[RyanNicholson]

Originally Posted by SSearchVT

Actually it's a MILFA... Mother I'd Like to F**k Again...

I was sort of in a similar situation (a little older, two boys, etc). The kid already has a father, so you're not going to fill that position. You can however be a positive model for him.

You're not the diciplinarian - that's the parents role. You are allowed to get mad if - for example he breaks something of yours. Let his mother know what he did. Let her be the one to hand out the punishments, etc. Be prepared to have dates cut short/cancelled at the drop of a hat. Things happen with kids.

Is she on good terms with her ex? If not, and he doesn't want her dating, he can make it real tough, real fast.

well put, thanks for a legit response haha

unfortunately she isn't on great terms w/ her ex, she manages the situation pretty well with all things considered but apparently he thinks they should get back together and she has no interest in that idea (obviously).

[RyanNicholson]

Originally Posted by dankatz

Agree with MissTwisties...be careful not to be around the kid too much in the beginning so that he/she does not get attached just to find out that you broke up a year later. It may not seem like a long time for you, but in a 3 year old's universe it is everything. Otherwise, I would not look at it as extra "baggage". At the end you won't care, assuming as you mature you'll eventually want your own kids.
Dani

see thats the part that kinda makes me uneasy...like i meantioned in a previous post about an ex's younger brother, that was rough...I wouldn't want a 3 year old to go through that.

but what you said makes perfect sense

[stevecbr900rr]

Originally Posted by bigred875

sounds like a lotta baggage.....

+1 +1 +1= +1. Major respondsabilitys...

[TheIglu]

Been there, done that. No thanks.

[mikeb]

i married my milf. father was never in the picture (good). he's a great kid. we just had our baby last june. working out pretty good so far. one boy one girl one hot milf (mif) eight years younger than me

[KillBill]

If i had the chance to do it all over again,
I would NOT do it. It really messed up the kids
perception of who his real dad was. I didn't like that feeling.

[SSearchVT]

You're not in Junior High anymore. There's a chance that women you meet will have children (a greater chance for me - I'm almost twice your age).

Children are responsibility - right now, they're not yours, but you need to keep it in the back of your mind that the phone may ring at any moment, and your plans will change. This isn't a bad thing.

Free advice - date the girl, and see how it goes. Before you start spending a lot of time with her and her son - Sit down with her and have 'The Talk'. The one where you figure out if it's serious and going to continue, or if you should bow out.

[MissTwisties]

It's nice to see how some people can easily say "too much baggage". So are you saying that because a woman (or a man, for that matter) is not allowed to have a second chance at love and having a life, relationship, marriage, etc. with someone else...because they have a child from a past relationship? I understand some of you might have been burned with a situation like this, heck I have been with one or two guys who had a kid (one of them had 2) and it didn't work out. I couldn't stand their kids, the ex, or whatever other reason. BUt to just say as a general statement that a woman (or guy) with a child is only problems waiting to happen is not true. It all depends on how you fit in the picture..if it works for you and the other partie and you make each other happy, then why not?? You could love someone else's child close, if not as much as if they were your own.

[MissTwisties]

Originally Posted by SSearchVT

You're not in Junior High anymore. There's a chance that women you meet will have children (a greater chance for me - I'm almost twice your age).

Children are responsibility - right now, they're not yours, but you need to keep it in the back of your mind that the phone may ring at any moment, and your plans will change. This isn't a bad thing.

Free advice - date the girl, and see how it goes. Before you start spending a lot of time with her and her son - Sit down with her and have 'The Talk'. The one where you figure out if it's serious and going to continue, or if you should bow out.

GREAT post and advice right there.

[1/2pint]

Originally Posted by MissTwisties

It's nice to see how some people can easily say "too much baggage". So are you saying that because a woman (or a man, for that matter) is not allowed to have a second chance at love and having a life, relationship, marriage, etc. with someone else...because they have a child from a past relationship? I understand some of you might have been burned with a situation like this, heck I have been with one or two guys who had a kid (one of them had 2) and it didn't work out. I couldn't stand their kids, the ex, or whatever other reason. BUt to just say as a general statement that a woman (or guy) with a child is only problems waiting to happen is not true. It all depends on how you fit in the picture..if it works for you and the other partie and you make each other happy, then why not?? You could love someone else's child close, if not as much as if they were your own.

bravo good words good words

[RyanNicholson]

i think i opened up a whole new can of worms here...

thanks for all the well thought out posts. i have no intention of ditching her just because she has a kid....

the last couple years I've had this habit of dating a girl for 2 weeks then i "get really busy with work and miraculously my phone, internet, and car all die at once." I'm thinking about resolving that issue for once.... just thought it'd be interesting to see what you guys thought, especially the people that have kids or have been through something similar.

[Manny]

This should be in controversial topics

[newgixxerchic]

my situation was a little different but here's my .02 hope it helps

I dated a guy that was 25 when I was 20. he had 3 kids from a previous marriage. he was great, I got along with his kids great (they shared custody his ex-wife had them more often so I wasn't a big part in the girls' lives) but my major problem turned out to be that he couldn't do anything without 2 years notice. he couldn't go away for the weekend in case he had to take care of the girls etc. after awhile it ended up being hard to give up everything for children that weren't mine and that never could be mine... like I said, a little different but before you get involved, realize whether or not even if you're not going to be the child's biological father, you're still going to be a person who has to act like they already have a child... all the drawbacks of having a kid with not a lot of the perks. hope this helps.

[bigred875]

Originally Posted by RyanNicholson

i think i opened up a whole new can of worms here...

thanks for all the well thought out posts. i have no intention of ditching her just because she has a kid....

the last couple years I've had this habit of dating a girl for 2 weeks then i "get really busy with work and miraculously my phone, internet, and car all die at once." I'm thinking about resolving that issue for once.... just thought it'd be interesting to see what you guys thought, especially the people that have kids or have been through something similar.

i think you need to sit down and really think about what you want out of your relationship with her and her son. Anything other then the "fairy tale" isnt fair for her son, regardless of what she says.

the baggage comment is more then just because she has a kid...

From what you have said in your posts this girl doesnt have a habit of making the best choices in life.....kid at a young age, ex is a pyscho..... those are 2 warning flags that should pop up...not "deal breakers" but not issues that should be ignored..

now we all make bad choices in life...but the smart ones learn from them and do not repeat them....she could be a smart one...but it's likey she is a repeat offender..so be careful...did you sleep with her on the first date? did you meet her kid fairly soon? Is she "all in" in the relationship...a little too soon(but it's cool cuz you like her)...

proceed with caution my friend...she could turn out to be "the one"...but she could also be a shitload of trouble...

my money's on the latter but i'm a cynic

[BostonSVkid]

Well if it does get serious say good by to motorcycles !! I dont care how cool she is with the bike she will not like it if you become the babies daddy!

[bergs]

What the fuck is wrong with some of you???







































Pics of MILF or you = liar!

On a serious note, don't let your penis do all the talking because you'll end up spending your life taking care of someone else's kid....if you're into it, then great! If not then avoid at all costs setting yourself up to "settle" if it's not your gig.

[MissTwisties]

Originally Posted by BostonSVkid

Well if it does get serious say good by to motorcycles !! I dont care how cool she is with the bike she will not like it if you become the babies daddy!

I'm sorry..but that's a little ignorant...LOL I have two children, and I'm obviously into bikes, so is my husband. Oh and I was that "Milf" once...now I'm married to "that guy" who took a chance on me. We have another child, have a very nice place, and have a normal life...with problems like everyone else. Imagines...he could be single, partying and have all the money for himself that he works his ass off for...what an idiot he was!!

[wookie]

Originally Posted by RyanNicholson

the last couple years I've had this habit of dating a girl for 2 weeks then i "get really busy with work and miraculously my phone, internet, and car all die at once." I'm thinking about resolving that issue for once.... just thought it'd be interesting to see what you guys thought, especially the people that have kids or have been through something similar.

I don't know if you can decide to resolve that issue...seems like it resolves itself or it doesn't. Either you are at the right point for a long term relationship or you are not, I'm not sure you can decide to be???

BTW -what if she reads NESR?

[RyanNicholson]

yea see this is why i normally dont think too far ahead, shit gets confusing haha. but this has been kind of a "what if" in the back of my head since I started seeing her.

right now things aren't super serious, just good times...some of the comments are interesting cuz even though I've met her son I rarely see him. I also didn't sleep w/ her on the first date haha. Though you're completely right red, and even though I dont really know her well enough yet to definitively say one way or the other if shes truely a smart one or not....I was impressed by how she handled having the kid. She was 17, still graduated HS...lives on her own in a pretty nice place, drives a nice car, and pays for 99% of all her bills on her own (with a little help from the state for childcare, and I think barely any from the father). So who knows haha....interesting topic apparently.

[RyanNicholson]

Originally Posted by wookie

I don't know if you can decide to resolve that issue...seems like it resolves itself or it doesn't. Either you are at the right point for a long term relationship or you are not, I'm not sure you can decide to be???

BTW -what if she reads NESR?

haha well basically what I was saying is I'm getting to the point where I could be....my life has kinda settled down a lot in the last year or so.

If she reads NESR it might make this whole conversation irrelevant....though i'm sure this is an issue she knows would come up eventually.

[bergs]

Originally Posted by RyanNicholson

....interesting topic apparently.

I'm just here for the pics...

[MissTwisties]

Originally Posted by bergs

I'm just here for the pics...

There is NO pics. C'mon Ryan...post them up.

[RyanNicholson]

I dont even have any...i'll see what i can do though haha


EDIT: nm....it isn't a good pic by any means but this would be her

[bergs]

EDIT: Excellent!

[ChrisNoF4i]

The bottom line is: you are 22. No matter how much you think you know, you don't know shit. You are quite mature for even realizing that this "kid" could become an issue in the not-so-distant future. But again, you don't know shit. And while this issue has sparked some interesting discussion, I highly doubt you will let a bunch of keyboard psychologists decide the fate of your future (especially when said future includes banging a hot chick.) I vote that you should just continue living your life and see what happens. Then try to learn from your mistakes. There are millions of hot chicks in this world. Some of them have kids, and some of them are virgins, but all of them are fucking crazy and they will all drive you nuts in the end.