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School Me: Weddings

  1. #26
    Burns retinas nhbubba's Avatar
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    Re: School Me: Weddings


    I remember cake tasting. WTF man. After the first 15 fork full of cakes they all taste like sugar, milk, eggs and flour.

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  2. #27
    Bizarro Zoolander Petorius's Avatar
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    Quote Originally Posted by PhilB View Post
    I think the main thing to be aware of, for both you and your intended, is that there is a large industry out there, dedicated and finely tuned to making all of this *very* expensive. They will try to make her feel like if she doesn't get to be an absolute princess, then she's a failure, and if you don't pony up for every little upgrade, you're a cheapskate and unsuccessful, and everyone you know will think badly of you if this isn't the greatest extravaganza they've ever seen. Separate yourselves from those people in that industry.
    One thing I will say though, if the photographer seems expensive, keep in mind they are likely putting in 2x-3x the hours editing after the big day. And likely paying a second shooter $400-500 for the day as well. Expect to spend >$2.5K for someone with any amount of experience, unless you are getting a friend/just-starting-out discount.

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  3. #28

    Re: School Me: Weddings

    Sheesh...be glad you're not Indian!

    3 days...pay for (less wealthy) family's hotel for a week from out of town...300+ people (people you don't even know)...$60,000+ for one in central MA. I have seen some in Boston/NY/LA that easily bust the $100,000 mark. The parents always pay for it. I am the "childish"/embarrassment to the family - I don't take a dime, and l stay single and spend it on real estate investing and bikes, thanks

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  4. #29
    Senior Member MUZ720's Avatar
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    Just recalling all three times I did this. 1st one was the big traditional wedding. Church, horse drawn carrage, lots of photos, video, big reception and honey moon. Lots of prep time took over a year to plan. 125 people.Cost was out of control. Second smaller version of the frist. Still alot of money and i forgot the ring!🤔 both where fun and a pain all rolled into one. Got pulled in every direction possible. And felt at times like it was more about everyone else then me want her. Third time was the charm had a blast we both could not have been happier. We did what we wanted when we wanted. Good luck. Try to find what works for you both over what others think is best.

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  5. #30
    Angry Gumball RandyO's Avatar
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    farmers are getting into the wedding venue business as a way to pick up a few extra $$. We have a client that built a barn for a mountain top venue. I attended his son's wedding, awesome location 360 panoramic view, He had the AdamEzra Group
    School Me: Weddings-adam-jpgSchool Me: Weddings-ash-jpgSchool Me: Weddings-jen-jpgSchool Me: Weddings-sunset-jpg

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  6. #31
    Senior Member BMMCBR's Avatar
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    My wife and I spent ~$150 on a Justice of the Peace and got married on the beach with 6 people in attendance. No one got to tell us what to do (because they weren't paying) and we're not in $10-40k of debt.

    Couldn't be happier about it. School Me: Weddings

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  7. #32
    Lifer ZX-12R's Avatar
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    If you are careful in your planning, you can get a lot done for a reasonable amount of money. Venue and food are a big portion of your budget. There are a number of restaurants with good function halls that are reasonably priced. You just need to shop around for them. We even walked away from one venue because they continued to try and guilt trip me into spending more even after I told them to lay off those tactics. Photos were done by a family friend and we skipped a videographer because we both thought it was dumb. With a photographer, make sure you own the rights to the pictures so discuss that up front. We hired a relatively green DJ who was still trying to get exposure. We had seen him at someone else's wedding and he did a fantastic job. The reception seemed to fly by because he kept everything moving and everyone involved. With 180ish people, we were able to keep ours under $10K.

    All that said, the most fun wedding I went to was when I was a plus one for some friends of my wife's family. 35ish people all in their back yard and they told everyone to bring food instead of gifts. The bride and groom provided the booze. The ceremony was short and sweet and we partied well into next morning. I think they spent $500 total on alcohol and a tent.

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  8. #33
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    I think a lot of this depends on the bride-to-be. Weddings (IMO) are usually for her and her parents. We did the whole traditional thing (28 years ago), and if I had it to do over again I'd have a simple ceremony, and a huge casual party afterwards. My sister did it this way down south and it was a blast and a fraction of the cost of ours.

    And forget about planning - your opinion means nothing!

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    Last edited by Bonk!; 03-03-18 at 07:17 PM.

  9. #34
    Lifer tsorfas's Avatar
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    Quote Originally Posted by RandyO View Post
    farmers are getting into the wedding venue business as a way to pick up a few extra $$. We have a client that built a barn for a mountain top venue. I attended his son's wedding, awesome location 360 panoramic view, He had the AdamEzra Group
    School Me: Weddings-adam-jpgSchool Me: Weddings-ash-jpgSchool Me: Weddings-jen-jpgSchool Me: Weddings-sunset-jpg
    those Barn Venues are becoming very common lately

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  10. #35
    Lifer zxme's Avatar
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    After seeing many close fam and friends get divorced after dumping 25k on a wedding we decided to invite 100 at most, researched a photographer and DJ. Married in a Church and it was great imop

    Total was about 4k

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    Last edited by zxme; 03-04-18 at 12:15 AM.

  11. #36
    Lifer
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    Finally getting around to actually planning a wedding and Im glad I have this thread to re-read.

    Hoping it ends up being more like it is what we make it, not the venue makes it.

    Crane estate is $12k for the great house plus 25k minimum food and beverage, plus whatever else. Thats the high end for us.

    Mid point is a vineyard wedding.

    Modest end would be church ceremony with a reception at a brewery or function hall or even at our property.


    Im not entirely clear on what she wants yet, but I do know the guest list is already bigger than I expected. I really want to do an open bar so our friends and family get sloppy on us... but that bill could be frightening.

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  12. #37
    Lifer Chippertheripper's Avatar
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    37 grand on a single day is ridiculous. You know what else you could do with all that cash??
    I flicked through both pages to make sure I’m not repeating myself, and I’ll sum up my thoughts as quickly as possible:
    Have a small, private ceremony at the location of your choosing, either religious or natural, with only the closest and most immediate family you can get away with.
    Throw a large, catered bash and invite everybody you want after and whoop it up.
    Then pocket 20-27k.
    You can have a righteous bash for 10k. Like proper.

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  13. #38
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    I remember reading this back when it was first asked, and was curious about the wedding industry thing bumping up costs. My mom's been a florist for a long time, and a lot of her work comes from weddings. I asked, and she said they don't treat it any differently. But if you asked her what would be a typical arrangement, or ballpark numbers, you might get some genuinely surprising values that are truthful. I know the various numbers shes mentioned over the years have surprised me. Granted, I'm in the 'keep it simple' camp so maybe they're totally normal to most people. Another factor she mentioned was that it was kinda important to know it would be for a wedding, to help match color themes for the outfits. I suppose that really only matters for a traditional ceremony. They also have a regular process for wedding planning. Specific questions to ask about the plans, relationships with various venues, printed books of arrangements to go through etc. Not born from trying to bump the spending up - just efficiency and making sure everyone's happy on the day of.

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  14. #39
    Senior Member capitalcrew's Avatar
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    In the final parts of planning my wedding now. Here's what I've found.

    Catering: This seems to be where most of the crooks are IMO. I've had so many bad experiences with caterers at this point. These people advertise one thing and then present you with something different entirely. One website said X amount of dollars per person, then you actually get a quote and they failed to mention that number was only for weddings at their restaurant, they require you to rent a huge tent for them, etc etc etc. It ended up being about 5x the original cost. PASS.

    The next caterer seemed great. Food truck style. Tried a bit of their food at a show and everything was awesome. Get looking at their website and menu and it seems expensive but manageable. Have a phone call which is where red flags started popping up. She couldn't tell me what she charged for things. Everything I asked for a price on she said she couldn't give me one. Why? It's your fucking business, don't you know how much it costs to make food item X for 100 people? At least an approximation? After discussing what we wanted with her and giving her a head count she sent us over two options, one that was over budget by about 1 or 2k and included nothing we wanted and one that was about 10k over budget but had SOME of the things we wanted. Another pass.

    Finally we broke down and went with what's just a catering business / restaurant and not a wedding caterer. They're well established (dinosaur bbq), responsive, easy to work with, their pricing is clearly outlined and simple. We got nearly everything we wanted, some things we didn't need, and ended up like 4k under the quote from the cheapest bare bones quote we had already received. Do business with people like this rather than the first two. You'll spot them easily when you talk to them.

    Venues: There's a massive variety out there for a wild range of prices. Some include a wedding planner, some don't. What I've found is that every single vendor will have a pretty good grasp on what they need to do so the planner is an expense you don't need. We're doing a barn. It's the second cheapest one we could find. It's a beautiful place, very roomy, tons of parking (this is essential, watch out for it), and not a long drive for anyone. It's not CHEAP, but it's "cheap" enough compared to other barns charging 12k+. (we paid half that)

    Photographer: I like photography, it's a hobby of mine. These dudes are underappreciated. I would not spend money on a cheap photographer. The pictures last forever man, you'll want them to be good. My sister went with a budget photographer and I just saw her pictures last week. I could have done a better job. The composition is poor, the use of light is poor, the editing is poor, and they were shooting with the beep on. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Professional cameras have a quiet shutter mode for a reason and these people had the beeps still on! I was very unimpressed. We're spending about 4k on our photographer but it's money well spent. I enjoy his work, his use of light is excellent and he's been very easy to work with.

    Officiant: We spent 600 dollars on ours. It seems silly, she's just going to say some words and be done.. but she's helped us plan the ceremony down to details we hadn't even thought of. I do recommend having a professional do it. I've seen it done both ways and I believe the expense is worth it.

    DJ: Man. DJs are all fuckin wierd. Most important thing here is to make sure your guy has a backup plan and gets your music tastes. Also want him to have an idea of what you're looking for as far as stuff during the reception. Some do games. Some do just music. Some talk a lot and some don't.

    We're spending more than I'd like. Somewhere between 20-25k. I'd like to keep that money. It's a good share of a house down payment. It's a brand new car. It's a lot of things, but it's also a really killer wedding with my family, friends, and pictures of it that'll last the rest of my life.

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  15. #40
    Senior Member MUZ720's Avatar
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    It really just comes down to what makes you both happy! As I stated I've done the Lg, Sm and private weddings each one was great. My daughter is getting married she is the last of her LG group of friends to get hitched. Shes been part many from LG extravagant ones , destination weddings to simple small ones. I was ready to go broke as the father of the bride. But she surprised me with we are going to elope and take a vacation to Colorado and get married out there just the two of them. So my point is again just do what makes sense for the both of you. Enjoy.

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    Last edited by MUZ720; 02-08-19 at 03:28 PM.

  16. #41
    is not wearing pants Point37's Avatar
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    Quote Originally Posted by Gixxer View Post
    Finally getting around to actually planning a wedding and Im glad I have this thread to re-read.

    Hoping it ends up being more like it is what we make it, not the venue makes it.

    Crane estate is $12k for the great house plus 25k minimum food and beverage, plus whatever else. Thats the high end for us.

    Mid point is a vineyard wedding.

    Modest end would be church ceremony with a reception at a brewery or function hall or even at our property.

    Im not entirely clear on what she wants yet, but I do know the guest list is already bigger than I expected. I really want to do an open bar so our friends and family get sloppy on us... but that bill could be frightening.
    not sure what the prices are like (may be expensive) but i'd look into some ski lodges if i had to do it over...best weddings i've been to were at loon and wachusett...but def stay on the cheap side...everything is stupid expensive...save that extra money for multiple honeymoons

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  17. #42
    Lifer nt650hawk's Avatar
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    11 closest family member at a very fine restaurant. maybe $1,500. We were going to pay for it but the parents gave their credit card before we did . HELL YEA. Then the next 2 weeks in Hawaii by ourselves.

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  18. #43
    Senior Member MUZ720's Avatar
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    We were going to pay for it but the parents gave their credit card before we did . HELL YEA. Then the next 2 weeks in Hawaii by ourselves.
    You must have been on the brakes early! lol

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  19. #44
    Super Moderator TheIglu's Avatar
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    There more people there are, the less time you can spend with each one.

    I had the big expensive wedding. Sure, it was fine, and fun. But I didn't pay. If it was our money, we would of gone cheap and still had just as much fun.


    I helped my best friend get married in a tent in the backyard of his future inlaws. We brewed our own beer, fermented our own wine, made the food (protein, all other dishes were assigned to certain guests instead of a wedding present), acted as the DJ (seriously, playlist and hit play when the time comes), etc. Bride's cousin officiated. Rented a bathroom trailer. 100 people, everyone had a blast.

    Well under $5k, all said and done.


    Really. It's 4 hours. The $$$ spent doesn't matter. The people there do. That's all there is to it.

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  20. #45
    Lifer loudbeard's Avatar
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    To close the loop on our plan...

    We just got back from Mexico last Saturday, we spent a week at an all inclusive resort just south of Cancun. We did a Saturday to Saturday trip, we had about 50 guests, and really had a brilliant time. The order went; Saturday arrive, Sunday we went out separate ways for bachelor/bachelorette parties then rallied back around 5:30 pm for the rehearsal and dinner, the ceremony was on Monday. We structured it this way so guests who wanted to take minimal vacation time could fly out Tuesday. A few people left Tuesday (all regretted it) then the bulk of the guests left Wednesday/Thursday, and about 10 remained through Saturday with us. We chose a mid-priced resort (Now Jade,) with our discount an entry level room was about $225/night. The biggest difference we found between this tier of resort and going to a high end resort was the quality of alcohol. They had low to mid shelf spirits, and if you didn't specify Bacardi in you mojito, you were getting bottom shelf. That said, it was really a non issue once you figured out you had to specify. We also chose a family friendly resort (Stacy and I usually go to adults only) which worked out well. One side of the resort was family friendly with pools/bar/grill, then there was an adults only side with it's own pool/bar/grill.

    As far as the wedding went, planing of, and pricing, it all went near flawlessly. The resort has a wedding department with several coordinators and they were excellent to work with. We had a choice of multiple ceremony, cocktail hour, and reception locations around the resort. Everything was clearly defined regarding pricing and our coordinator was excellent. Very responsive to all questions, really knew her shit, and on the day of she did a great job defining expectations and making sure everyone was in the right spot at the right time. All in, we spent $12,500 on the wedding through the resort (flowers, decorations, food, service, setup, etc) and about another $3,000 on other items purchased in the US (wedding dress, my suit, additional decorations.) Additionally, we had our room for the week and airfare.

    We had a blast for the bachelor party. The resort is next to the town is Puerto Morelos (highly recommend getting an AirBnB there for a week) and one of my groomsmen has been vacationing there since he was a kid. We brought all of the men-folk to Unico Beach Club for the day and were served 5 types of guacamole, 5 types of ceviche, I had a shrimp burger for lunch, amazing cocktails, and it was like our own personal slice of paradise. (If you want to see the club and other pars of Puerto Morelos, watch the butt-country song music video Somewhere On A Beach)

    The wedding day was great. The resort has a bridal suite in their spa that Stacy and her bridesmaids used to get ready. Mimosas flowed freely, the staff was excellent for them, they had a great time. My groomsmen and I hung out by the pool with my son and went up to my suite about an hour before go time to have a couple of beers and don our wedding costumes. Ceremony went off without a hitch. Photo shoot went on a bit long following, but that's every wedding. Cocktail hour was great, dinner was pretty decent (I'm a huge critic of most wedding food,) reception was great. We partied until 1:00 am. Biggest advice I can offer to perspective grooms is don't get too drunk on your wedding day. Of my 5 groomsmen, 4 were married, and none of them were able to perform on their wedding night. Don't fall into that trap.

    The rest of the week was nice, although I wish we had a bit more time to ourselves, should have stayed an few days longer. We hung out by the pool or on the beach all day, went back to the room for a shower, and met up with folks for dinner and drinks every night. It was a bunch of fun having all of your family and friends there for an extended party. I'm more the type of guy who would have preferred to just get a hotel room in the town up the road, experience the local culture a bit more, and keep my distance from most the mayonnaise people who typically populate resorts. That said, for a wedding I wouldn't do it any other way, they have it down to a science. Also, if we would have not done it on a resort, we probably would have had 20 guests not 50. The resort provides a sense of security for the people who are apprehensive about traveling out of their comfort zone.

    Anyway, it really was a great time, 10/10 would recommend anyone taking this path.

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  21. #46
    Day late, dollar short carsick's Avatar
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    Quote Originally Posted by MUZ720 View Post
    pirate weddings

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  22. #47
    Senior Member MUZ720's Avatar
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    Arghhhhh lol my phone loves to make fun of me!

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  23. #48
    Angry Gumball RandyO's Avatar
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    Quote Originally Posted by TheIglu View Post
    There more people there are, the less time you can spend with each one.

    I had the big expensive wedding. Sure, it was fine, and fun. But I didn't pay. If it was our money, we would of gone cheap and still had just as much fun.


    I helped my best friend get married in a tent in the backyard of his future inlaws. We brewed our own beer, fermented our own wine, made the food (protein, all other dishes were assigned to certain guests instead of a wedding present), acted as the DJ (seriously, playlist and hit play when the time comes), etc. Bride's cousin officiated. Rented a bathroom trailer. 100 people, everyone had a blast.

    Well under $5k, all said and done.


    Really. It's 4 hours. The $$$ spent doesn't matter. The people there do. That's all there is to it.
    very similar to my wedding, but didn't have a tent, had one lined up if necessary, but weather turned out to be perfect, couple kegs of beer, a few handles of booze, sandwich platters, and a band, when I went to hand the band the check, they tore it up saying that the gig was their gift. We had about 150 people and I don't think it cost us even $2500

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  24. #49
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    Regarding entertainment, remember this:

    Every time you hire a DJ instead of a band, a puppy dies.

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  25. #50
    Lifer
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    Re: School Me: Weddings

    I would have thought playlists would kill djs.
    Quote Originally Posted by adouglas View Post
    Regarding entertainment, remember this:

    Every time you hire a DJ instead of a band, a puppy dies.

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