[Half Squid]

The Guys' Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules"
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!



1. Men ARE not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can -

to give them a bigger laugh

[Hardcore]

[Bhavesh]

I think I saw this on an email chain letter about 7 years ago, but it's still funny.

[MissTwisties]

....and I'm pretty sure it's been posted on here too...

[Half Squid]

Originally posted by MissTwisties
....and I'm pretty sure it's been posted on here too...

Well I guess I'll have to do a search from now on for everything I post.
We can't have duplicates...
Excuse me for being so lazy and not checking...

[Jaynnus]

Originally posted by Half Squid
Well I guess I'll have to do a search from now on for everything I post.
We can't have duplicates...
Excuse me for being so lazy and not checking...

'tis ok Mike....its still funny as hell!!

[ChrisNoF4i]

No way!

We landed on the moon!!!

[MnM]

Thats great

[Legion1440]

I sent that to every girl I know, and now they all hate me.....I LOVE IT, lol.

[chr|s sedition]

OK, I need someone to explain this to me once and for all...this may set of a war, but here goes...

Are woman really *that hard* to deal with? Like, is that shit really TRUE? Everytime I read something like the "rules" I always have two immediate thoughts;

1. DAMN!!!. Them honeys must be fucking nuts!

2. What is the 'other side' of the story? i.e. how fucking crazy do women think men are?

I mean, I get the bathroom seat thing. I've had female housemates. Just put the fucking thing down. It takes more effort to put the seat up then does to put it down. And do we really need a defered "piss setting" on a toilet anyway? But do they really freak-out over it?
But the other stuff...the 'Do I look fat?", do they "ask you how to do something" rather than just telling you how to do it, get pissed about football un sundays, etc etc...is that shit for REAL???

and ladies, I wanna hear the counter argument...

enlighten me,
-sedition

[trackdog]

Originally posted by Jaynnus
'tis ok Mike....its still funny as hell!!

[Hardcore]

Originally posted by chr|s sedition
OK, I need someone to explain this to me once and for all...this may set of a war, but here goes...

Are woman really *that hard* to deal with? Like, is that shit really TRUE? Everytime I read something like the "rules" I always have two immediate thoughts;

1. DAMN!!!. Them honeys must be fucking nuts!

2. What is the 'other side' of the story? i.e. how fucking crazy do women think men are?

I mean, I get the bathroom seat thing. I've had female housemates. Just put the fucking thing down. It takes more effort to put the seat up then does to put it down. And do we really need a defered "piss setting" on a toilet anyway? But do they really freak-out over it?
But the other stuff...the 'Do I look fat?", do they "ask you how to do something" rather than just telling you how to do it, get pissed about football un sundays, etc etc...is that shit for REAL???

and ladies, I wanna hear the counter argument...

enlighten me,
-sedition

YES---IT IS ALL TRUE!!!
WOMEN ARE ALL EVIL TEMPTRESSES FROM HELL!!!
they will lie to ya + tell ya they're not--but they are!!!
if they didn't control the sweet poontang, then NO guy in his right mind would have anything to do with them!!!

does that answer your questions

[DaSpence]

My last apartment I lived at I had 3 female roomates, one was my girlfriend....After that experience im traumatized.... Everyone at work thought I was 'the man' but they dont know what I went through.....I NEVER got to use the bathroom in that house and we had 2.

[Legion1440]

Originally posted by hardcore
YES---IT IS ALL TRUE!!!
WOMEN ARE ALL EVIL TEMPTRESSES FROM HELL!!!
they will lie to ya + tell ya they're not--but they are!!!
if they didn't control the sweet poontang, then NO guy in his right mind would have anything to do with them!!!

does that answer your questions

Couldn't agree more. Damn them and their sweet sweet poontang

[xvrider]

Ok...I'm a women...And I think its funny, but Sedation, you must know that men are just as hard to deal with as women....

And not all women are evil...

[OreoGitorio]

Originally posted by xvrider
Ok...I'm a women...And I think its funny, but Sedation, you must know that men are just as hard to deal with as women....

And not all women are evil...

LIAR!!!

Chris, you should thank God that you're gay. Men may be dumb, but Chad's right... Women are INSANE.

Sure, it may be easier to put the seat down, but it's ALOT EASIER and saves you a WET RUMP if you JUST FRIGGIN LOOK BEFORE YOU SIT!!! WE'RE HUMAN, WE FORGET THINGS (just like WOMEN forget to not rake their TEETH )

[Jaynnus]

Originally posted by chr|s sedition
OK, I need someone to explain this to me once and for all...this may set of a war, but here goes...

Are woman really *that hard* to deal with? Like, is that shit really TRUE? Everytime I read something like the "rules" I always have two immediate thoughts;

1. DAMN!!!. Them honeys must be fucking nuts! We have to be nuts to put up with a thinking penis!!

2. What is the 'other side' of the story? i.e. how fucking crazy do women think men are? I just think that the image that men in general portray, and the real deal, is two very different things

I mean, I get the bathroom seat thing. I've had female housemates. Just put the fucking thing down. It takes more effort to put the seat up then does to put it down. And do we really need a defered "piss setting" on a toilet anyway? But do they really freak-out over it? No, not all of us. I could care less. It is more important that you actually put it up so I don't have to sit on the dribble The putting it down thing, I can handle on my own!
But the other stuff...the 'Do I look fat?", do they "ask you how to do something" rather than just telling you how to do it, get pissed about football un sundays, etc etc...is that shit for REAL??? I suppose it must be a typical behaviour otherwise where did the list derive, however, like I said earlier, we are not all alike. Personally, if the GUY won't shut up during the game...he gots to go (or I will be watching the game at the pub!

and ladies, I wanna hear the counter argument...

enlighten me,
-sedition

[OreoGitorio]

IF there were a Standing Ovation smiliey, i'd use it

[R7]

Well, I'll have all the ladies know that I always put the toilet seat down when I'm done If I leave the seat up, the dog drinks out of it so that's the reason Even though I always flush when done, It's kinda gross knowing your pup just took a big drink from the shitter and climbs on your lap and gives you a big wet lick across the face

[OreoGitorio]

I'm suprised you even have it up at all... i figured you for the "sit down while ya pee" type

Sorry, i had to jk bro

[Hardcore]