was kind of exhausting, not really fun.

    The best wedding/reception I ever attended was a Friday night event at a country club up in VT on Lake Champlain. There was no head table, no structured schedule, no announcing of the bride and groom, and no assigned seating. Just a quick ceremony, plenty of food, an open bar for the first hour, cash bar after that and a decent DJ that just played music without all the "The bride cuts the cake" crap.

    If my daughters ever get married, I hope I can convince my wife to offer up cash in lieu of a big wedding. I'd rather help them buy a house than waste money on a party where my kid is a princess for a day...
    That sounds perfect.

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  24. #24
    Lifer
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    Quote Originally Posted by db79 View Post
    I started off with almost everyone onboard for a backyard wedding. When that eventually got nixed I almost got approved an island wedding with flying a select group of individuals down. That idea never made it off the ground. Once the future mother-in-law got involved things escalated quickly. I ultimately picked the venue (110 guests) but things continued to pile on from there. Never keep an official tally but somewhere in the $40k range with honeymoon included.

    Don't spend a lot of money on a wedding. The day flies by and why spend that much money on a party which all vendors inflate their service costs for. Rather use some of the savings for a kick ass honey moon.
    My brother announced their engagement and asked me, our parents and her siblings to go to Antigua or wherever for the wedding... I reluctantly said I would go, but thought it was kinda shitty I would have to drop 2k to attend a wedding.... it eventually fell apart and different happen (that plan, not the relationship) and I was thrilled. I don't want to put anyone out too much for whatever we do.

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  25. #25
    Lifer PhilB's Avatar
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    I think the main thing to be aware of, for both you and your intended, is that there is a large industry out there, dedicated and finely tuned to making all of this *very* expensive. They will try to make her feel like if she doesn't get to be an absolute princess, then she's a failure, and if you don't pony up for every little upgrade, you're a cheapskate and unsuccessful, and everyone you know will think badly of you if this isn't the greatest extravaganza they've ever seen. Separate yourselves from those people in that industry.

    The other part is to be as clear as you can be about what you want it to look like, and agree on that. Do you want more formal, or more party? Do you want an adults-only event, or are kids welcome?

    My wife and I did spend a fair bit, about $12K total, but we were in our 30's, could afford it, and did want to share the event with a lot of people. We paid for it ourselves. We skipped a lot of the details and frills, but spent in the areas where we wanted it to be nice. About 1/3 of that was the food. We had about 200 guests, abut 40 of whom were children, and fed them all a nice Italian dinner.

    We didn't go too formal; for example, we told the male attendants to wear a black or dark blue suit, and the females we sent a swatch of cloth of the main color, and said "wear something that goes with this". We didn't stand too much on tradition. She had two male and two female attendants; I had two women and one man. Because those were our best friends. Neither of us is religious, so we just chose a person we respected to perform the ceremony -- who we ended up choosing was our motorcycle dealer, Sonny Angel.

    It was expensive, but it also remains as the best day of my life so far, so I'm happy with that. The day is about you two, and making it look how you like. If you get pulled into impressing other people, you're doomed.

    PhilB

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    Last edited by PhilB; 03-02-18 at 10:17 PM.
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