[twrayinma]

This guy's walking home from work, really late, in the pitch black of night. There isn't another soul on the street. Suddenly, from out of the gloom, comes an ominous bump...bump...bump. He looks behind him and spots a furtive, shadowy thing coming down the street after him. Unnerved, he picks up his pace, finally breaking into a panicked run. He looks behind him again, and the shadow is closer. Bump...bump...bump. The glow of a streetlight illuminates the shadow momentarily, and, to the man's horror, it is a coffin, bumping down the sidewalk. He quickens his pace, running as fast as he can go, but the coffin only pursues more quickly. BUMP...BUMP...BUMP! He reaches his house, fumbles frantically for his keys, and slips in the door just as the coffin reaches his front steps. He slams the door and leans against it, catching his breath. Bump...bump...bump. There is a moment's silence, and the man wonders if he dares to breathe. Suddenly.... Bump...bump...bump...Bump...BUMP! BUMP! BUMPBUMPBUMPCRAAAAASH!!!! He rebounds away as the door breaks off its hinges. Scrambling to his feet, he charges up the stairs, and the coffin races after. BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP! Terrified, he backs into a corner and starts throwing everything within reach at the coffin -- a handful of papers, a vase, a box of crackers, a lamp -- but the coffin keeps coming! BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP INCHESFROMHISFACE, and nothing seems to slow it down! His hands fall upon a bottle of cough syrup, and he throws that at the coffin, too!

The coffin stops.

[twrayinma]

Why do ducks have big flat feet?
To stamp out forest fires.

[twrayinma]

Why do elephants have big flat feet?
To stamp out flaming ducks.

[twrayinma]

Have you seen the new Barbie Doctor doll?
You wind her up, and she operates on batteries.

[twrayinma]

Three elephants fell off a cliff. Two fell on land. One fell in the water.
Boom-boom-chhh!

[twrayinma]

What do you call the hair of a centaur?
Humane.

[twrayinma]

A club sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, we don't serve food here."

[twrayinma]

How do you catch a rabbit?
Hide in a meadow and make carrot noises.

[twrayinma]

Why did the commuter want the carpool driver to take the bridge?
To avoid car-pool tunnel!

[twrayinma]

Energizer Bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

[twrayinma]

Why did the farmer make a high-pitched gasp?
Because he was tired of the sigh-low.

[oreo_n2]

trying to catch up in the post count i see.

[twrayinma]

Why did the barber win the race?
He knew a short cut.

[twrayinma]

Why didn't the little girl want to leave nursery school?
She wanted to be a nurse.

[twrayinma]

Originally posted by oreo_n2
trying to catch up in the post count i see.

what's sauce for the goose...

bitch.

[twrayinma]

When is a school paper not a school paper?
When it's turned into the teacher

[g®eg]

Originally posted by transvestite ray in ma
Have you seen the new Barbie Doctor doll?
You wind her up, and she operates on batteries.

have you seen the new Barbie?

"Divorce Barbie"... she comes with all Ken's stuff

[twrayinma]

What's Mary short for?
She's got no legs.

[twrayinma]

Why was Jon walking backwards on the first day of school?
Everyone kept saying it was back to school time.

[twrayinma]

A guy went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, and then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor replied, "It's very simple. You're two tents."

[twrayinma]

Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?
If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

[twrayinma]

what do you call a cow with no legs?
ground beef.

[twrayinma]

what do you call a dog with no legs?
anything you want... it still won't come to you.

[twrayinma]

What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.

[twrayinma]

In Washington D.C., helicopters are often used to monitor the traffic conditions. Frequently jammed is the Francis Scott Key bridge, named after the man who wrote the national anthem. The bridge's traffic problem is notorious; among some, it's known as the Car Strangled Spanner.