[oreo_n2]

Two men were drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building.

One turns to the other and says, "You know, last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building, by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window." The bartender overhears this and just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping down the bar.

The second man says, "What, are you a nut? There is no way in hell that could happen!"

The first man says, "No, it's true. Let me prove it to you."

He gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and careens toward the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window, where he takes the elevator back up to the bar.

The second man says, "You know, I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one-time fluke."

The first man says, "No, it isn't. I'll prove it again!" And again he jumps and hurtles toward the street where the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window.

Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it. The second man says, "Well, what the hell, it works, I'll try it." He jumps over the balcony, plunges downward, and passes the... 11th.......10th.......9th.......8th.......7th....... 6th........5th.......4th........3rd........2nd......1st.. .....And hits he sidewalk with a splat.

Back upstairs, the bartender turns to the other drinker and says, "You know, Superman, you're a real asshole when you're drunk."

[Stoneman]

DISCLAIMER: May be tasteless and offensive to some...

Tarzan is swinging thru the jungle one afternoon and happens upon a rather attractive gal. He stops abruptly and asks, "what name?"

The striking young woman replies, "Jane"

Tarzan then asks, "what whole name?"

Jane stops and thinks for a minute, then says, "cunt"

Bwaaaa haaaaa haaaa!!!

[oreo_n2]

First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden.
Then he said to himself, " There's something he's needing " .
After casting about for a suitable pearl,
He kept messing around and created a girl.
Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender,
Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.
Two lovely hips to increase his desire,
And rounded and firm to bring out the fire.
Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud,
Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud.
Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you,
And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you.
Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder,
And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder.
'Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing.
Then he added a mouth. Ruined the whole fucking thing.

[nhroketboy]

OMG.....! :o

Now that was fuckin' funny!

[Stoneman]

Seven wise men with knowledge so fine,
created a pussy to their design...

First was a butcher, smart with wit,
using a knife, he gave it a slit...

Second was a carpenter, strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole...

Third was a tailor, tall and thin,
he used red velvet and lined it within...

Fourth was a hunter short and stout,
with a piece of fox fur, he lined it about...

Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell,
he threw in a fish and gave it a smell...

Sixth was a preacher, who's name was McGee,
He touched it and blessed it and said it could pee...

Last came a sailor, dirty little runt,
he sucked it and fucked it and called it a cunt...





[Edited on 6/20/02 by Stoneman]

[twrayinma]

perhaps i'm letting down the team on this one, stoneman... but... uh... what happened to the clit?
did you forget?
could you not find it?

-t

[Stoneman]

T, my man. I've been married for almost 4 years and I have two children. I can assure you that I have no problem finding my way around a woman's body...

[oreo_n2]

Quoted from the USA Today:

Was reading a story where New York's St. Vincent's Hospital has been inundated with hundreds of requests to reserve the room where Rachel Green had her baby.

For the uninitiated in the crowd, "Rachel Green" is a character on the sitcom "Friends" played by actress Jennifer Aniston.

"Rachel Green" doesn't exist. Aniston wasn't pregnant. The "hospital room" was a sound stage in Los Angeles.

One person at the hospital noted, "These women are not just having problems distinguishing between television and reality, but they're having children. That's sort of frightening."

[oreo_n2]

A very popular girl went to her doctor and found out that she was pregnant. The doctor says, "I know that you are not married! Do you know who the father of this baby is?"

The girl thought and then asked, "Doc, if you ate a can of 'Baked Beans', would you know exactly which bean made you fart?"

[twrayinma]

oh, DAMN, oreo... that's harsh...

[SteveFZR]

Well there Cat of Love, I think it goes both ways, there are women out ther that don't care either. Is it just sex you have or are you involving true feelings to the one you are with? If both are truly engulfing the situation with emotion then how could either party not be satisfied?

[Stoneman]

Jeesh, Veronica. If you keep that kinda talk up, we're gonna hafta change the name of this thread to 'blahblahblah'...

NOT talking shit is the best approach I think. If anything, tell everyone you're hung like a hamster and suck in bed, that way if you're average she's impressed.

[SteveFZR]

OK, you got me there. You won't see me type or hear me brag about that subject, well other than it is fun. Now if you want to chat abotu doing 135 on Route 3 through Plymouth............

[SteveFZR]

I am not upset Cat. You make conversation interesting

[SteveFZR]

Now if I told you that would take the fun out of it.

what do you call a blond with a runny nose,....



full!


thats my bit of bad taste

[SteveFZR]

"Airplanes Versus Women"

Airplanes can kill you quickly; a woman takes her time.
Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch.
Airplanes don't get mad if you 'touch and go.'
Airplanes don't object to a preflight inspection.
Airplanes come with manuals to explain their operation.
Airplanes have strict weight and balance limits.
Airplanes can be flown any time of the month.
Airplanes don't come with in-laws.
Airplanes don't care about how many other airplanes
you have flown before.
Airplanes and pilots both arrive at the same time.
Airplanes don't mind if you like to look at other airplanes.
Airplanes don't mind if you buy airplane magazines.
Airplanes expect to be tied down.
Airplanes don't comment on your piloting skills.
Airplanes don't whine unless something is really wrong.
However, when airplanes go quiet, just like women,
it's a bad thing.

[SteveFZR]

It isn't the aurplane, it is that sudden stop that will get you

[oreo_n2]

Blast you!!! Damn Thread Bastardizers!!!


Anyways, lovecat, to even the sides here is one to make fun of the guys out there.

Age and Manhood

1. Between 16 and 26: Tri-weekly

2. Between 27 and 46: Try weekly

3. Over 47: Try weakly