[g®eg]

The Man Code

1. Thou shall not rent the movie "Chocolat".

2. Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.

3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may legally be killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

4. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfreind, mother, father, preist, doctor, shrink, dentist, accountant or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.

5. Unless he murdered someone is our immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50% without recrimination. Beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call "BULLSHIT!". Exception: When trying to pick up a babe, the allowable exaggeration factor rises to 400%.

7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.

8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is five minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1 thru 10 babe scale.

9. Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. You may however, gripe if the temperature of free beer is unsuitable.

10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.

11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your moral duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to ever speak of it, even at your bachelor party.

12. Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it.

13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the sport and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.

14. If a man's fly is open, that's his problem. You don't see nuthin'.

15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.

16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.

17. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask "Who's playing?".

18. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.

19. It is permissible to consume a fruity drink with an umbrella only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free.

20. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

21. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight for her.

22. If a buddy is out-numbered, out-manned or too drunk to fight, you must join the fight on his behalf. Exception: If within the past 24 hours his actions have caused you to think "What this guy needs is a good ass-whuppin'.", then you may sit back and enjoy the show.

23. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting are:
"Yeah, baby, push it!"
"C'mon, give me one more! Harder!"
"Another set and we can hit the showers."
"Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?"

24. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.

25. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be referring to his choice of beer.

26. Never join your wife/girlfriend in dissing a buddy, except when she's withholding sex pending your response.

27. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.

28. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not unless you are gay.

[Stoneman]

Those are fuckin' awesome!

MAN I'm laughing so hard right now! HAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

[nhroketboy]

That's a fricken riot!!!!!!!!

Greg, you need to come up with the same thing... only for women!

1. Thou shalt blow your man at his ever whim.

2. Thou shalt have dinner ready for your man when he walks through the door...

etc...

[PinHead]

That was sweet!

[JCsGrly]

okay its all coming back to me now rich.... i had forgotten why we use to bitch at eachother so much! its all so clear now!!! lol

[nhroketboy]

Hey Rachel... it's been way too long... I forgot how much fun it was here.

To continue....

3. A woman shall be expected to keep the house clean at all times.

4. She should be willing to expose her young nubious friends for our viewing pleasure. And to understand our need to see hot girl on girl action!

5. She will always be expected to either sleep in the wet spot, or to change the sheets immediately.

Hmmm.... there's gotta be more. Rachel, what other things do YOU do for your man????

LMFAO!!!!!!

[nhroketboy]

Come on studly.... share some of those "other" things she does for you.

#29 on the man code. A buddy shall share all his exciting "bedtime" stories with his friends.

Hee hee hee....NO COMMENT!!!