[SteveFZR]

Stroke of Bad Luck

A guy heard from his doctor that masturbating before sex could help him last longer. So he decided to try it. He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office, so he thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured he
might get mugged. Finally, he was inspired. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate. He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and said, "What?"
He heard, "This is the police. What's going on here?" The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."

"Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill five minutes ago."

[beet]

[oreo_n2]

Ok, this one has been around before, and you probably have already seen
> it, but... what the hell.... I just had to pass it around again.... too
> good not to. ;-)
>
> ~~The Power of a Wife!~~
>
> This couple had only been married
> for two weeks. The husband, although
> very much in love, couldn't wait to
> go into town, tease the barmaids and
> party with his old buddies, so he
> says to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be
> right back..."
>
> "Where are you going coochy cooh...?"
> asked the wife.
>
> "I'm going to the bar, pretty face.
> I'm going to have a beer."
>
> The wife says to him, "You want a
> beer my love?" Then she opens the door
> to the refrigerator and shows him
> 25 different kinds of beer- brands from 12 different countries: Germany,
> Holland, Japan, India, etc (even Kitsilano Light).
>
> The husband doesn't know what to do,
> and the only thing that he can think
> of saying is, "Yes, loolie loolie...
> but the bar.... you know... the frozen
> glass..."
>
> He didn't get to finish the sentence,
> when the wife interrupts him by
> saying, "You want a frozen glass
> puppy face?" She takes a huge beer mug
> out of the freezer so frozen that she was getting chills holding it.
>
> The husband, looking a bit pale,
> says, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the
> bar they have those hors d'oeuvres
> that are really delicious...I won't be
> long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"
>
> "You want hors d'oeuvres poochi pooh?"
> She opens the oven and takes out 15
> dishes of different hors d'oeuvres:
> chicken wings, pigs in a blanket,
> mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.
>
> "But sweet honey...at the bar...you
> know...the swearing, the dirty words
> and all that..."
>
> "You want some dirty words cutie
> pie?...here,
>
> SIT THE FUCK DOWN -
> DRINK YOUR FUCKIN' BEER IN
> YOUR FROZEN FUCKIN' MUG -
> EAT YOUR FUCKIN' SNACKS -
> YOU AREN'T GOING TO
> THE FUCKIN' BAR !!!
> GOT IT, ASSHOLE ?!?!"

[beet]

Originally posted by oreo_n2
Ok, this one has been around before, and you probably have already seen
> it, but... what the hell.... I just had to pass it around again.... too
> good not to. ;-)
>
> ~~The Power of a Wife!~~
>
> This couple had only been married
> for two weeks. The husband, although
> very much in love, couldn't wait to
> go into town, tease the barmaids and
> party with his old buddies, so he
> says to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be
> right back..."
>
> "Where are you going coochy cooh...?"
> asked the wife.
>
> "I'm going to the bar, pretty face.
> I'm going to have a beer."
>
> The wife says to him, "You want a
> beer my love?" Then she opens the door
> to the refrigerator and shows him
> 25 different kinds of beer- brands from 12 different countries: Germany,
> Holland, Japan, India, etc (even Kitsilano Light).
>
> The husband doesn't know what to do,
> and the only thing that he can think
> of saying is, "Yes, loolie loolie...
> but the bar.... you know... the frozen
> glass..."
>
> He didn't get to finish the sentence,
> when the wife interrupts him by
> saying, "You want a frozen glass
> puppy face?" She takes a huge beer mug
> out of the freezer so frozen that she was getting chills holding it.
>
> The husband, looking a bit pale,
> says, "Yes, tootsie roll, but at the
> bar they have those hors d'oeuvres
> that are really delicious...I won't be
> long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"
>
> "You want hors d'oeuvres poochi pooh?"
> She opens the oven and takes out 15
> dishes of different hors d'oeuvres:
> chicken wings, pigs in a blanket,
> mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.
>
> "But sweet honey...at the bar...you
> know...the swearing, the dirty words
> and all that..."
>
> "You want some dirty words cutie
> pie?...here,
>
> SIT THE FUCK DOWN -
> DRINK YOUR FUCKIN' BEER IN
> YOUR FROZEN FUCKIN' MUG -
> EAT YOUR FUCKIN' SNACKS -
> YOU AREN'T GOING TO
> THE FUCKIN' BAR !!!
> GOT IT, ASSHOLE ?!?!"