[l3uddha]

nothing personal against her. i've never even met her so whatever. just a few concerns/questions:

-you'll have to deal with her ex in the background

-what she do for work? there a future in it?

-she a single mom on her own, or living with her parents?


if she's mature and supporting her kid on her own, that's cool. very respectable. otherwise she could just be a really cool girl, with a shitload of problems and baggage, that you'll be the one to pick up... that's just what i think from standing back and looking at the situation; details aside. yea ultimately follow your feelings, just be very cautious here.

the woman that lived across the street from my parents was a single mom with 3 kids. she had a great nursing job (busted her ass), a beautiful house, and was providing her kids with a geat childhood all on her own. she ended up meeting and marrying my parent's lawyer, who had no kids.

if she's the type that lives with her parents and sticks them with the kid so she can go drinking and partying at night, run (don't walk) in the other direction.

[nilez]

I don't mean to sound like a jackass... but what about looking at the situation through YOUR eyes Ryan? Why should YOU be the one to decide what's good and what's bad for HER kid at this point? Everybody keeps saying, don't let the kid get too attached and then break up the relationship, it'll crush him. Shouldn't she be thinking that? If you like this chick, do what you gotta do! If she thinks it could be bad for her kid if you were to leave, then that's her decision; it doesn't effect you buddy. You have to get into a relationship first for yourself... who says, "I'm doing the right thing by dating this fat ugly chick because it makes her happy." (that statement doesn't apply if you're a c h u b b y chaser ) Nobody says that! C'mon, it's all about yourself having fun and being happy in the beginning of a relationship right? When you get older, it's all about making the wifey happy... because if she's happy, then you're happy. (am I not right? c'mon old timers, back me up on this one)

summary: If you like her and want the relationship to go further or just to see where the relationship goes, then go for it by all means, stick with it. If it starts getting serious and SHE becomes afraid, in the event that you two did break up, that it would be too hard for her child, then it's on HER shoulders to act. She's the mom, her kid is her responsibility, worry, joy... her life.


just something to think about.


disclaimer: i'm just playing devil's advocate for the purpose of debate... it's something to think about tho

[nefarious]

how long has she been a single mom? how many guys have come in and out of this kids life? I mean at 3 its not going to be as bad as say 5 or 6. I find a lot of young mom's at some point (2/3 that I have dated) take an ugly swing and worry about recapturing thier stolen moments vs the childs best interest. I left a girl and her twins after witnessing just how horrible a mom she was and let her know that.

[RyanNicholson]

Originally Posted by l3uddha

nothing personal against her. i've never even met her so whatever. just a few concerns/questions:

-you'll have to deal with her ex in the background

-what she do for work? there a future in it?

-she a single mom on her own, or living with her parents?


if she's mature and supporting her kid on her own, that's cool. very respectable. otherwise she could just be a really cool girl, with a shitload of problems and baggage, that you'll be the one to pick up... that's just what i think from standing back and looking at the situation; details aside. yea ultimately follow your feelings, just be very cautious here.

the woman that lived across the street from my parents was a single mom with 3 kids. she had a great nursing job (busted her ass), a beautiful house, and was providing her kids with a geat childhood all on her own. she ended up meeting and marrying my parent's lawyer, who had no kids.

if she's the type that lives with her parents and sticks them with the kid so she can go drinking and partying at night, run (don't walk) in the other direction.

see thats kinda what impresses me about her. shes super responsible, has her own apartment, runs HR for a kohl's office and wants to classes in accounting, drives a nice car and pays for it, and takes really good care of her kid all on her own....a little help from the state for daycare, but no child support from the father. I mean shit, I barely even have my life as together as she does....and shes got twice the bills and doesn't make as much as I do haha (as far as I know).

Nilez - I see what you're sayin, but even though the kid is obviously her responsibility and stuff I just thought it'd be interesting to hear from ppl that might have been in a similar situation. The way I kinda see it is if I want to care about her, its a package deal to care about her son as well...thus I dont want to cause any issues simply because he isn't directly my responsibility. ....if that makes sense.

[bergs]

What ever you decide to pursue with this girl make sure that the kid knows you're name is "Uncle" Ryan and not something else...

[jwm2k3]

Originally Posted by bergs

What ever you decide to pursue with this girl make sure that the kid knows you're name is "Uncle" Ryan and not something else...

Nice. I like that one....

[The Crashing Tomato]

Ryan ask yourself these questions ( V's Chris'(poty) and Nef's comments aside)

1. what does / is my ideal dating / married life like?

2. kid or no kid, does she fit with Q 1?

3. Can I have fun with this girl even when the shit hits the fan? when the kids shit hits the fan? when / if the ex / daddy comes around?

4. will I have my families support with this relationship? or am i strong enough to live my own life without my family and thier criticism?

5. am I the type of guy that can play the field (date other ppl) while the shit is hitting the fan or will I stick it out *because she needs me* ?

6. Or is it that, "I'm just a sucker with low self esteem"?

7. what am I going to want in 2 years, 5 years, 10 years? same ? for her?

8. Other than fun, a good time, and sex, what does she need from me that she doesn't already have?

9. do I want kids of my own?

10. can she have any more kids?

these are questions i have had to ask myself from personal experience

as 5 of the last 10 women I dated before I got married (including my now wife) were / are single moms. I am now Step- dad to 3 kids (a 22 yo a 19 yo and a 17 yo) and let me tell you it could be a lot easier. Just so you know my wife and I scored an 80 on this questionnairre.

[MissTwisties]

Originally Posted by RyanNicholson

see thats kinda what impresses me about her. shes super responsible, has her own apartment, runs HR for a kohl's office and takes classes in accounting, drives a nice car and pays for it, and takes really good care of her kid all on her own....a little help from the state for daycare, but no child support from the father. I mean shit, I barely even have my life as together as she does....and shes got twice the bills and doesn't make as much as I do haha.

The way I kinda see it is if I want to care about her, its a package deal to care about her son as well...thus I dont want to cause any issues simply because he isn't directly my responsibility. ....if that makes sense.

Seems to me she's got all her shit together...MUCH better than a lot of other young (and older) single parents like her. And I completly agree with your last statement...IT IS a package deal, if you intend to go into a relationship with this girl. You can't date the girl, and ignore her child. It is part of who she is! If you were with her just for a fun night here and there, that would be another story, but seems to me you want more than that.

Originally Posted by bergs

What ever you decide to pursue with this girl make sure that the kid knows you're name is "Uncle" Ryan and not something else...

How about just "Ryan"...my daughter never called my ex's "uncle".

[naked-daytrader]

Originally Posted by MissTwisties

It's nice to see how some people can easily say "too much baggage". So are you saying that because a woman (or a man, for that matter) is not allowed to have a second chance at love and having a life, relationship, marriage, etc. with someone else...because they have a child from a past relationship? I understand some of you might have been burned with a situation like this, heck I have been with one or two guys who had a kid (one of them had 2) and it didn't work out. I couldn't stand their kids, the ex, or whatever other reason. BUt to just say as a general statement that a woman (or guy) with a child is only problems waiting to happen is not true. It all depends on how you fit in the picture..if it works for you and the other partie and you make each other happy, then why not?? You could love someone else's child close, if not as much as if they were your own.

ummmmmm....doctor phil called.....he wants his show back.

[Doc]

Originally Posted by Doc

Ryan.... You can do better my friend.

Might be an Owie but it is the truth. I don't pull punches. Straight talk from the DOC!

[RyanNicholson]

So....interesting updates.


Everything was perfect until a week or so ago. Her son got sick, her ex got psycho, took her to court....basically is fighting for full custody (which he wont get). Shes trying super hard to keep the peace between the two of them so hes lucky to get the custody that he has. I wont go into to much detail for the sake of her privacy though. Anyways, shes stressed out like crazy over it. Because of this we've dropped any "title" between us and have spent less time together because part of the issue with her ex was me being around their son (and his infinite jealousy). I really want this to work out but I have no idea whats gunna happen.

So in the mean time I met MILF 2.0 who socially is a bit of an upgrade but personality-wise is a little more reserved (just kinda shy and more mellow). Milf 2.0 has less baggage but I still like Milf 1.0 more I think. I've only hung out with Milf 2.0 a couple times just to get to know her and whatnot while Milf 1.0 and I are on our little break. Milf 2.0 knows about Milf 1.0 but not vise-versa. I like them both, I hope things with Milf 1.0 work out though.

Think of it like when Microsoft released Vista....theoretically its an upgrade but everyone still wants to run XP.

Here is a pic of Milf 2.0 for reference...




i'm probably going to hell for explaining all this on a public forum, but w/e. Neither of them know about this place or use any of my computers.

[nilez]

Originally Posted by RyanNicholson

i'm probably going to hell for explaining all this on a public forum, but w/e. Neither of them know about this place or use any of my computers.

Hey, at least it'll be warm and you'll know people there right?


but, good luck with however it turns out...

[RyanNicholson]

Originally Posted by nilez

Hey, at least it'll be warm and you'll know people there right?

thats a good way to look at it

[l3uddha]

hell of an upgrade, but you still shoplifted the pooty.

[nefarious]

How old is this on and her child?

[Pittenger5]

Yes Ryan, is there like a milf store you go to hang out at? Cause umm, wanna let me know where it is?

[RyanNicholson]

Originally Posted by nefarious

How old is this on and her child?

this one just turned 23 on Saturday and has a 2 year old daughter

[RyanNicholson]

Originally Posted by Pittenger5

Yes Ryan, is there like a milf store you go to hang out at? Cause umm, wanna let me know where it is?

I dunno man, its weird lately. 2008 is the year of the milf or something. her best friend is a bit of one as well.

[DBConz]

MILF 2.0 looks cute, but like Vista, it's gonna need a Service Pack added for better performance

[RyanNicholson]

also just to add.... I haven't hooked up with this new girl in any way...kissed her good night but thats pretty much it. I was just a bit impressed with this girl also and wasn't sure what to do.

[RyanNicholson]

Originally Posted by DBConz

MILF 2.0 looks cute, but like Vista, it's gonna need a Service Pack added for better performance

indeed.

[DBConz]

great bump

[BostonSVkid]

Good luck man. I am 26 and not even NEAR ready to be around a kid. My nephew for a few hours is one thing but my own or having to be a dad to someone elses ICK!!

[RyanNicholson]

Originally Posted by BostonSVkid

Good luck man. I am 26 and not even NEAR ready to be around a kid. My nephew for a few hours is one thing but my own or having to be a dad to someone elses ICK!!

well it really isn't like that....even when I was around her son I was never a "dad" figure. She made sure that didn't happen. If we're just relaxin at her place or whatever and she needs to take care of him, she does and thats pretty much how it is. Both the girls are the same way....they know any guy they date isn't gunna want to take on a daddy role right off the bat and they dont want their kid to become super attached to anybody that they are dating unless it turns into something serious.

[Doc]

Originally Posted by RyanNicholson

well it really isn't like that....even when I was around her son I was never a "dad" figure. She made sure that didn't happen. If we're just relaxin at her place or whatever and she needs to take care of him, she does and thats pretty much how it is. Both the girls are the same way....they know any guy they date isn't gunna want to take on a daddy role right off the bat and they dont want their kid to become super attached to anybody that they are dating unless it turns into something serious.

Not right away but you WILL fall into that roll in the future...