[Doc]

An Army Ranger was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana and he wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Ranger shouted, "maybe I'll just go out and get my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes made at a reasonable price!"

The vendor said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you will run into a couple of Marines who were in here earlier saying the same thing."

So the Ranger headed into the bayou that same day and a few hours later came upon two men standing waist deep in the water. He thought, "those must be the two Marines the guy in town was talking about." Just then, the Ranger saw a tremendously long gator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines.

Just as the gator was about to attack, the Marine grabbed its neck with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort. Then both Marines dragged it on shore and flipped it on its back. Laying nearby were several more of the creatures. One of the Marines then exclaimed, "Darn, this one doesn't have any shoes either!"

[naked-daytrader]

Originally Posted by Doc

An Army Ranger was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana and he wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Ranger shouted, "maybe I'll just go out and get my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes made at a reasonable price!"

The vendor said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you will run into a couple of Marines who were in here earlier saying the same thing."

So the Ranger headed into the bayou that same day and a few hours later came upon two men standing waist deep in the water. He thought, "those must be the two Marines the guy in town was talking about." Just then, the Ranger saw a tremendously long gator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines.

Just as the gator was about to attack, the Marine grabbed its neck with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort. Then both Marines dragged it on shore and flipped it on its back. Laying nearby were several more of the creatures. One of the Marines then exclaimed, "Darn, this one doesn't have any shoes either!"

That was a good one. Give me a few hours to dig up my Army jokes though...

[Doc]

Hours??? Oh yes, I forgot, Marines are SLOW.

[nilez]

a platoon of army infantry are patrolling through the jungles of Vietnam when they climb to the top of a grassy hill, surrounded by thick, dense jungle below. They see a single Marine, weighing no more than 160 lbs, laying down with his back propped against a rock and his leg crossed over the other. The Marine greets the soldiers and challenges them, "Which one of you pussies thinks he's man enough to take me on?" The largest soldier in the platoon, red in the face w/ disgust, pushes his way to the front and tangles with the Marine. Both men go tumbling down the side of the hill into the jungle and after a few minutes of loud shouting, grunting, and jungle shaking, the Marine clambers back up to the top of the hill, puts his hands on his hips and asks, "That's it?" The army platoon, in shock that their oger-sized comrade has just been beat by a man half his size, offers up 2 more good sized soldiers. Again, the three men get into a tangle, roll down the hill, and after the ruccus subsides, again the single Marine climbs triumphantly to the top of the hill. This time he doens't need to say anything, he just holds his hands out to the side of his body, raises his brows, and stands there as if asking, "What else you got?" This time 6 soldiers leap on the Marine, and for a third time all 7 men go tumbling down the hill into the jungles below. During the fighting that ensues, a single soldier manages to slip away and scramble up the hillside, he reaches the top and shouts, "RUN AWAY, IT'S AN AMBUSH, THERE'S 2 OF THEM!"

[nilez]

Stand by when you hear the five Most Dangerous Things in the Marine Corps:
1. A Private saying, "I learned this in Basic Training..."
2. A Sergeant saying, "Trust me, sir..."
3. A Second Lieutenant saying, "Based on my experience..."
4. A Captain saying, "I was just thinking..."
5. A Sergeant Major chuckling, "Watch this shit..."

[nilez]

alright alright, one more for tonight, I guess you guys can't handle too much humor in one sitting...



When Army General Smith died he went to heaven and saw St. Peter at the pearly gates. As St. Peter was looking over the list Smith stopped him. "Now look here, St. Peter, I'm sure this is a nice place and all, but an old friend of mine told me that it was full of Marines, guarding the streets and whatnot. If that's the case, I'll just be on my way, I can't stand Marines." St. Peter shook his head, "Nope, no Marines here. C'mon, I'll take you for a tour to prove it." So into heaven they went.

"See, there are those Army soldiers, guarding the pearly gates." Smith replied, "The best honor guard you can get." As they passed a lake they saw some of the Coast Guard out on their boats. "See Smith, the Coast Guard's patrolling the waters." "Right," said Smith, "no Marines here." As they passed a gym they saw a bunch of Navy guys playing some basketball. "Yeah, those Navy boys stay in shape, no Marines here." Then they noticed some jets flying overhead, "See, there's the Air Force, keeping the skies safe." "Great, no Marines, well St. Peter, heaven looks to be a fine place."

Then St. Peter turned and said, "To be fair, there's one more place I have to show you before you decide." An they turned into a beautiful golden cathedral. Inside was absolutely pristine. At the very end of the aisle on the alter stood a Marine. In completely flawless dress blues at perfect attention this Marine was completely perfect in every way. Smith turned to St. Peter, "St. Peter, you lied to me, you said there were no Marines here."

"Shh, that's God, he thinks he's a Marine."

[nilez]

wait wait one more and then i'm done for the night...



The National Science Foundation announced the following study results on U.S. military recreation preferences:

1. Sport of choice for Marines: bowling.
2. Sport of choice for Sailors: football.
3. Sport of choice for Soldiers: baseball.
4. Sport of choice for Coast Guardsmen: tennis.
5. Sport of choice for Airmen: golf.

Notice how the farther down the list you go, the smaller their balls get.

[naked-daytrader]

That's some funny shit!!!!! I could read Marine jokes all day and night....but I guess I'm a bit biased!!


Semper Fi...

[Doc]

But notice how the Soldiers get the Big Bat!

That is one thing I would love to see... A bunch of Jarheads bowling.

Originally Posted by nilez

wait wait one more and then i'm done for the night...



The National Science Foundation announced the following study results on U.S. military recreation preferences:

1. Sport of choice for Marines: bowling.
2. Sport of choice for Sailors: football.
3. Sport of choice for Soldiers: baseball.
4. Sport of choice for Coast Guardsmen: tennis.
5. Sport of choice for Airmen: golf.

Notice how the farther down the list you go, the smaller their balls get.

[naked-daytrader]

Maybe you'd like to hear about a real American, somebody who honored the uniform he wears ......Meet Brian Chontosh: First lieutenant (now Captain) in the United States Marine Corps.
And, a genuine hero, the secretary of the Navy said so yesterday.
At 29 Palms in California Brian Chontosh was presented with the Navy Cross, the second highest award for combat bravery the United States can bestow. That's a big deal. But you won't see it on the network news tonight
And all you'll read in Brian's hometown newspaper is two paragraphs of nothing. The odd fact about the American media in this war is that it's not covering the American military. The most plugged-in nation in the world is receiving virtually no true information about what its warriors are doing.
Oh, sure, there's a body count. We know how many Americans have fallen. And we see those same casket pictures day in and day out.
We get a non-stop feed of gloom and doom.
But we don't hear about the heroes.
The incredibly brave GIs who honorably do their duty. The ones our grandparents would have carried on their shoulders down Fifth Avenue.
The ones we completely ignore, like Brian Chontosh.
It was on the march into Baghdad. Brian Chontosh was a platoon leader rolling up Highway 1 in a humvee.

Then, all hell broke loose.
Ambush city.
The young Marines were being cut to ribbons. Mortars, machine guns, rocket propelled grenades.
And the kid out of Churchville was in charge. It was do or die and it was up to him.
So he moved to the side of his column, looking for a way to lead his men to safety. As he tried to poke a hole through the Iraqi line his humvee came under direct enemy machine gun fire. It was fish in a barrel and the Marines were the fish. And Brian Chontosh gave the order to attack.

He told his driver to floor the humvee directly at the machine gun emplacement that was firing at them. And he had the guy on top with the 50 cal unload on them.
Within moments there were Iraqis slumped across the machine gun and Chontosh was still advancing, ordering his driver now to take the humvee directly into the Iraqi trench that was attacking his Marines.

Over into the battlement the humvee went and out the door Brian Chontosh bailed, carrying an M16 and a Beretta and 228 years of Marine Corps pride.

And he ran along the trench, with its mortars and riflemen, machineguns and grenadiers. And he killed them all. He fought with the M16 until it was out of ammo. Then he fought with the Beretta until it was out of ammo. Then he picked up a dead man's AK4 and fought with that until it was out of ammo. Then he picked up another dead man's AK47 and fought with that until it was out of ammo. At one point he even fired a discarded Iraqi RPG into an enemy cluster, sending attackers flying with its grenade explosion.


When he was done Brian Chontosh had cleared 200 yards of entrenched Iraqis from his platoon's flank. He killed more than 20 and wounded at least as many more. But that's probably not how he would tell it. He would probably merely say that his Marines were in trouble, and he got them out of trouble. Ooh-rah, and drive on.

"By his outstanding display of decisive leadership, unlimited courage in the face of heavy enemy fire, and utmost devotion to duty, 1st Lt. Chontosh reflected great credit upon himself and upheld the highest traditions of the Marine Corps and the United States Naval Service."
That's what the citation says.
And that's what nobody will hear.
That's what doesn't seem to be making the evening news.

Accounts of American valor are dismissed by the press as propaganda, yet accounts of American difficulties are heralded as objectivity. It makes you wonder if the role of the media is to inform or to depress - to report or to deride. To tell the truth, or to feed us lies, but I guess it doesn't matter, We're going to turn out all right As long as men like Brian Chontosh wear the Eagle, Globe and Anchor

*Ninja edit*...Was sent to me by a friend last year. Was cleaning out my Documents found it and decided to post in this thread. God bless anyone who's worn any uniform for the US!

[DaSpence]

How long were you in the marines for and what did you do?

[naked-daytrader]

4 years.

I was a 2531 radio operator with a Fwd observer team. Spotted rounds for naval gunfire and the 155 howitzers of 12th marines (as well as the 11th Marines in the first gulf war).

[DaSpence]

alright you werent totally worthless then

[naked-daytrader]

Originally Posted by DaSpence

alright you werent totally worthless then

No I wasn't totally worthless.........I bypassed the Army and Navy girls club and went into a real mans organization.


Do they give you guys those cute little berets before or after you graduate bootcamp???


Ok, nows about the time Doc shows up and spreads his awesomeness on us.....wait for it...........wait for it.....................ok Doc lets here the bad Marine jokes.....

[DaSpence]

In all honesty I never really cared about what branch someone was in...To me it came down to the job....I remember talkin to this big marine guy and I asked him what his job was and he told me he was a cook. I dont get it, why would you want to be a cook?


Thats why I picked the Infantry. I wanted a badass job where I would actually make a difference in the war. I rather be playing in the game rather than sitting on the sidelines.

Some of the jobs I dont even know how people know about them like water treatment specialist...who walks into the recruiter and says I want to test water.


If you want to talk uniforms...

I seriously think that the marines dress uniform is gay as fuck...It seems like the belt is around your chest and the huge ass white hats that look like satellites.

The one cool thing about the Marines is the silent drill team I will give you that

[naked-daytrader]

Originally Posted by DaSpence

In all honesty I never really cared about what branch someone was in...To me it came down to the job....I remember talkin to this big marine guy and I asked him what his job was and he told me he was a cook. I dont get it, why would you want to be a cook?


Thats why I picked the Infantry. I wanted a badass job where I would actually make a difference in the war. I rather be playing in the game rather than sitting on the sidelines.

Some of the jobs I dont even know how people know about them like water treatment specialist...who walks into the recruiter and says I want to test water.


If you want to talk uniforms...

I seriously think that the marines dress uniform is gay as fuck...It seems like the belt is around your chest and the huge ass white hats that look like satellites.

The one cool thing about the Marines is the silent drill team I will give you that

That's funny you say that. I always used to say that to my friends when I was active...." Who the fuck joins the Corps (or Army/navy etc) to be a fucking cook????? Doesn't make sense to me. Then again, there are some dumb muthfuckas in the service with asfab scores u can tally on one hand. I guess they really didn't have a choice. If my recruiter ever said to me " Hey Mark, I got this great MOS for you....how would you.....like to..........COOK???????" I would of run as fast as I could outta his office and never looked back. The thing about the Marines though is one of our creeds: Every Marine is a basic rifleman first and foremost. Doesn't matter if you're in Motor-t/supply or in the mess hall, you still train every month (at least when I was in) to shoot your rifle and kill people as quickly and as effectively as humanly possible.

Now about our so-called-"Gay Hats"??? First; Marines don't wear "HATS" we wear "COVERS"...we don't wear them or salute indoors either. You call the dress blue uniform gay but you throw a pair of dress blues on, walk any women and her legs automatically open wide...........you smell what I'm stepping in????????

and yes, the silent drill team kicks ass!!! I've seen em about 15 times and not once have I not gotten chills running down the back of my neck. If anyone watches them and doesn't feel pride for their country then I think they're communist.

I hear the Air Force actually has a pretty damn good drill team as well................no really....I'm being serious ( I know you laughed at first).

OK, I'm outta here. Be safe....

[Doc]

Originally Posted by naked-daytrader

Ok, nows about the time Doc shows up and spreads his awesomeness on us.....wait for it...........wait for it.....................ok Doc lets here the bad Marine jokes.....

Don't let this come across the wrong way... cause seriously I could give a fuck...

But

Am I REALLY coming across as someone who "spreads his Awesomeness"?

And come on... Those jokes aren't half bad. Just wait another week for them to sink in and you'll get them.

[Doc]

FOR THE RECORD
I was going into the Marines to be an Embassy Guard, well that was the plan. I qualifed for "any job in any service". The Marine recruiters were just damn pushy, not entirely truthful, a little slow and a little stuck on themselves. That stopped me from joining the Marines.
I got calls from the Navy, was gonna work on a carrier launching Aircraft (Had a little Top Gun Syndrome, bu couldn't fly because I wore glasses), the Navy recruiter Offended my Grandfather when he askred me an off color question. That stopped me from joing the Navy.
I called the Air Force and asked why they hadn't called me? They said they didn't need to because they had alot of people call them. Nice ploy but thanks anyway. Didn't join the Air Force.

Had spoke to an Army recruiter first who told me I would be back, I went back, He was honest, straight forward and helped me with some school "issues".

I joined the Army to get an education, became a Medic for what it would give ME. Got assigned to the Infantry and learned some good "Infantry Values" that have followed me my whole carreer. I still consider myself an Infantry Medic, I even passed the EIB, although I am not authorized it.

Alot of the Marines I have had contact with have been like those recruiters, Pushy, not entirely truthful, slow and stuck on themselves.

I say ALOT. Not ALL. I have some very good friends that are Marines, They are in the Army now but they are still Marines and I respect that.


Whew... long winded again.

[DaSpence]

I meant covers its the same in the Army...brain fart jeez

[Doc]

Originally Posted by DaSpence

I meant covers its the same in the Army...brain fart jeez

Ummm yeah... and we only wear our Cover indoors to show when we are Armed. As in an MP.


I have a question... How do you properly clear a weapon? I had to explain that to ALOT of Marines when I was overseas.

I give the Marines one thing. They sure as hell respect rank ALOT better than most of the Army does.

[DaSpence]

[quote=Doc;409882]I have a question... How do you properly clear a weapon? I had to explain that to ALOT of Marines when I was overseas.QUOTE]


Hes gonna google it

[BMFR6]

Originally Posted by Doc

I give the Marines one thing. They sure as hell respect rank ALOT better than most of the Army does.

thats because we EARN rank in the Marines.

can someone get this back to telling jokes please.

[Doc]

I think we all EARN it. Some Earn it a little more than others.

[naked-daytrader]

Originally Posted by Doc

Don't let this come across the wrong way... cause seriously I could give a fuck...

But

Am I REALLY coming across as someone who "spreads his Awesomeness"?

And come on... Those jokes aren't half bad. Just wait another week for them to sink in and you'll get them.

Doc Spreading his awesomeness.....**Warning** Internet sarcasm**.

No Doc, you don't come off that way, just busting your balls..

[naked-daytrader]

Originally Posted by Doc

I think we all EARN it. Some Earn it a little more than others.

Having been around alot of Army dogs, the one thing I took away, after hearing them talk about the Army is this: It seems the Army gives out medals and rank more often and easier than the Marines. Marines are very proud of their rank and the ribbons on their dress uniforms...why? Because it's very very hard to pick up either of them in the Marine corps. Most Marines in for years don't even pick up e-4 (corpral....Non-commissioned officer). It's a very hard thing to do.
I remember when my friends and I got back from Saudi/Kuwait, we weren't but 19 year old boots having been in for only 9 or 10 months. Standing in formation getting inspected with our dress uniforms by Master Sargents (who've been in for 20 years or so) and capt's/ majors etc. There we were standing there with 7 or 8 medals/ribbons on our chest ( I'm most proud of my combat action ribbon by the way) and these Marines who were in for years and years didn't even have half the medals we had. It's not easy getting awarded anything in the Corps and when they do award you with something, they make it seem like you saved the world. This has just been my experience. I can't really say anything about the other services because I honestly don't know, just what I've been told.


Ok Fella's. Post your awards:

Combat action medal
Kuwait Liberation medal
National defense medal
Good conduct medal
Sea service deployment medal
South West Asia Medal (with 2 stars each star is 6 month tour..in Saudi for almost a year)
Unit commendation medal (our unit was the first to fire and engage the enemy in the first gulf war. Fox battery 1st Battalion 12th Marines, In early January, 2 months before the actual war started)