[Jaynnus]

AQUARIUS
Jan. 20 - Feb. 18 You have an inventive mind and are
inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the
same mistakes repeatedly because you are
stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.


PISCES
Feb. 19 - Mar. 20 You have a vivid imagination and often
think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have
minor influence on your friends and
people resent you for flaunting power. You lack self confidence
and are a general dipshit.

ARIES
Mar. 21 - Apr. 19 You are the pioneer type and think most
people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand,
impatient and scornful of advice. You
do nothing but piss off everyone that you come in contact with.
You are a prick.

TAURUS
Apr. 20 - May. 20 You are practical and persistent. You
have dogged determination and work like hell. Most people
think you are stubborn and bullheaded.
You are nothing but a goddamn communist.


GEMINI
May. 21 - June 20 You are quick and intelligent thinker.
People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to
expect too much for too little. This
means you are a cheap bastard. Gemini's are notorious
thriving on incest.

CANCER
June 21 - July 22 You are sympathetic and understanding to
other peoples problems, which means you are a sucker.
You are always putting things off.
That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a
shit.

LEO
July 23 - Aug. 22 You consider yourself a born leader.
Others think you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are
vain and cannot tolerate honest
criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving
motherfuckers and enjoy masturbation
more than sex.

VIRGO
Aug. 23 - Sept. 22 You are the logical type and hate
disorder. Your nit-picking attitude is sickening to your friends and
co-workers. You are cold and
unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos make good
bus drivers and pimps.

LIBRA
Sept. 23 - Oct. 21 You are the artistic type and have a
difficult time with reality. If you are male you are probably queer.
Chances for employment and monetary
gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of
venereal disease.

SCORPIO
Oct. 22 - Nov. 21 The worst of the lot. You are shrewd in
business and cannot be trusted. You will achieve the
pinnacle of success because of your
total lack of ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most
Scorpios are murdered.

SAGITTARIUS
Nov. 22 -Dec. 21 You are optimistic and enthusiastic.
You have reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no
talent. The majority of Sagittarians
are drunks. Nixon is a Sagittarian. You are a worthless piece of
shit.

CAPRICORN
Dec. 22 - Jan. 19 You are conservative and afraid of
taking risks. You are best called chickenshit. There has never
been a Capricorn of any importance.
You should kill yourself.

[bigred875]

HA! who'da thunk it

ARIES
Mar. 21 - Apr. 19 You are the pioneer type and think most
people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand,
impatient and scornful of advice. You
do nothing but piss off everyone that you come in contact with.
You are a prick.

[OreoGitorio]

SAGITTARIUS
Nov. 22 -Dec. 21 You are optimistic and enthusiastic.
You have reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no
talent. The majority of Sagittarians
are drunks. Nixon is a Sagittarian. You are a worthless piece of
shit.

yeah, that's about right fer me.

[mikeb]

Originally posted by bigred875
HA! who'da thunk it

ARIES
Mar. 21 - Apr. 19 You are the pioneer type and think most
people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand,
impatient and scornful of advice. You
do nothing but piss off everyone that you come in contact with.
You are a prick.

sums me up pretty good

[oreo_n2]

thats awesome.... aquarius is right on!!!

[SVRACER01]

LEO
July 23 - Aug. 22 You consider yourself a born leader.
Others think you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are
vain and cannot tolerate honest
criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving
motherfuckers and enjoy masturbation
more than sex.

we just had an argument about this the other day

[LuvDog]

LOL

I'm gonna die of VD. sweet.

[dhuze]

SCORPIO
Oct. 22 - Nov. 21 The worst of the lot. You are shrewd in
business and cannot be trusted. You will achieve the
pinnacle of success because of your
total lack of ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most
Scorpios are murdered.




Which one of you wants to kill me first?







YA! WELL FUCK YOU!! I'll stab you in the back fucker

[daviid]

Originally posted by bigred875
HA! who'da thunk it

ARIES
Mar. 21 - Apr. 19 You are the pioneer type and think most
people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand,
impatient and scornful of advice. You
do nothing but piss off everyone that you come in contact with.
You are a prick.

[Jank]

Originally posted by Jaynnus


PISCES
Feb. 19 - Mar. 20 You have a vivid imagination and often
think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have
minor influence on your friends and
people resent you for flaunting power. You lack self confidence
and are a general dipshit.

Spot on!!!
Oops. They are listening!

[richw]

This is a NWS version of the horoscope that the
now defunct Herald Tribune and then Daily news of
New York would slip in unannounced

usual for April Fool

[Legion1440]

I'm a pimp and my girlfriend is bi......BEST HOROSCOPE EVER!!!!!!