[Doc]

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.... this particular Sunday
sermon..."Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven
and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust..."
He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was
listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little
four year old girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"

[KillBill]

Originally Posted by ceo012384

What do you call four mexicans in quicksand?








Quattro cinco.

[R1slowflyer]

A Southern Man comes home to his trailer after a long day of work

Before he can set his things down his wife comes storming up to him and starts screaming

Wife - "I want a De Vorce."

Husband - "A De Vorce?"

Wife - "Yeah A De Vorce........... I found out today your are one of them there Pedofiles!"

Husband "Pedofile?!?.............. Now thats an awful big word for a 12 year old!"

[R1slowflyer]

A Man walks into a bar with an octopus and walks up to the bar.
bartender "you cant have an octopus in here get the fuck out"
man "this octopus is special,i bet you free drinks all night that this octopus can play any instrument better than anything you have ever heard"
The bartender laughs "ok have him play the drums."
The man sets the octopus down behind the drum set and the octopus starts to play, the bartender is amazed, he is playing the drums better than anyone he has ever heard
bartender "ok you win, free drinks all night"
The second night the man walks in and says "what you got tonight?"
bartender "the piano"
The octopus starts to play everything from mozart to billy joel
bartender "you win asshole drink for free."

The third night the man walks in and the bartender has a shitty grin on his face,
The man says "what you got this time?"
before he can realize whats going on the bartender throws a set of bagpipes in front of the octopus.
The octopus starts to roll around and bite the bagpispes making all kinds of noises.
bartender "ha i win now get the fuck out!"

The man says,
"Nope, as soon as he figures out he cant fuck it, he'll play the shit out those bagpipes."

[R1slowflyer]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert.

After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound
asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says,
"Kemo Sabe, look towards sky; what you see?"

The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says,
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions
of galaxies Time wise, it appears to be approximately a
quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, the Lord
is all powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day
tomorrow. What does it tell you, Tonto?"

"You dumber than buffalo shit. Someone stole tent."

[Stoneman]

Tarzan's swinging through the jungle one day when he happens upon a woman...

Tarzan asks, '...what name?'

Woman replies, '...Jane...'

Tarzan then asks, '...what whole name?'

Woman looks down, then replies, '...cunt...'

[l3uddha]

Originally Posted by Stoneman

Woman looks down, then replies, '...cunt...'

WHAT!?

[Stoneman]

Originally Posted by l3uddha

WHAT!?

They're supposed to be bad jokes, right?

Whole name / hole name...

[l3uddha]

Originally Posted by Stoneman

Whole name / hole name...

oh man, i didn't even pick up on that. what a shitty joke!

[R1slowflyer]

What do you call a gay dinosaur?

Tyrannosaurass

What do you call a gay dinosaur's dog

Tyrannosaurass Rex

what do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

Licalotopus

[R1slowflyer]

three old ladies sitting on a park bench and a flasher jumps in front of them
two of em have stroke but ones arms just weren't long enough

[R1slowflyer]

What's Brown and Sticky?










A stick.






Jk it's a terd.

[R1slowflyer]

what do you call a brunette between 2 blondes?




translator

[R1slowflyer]

I was waiting at some traffic lights today, when they changed to green I drove off, but the idiot in front of me didn't, so I rear ended him. He jumped out of his car and I noticed he was a dwarf,

trying not to laugh I said "Sorry mate..."

He said "I'm not happy.."

I said "OK I give up, which one are you?":
__________________

[KillBill]

The Forgotten Anniversary

Ron was in big trouble with his wife. He forgot his wedding anniversary. Naturally his wife was livid. She told him, "Tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds!! AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"

The next morning Ron got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Ron has been missing since Friday.

[R1slowflyer]

[MissTwisties]

[R1slowflyer]

didn't like that one Ms. Twist?

[Fatman]

Man walks into a bar and sits down at the table. The bartender approches and the guy says, “I just got paid today, so I’d like a pint of your finest import beer.”
The bartender nods and pours him a pint. He drinks it quickly and puts the mug back on the bar. “That was great, how much?”
The bartender looks at him and says, “5 cents.”
The guy gives him a confused look. “A nickel?” he asks.
“Yup.”
The guy shrugs and takes out a nickel and gives it to the bartender. The bartender took it and put it in the cash register. Seeing as how he didn’t spend any money, he ordered the filet mignon, grilled asparagus, and another import beer. He finished his dinner in record time and sat back feeling good about himself. He flagged the bartender down and he went to him. “That was the best dinner I’ve had in a while,” the guy said, “how much?”
The bartender looked at him with a serious face and replied, “10 cents.”
The guy gave him another confused look, shrugged his shoulders, took out a dime and gave it to the bartender. The bartender took the dime and placed it into the cash register. The guy got up to leave and said, “Where’s the owner of the bar? I want to thank him for his hospitality.”
“Oh he’s upstairs with my wife.”
“What’s he doing there?”
“The same thing I’m doing to his business.”

[naked-daytrader]

A guy walks into a pharmacy and tells the pharmacist he needs birth control pills for his 15 year old daughter. The pharmacist says "oh your daughter is sexually active huh"? The guy says "no she just lies there like a bump on a log"....






On another note:



Denno, your bike is one of the nicest R-6's I've ever seen...

[R1slowflyer]

hey hey hey this is not the compliment friday thread!

but i hear if you drop a 1098 they are worth more

[Crash Dummy Denno]

Originally Posted by R1slowflyer

hey hey hey this is not the compliment friday thread!

but i hear if you drop a 1098 they are worth more

that was not complimentary

mark, your recent haircut makes you look even tougher

[R1slowflyer]

Originally Posted by Denno

that was not complimentary

mark, your recent haircut makes you look even tougher

no?

[Jaynnus]

Originally Posted by KillBill

The Forgotten Anniversary

Ron was in big trouble with his wife. He forgot his wedding anniversary. Naturally his wife was livid. She told him, "Tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds!! AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"

The next morning Ron got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Ron has been missing since Friday.

[MissTwisties]

Originally Posted by KillBill

The Forgotten Anniversary

Ron was in big trouble with his wife. He forgot his wedding anniversary. Naturally his wife was livid. She told him, "Tomorrow morning I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less then 6 seconds!! AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"

The next morning Ron got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Ron has been missing since Friday.

Hahahaaha!!!!!

Originally Posted by R1slowflyer

didn't like that one Ms. Twist?

Sorry!! I haden't even bother to keep reading after the first few you posted...but the last one was definitly AWSOME!