My father is battling cancer

[hqp921]

It has been exactly one week since I found out with what we were dealing with, and that is stage four cancer.

A few days ago, after notifying family and close friends, I started to go "more public" - though I am not as frequent on NESR as I used to be and on other boards, I realize that even in a virtual domain, there is a community. One that shares it's joys and sorrows. One that also shares its experiences and offers it's support.

I have been keeping an update page on my website: www.hung-pham.com/updates.htm [I realize some work filters will block my website - hey, it's not my fault I'm Hung... ] Maybe if I have time, I can cut and paste the really good stuff.

Basically, the last week, since finding out he's ill, has been a long one. Feels like it's been weeks. As a son, I was prepared for this eventuality. I just never thought it would be this soon.... so I guess I'm not really prepared at all.

Today, he is coming home and we are going to care for him under hospice.

Things change so very quickly. A year ago, he had a stroke. He managed to get well enough to be active and almost have a normal life. Even just last month he was up and about. In just the last couple weeks everything has changed.

We are getting close to Father's Day. Don't take your family, time, or anything for granted.

The road ahead is tough, and in some regards, I hope it will be longer than expected.

HP

[richw]

Our prayers and best wishes

Tell Him

He was a great Dad

Thank him

For preparing you to have a good life

Let him know'

Your children will hear great stories and Know him as well

[hqp921]

Originally Posted by richw

Our prayers and best wishes

Tell Him

He was a great Dad

Thank him

For preparing you to have a good life

Let him know'

Your children will hear great stories and Know him as well

Have been to the best of my ability.

I look at your info... my dad is 62.

The toughest day for me has been to relay the message that going home doesn't mean he's cured. That was last week.

Sitting at home now waiting for the hospice equipment to be delivered.

HP

[virtualbong]

Time may be short now, but I am glad you are using it all up. My prayers are with you and your family. Your father sounds like a great man.

[BMFR6]

that sucks hung, i'm so sorry to hear that. i think rich said it best above. let him know.

[DucDave]

I went though this with both my parents a few years ago. My mother died in a hospital and I wasn't there.

When my father came down with lung cancer, albiet at 84, we had enough time to tie up all his loose ends and then I brought him to my home in NH from his home in NJ. After visiting an oncologist in Nashua, hopice helped us more than I can ever repay.

My father was 84 and had a good and full life. He was unafraid and ready to pass. (BTW- he was an athiest and died an athiest...for whatever that's worth). All he asked was to go with as much dignity and as little pain as possible. My wife and two children were able to spend the last 10 days of his life with him. I was with him when he died. He had been mostly unconcious for about a day or so. I slept on the sofa next to his hospital bed every night. On the night he died I heard his breathing become a little labored. Then, the 'death rattle' you hear about. I put my arms around him. He opened his eyes, fixed on something in the distance, took a last breath. And was gone.

The last thing he said to me, a couple of days before he died was, "It's not sad. It's just the end."

My father was such a power of example to me. He was a wonderful, good, and loving man. And, of all the lessons he taught me, his last lesson, there is no need to fear death, was the most powerful.

I hope you and your father can find a path that can bring you as much joy and comfort as ours.

Best of luck....

Dave

[breakdirt916]

I'm very sorry to hear that; my thoughts and prayers go out to your close friends and family

what type of cancer does he have?

[hqp921]

Originally Posted by DucDave

The last thing he said to me, a couple of days before he died was, "It's not sad. It's just the end."

My father was such a power of example to me. He was a wonderful, good, and loving man. And, of all the lessons he taught me, his last lesson, there is no need to fear death, was the most powerful.

This.

Last week when I had to tell my dad. I asked, "Are you afraid?"

"No, I'm not." He went on to tell me that everything lives and dies. Some things live a long time, others not as long. It is what you do while you are here that matters most.

I told him, he was much stronger than I was, for I was afraid.

Originally Posted by Bhavesh

I'm very sorry to hear that; my thoughts and prayers go out to your close friends and family

what type of cancer does he have?

They were not able to pinpoint where the cancer originated, as it spread so quickly. The last diagnosis was that it was possibly a form of lymphoma.

Towards the end of last week, they were only able to tell us from the biopsy what they thought it was. What they DID know was that over all, his body can not fight the multiple illnesses inflicting his body - due to the cancer.

They said that further testing could/would only attempt to tell us where it originated from, but the overall prognosis is bad. His body is unable to fight off the diseases and they cannot treat (or reverse) the illnesses. Only the possibility of extending his days... but at what cost (to the body, mind, and spirit).

I had to tell my father all this, because both he, and my mother can have a hard time understanding English - especially when they start throwing words like "lymphoma", "oncologist", etc. around. Some times it can feel like I bear the weight twice.

HP

[kermita]

May you have the strength and love to help your father and family in this very difficult time.

[richw]

Their are a lot or organ cancers that have no real symptom until it has metastasized and is affecting other areas. That's why Pancreatic, and liver has such poor treatment success.

I am as old but I can't go as my little boys still need me for a while.

Dave don't worry there are a lot of atheists in heaven...
God just makes it look like New Jersey

[Wanderer]

Hang in there - parents and loved ones going through this is a difficult time (Last year my mother, breast cancer (in remission now) and my aunt this year) - being there for them means a huge amount to them.

[brendanp]

This sux, I'm sorry to hear this. Best wishes and prayers sent out bro

[slammp]

You know what, when I saw the thread I did not even want to look at the content, because it is such a scary concept. After reading your comments I have to admit I was very moved. I know that what you are now going through has to be incredibly hard. I cannot even imagine, so I will not pretend to. I think that you have the right philosophy by just trying to enjoy the time that you have. I personally do not believe there is any benefit to extending life, if there is no chance for cure, if the person suffers in the process.

Enjoy the time you have left with him. Make it mean something.

[hqp921]

I'm gonna need a nice long ride at some point when I'm mentally ready.

I replaced a clutch lever (bike fell over ), and haven't ridden since then... probably 2 weeks now...?

Originally Posted by slammp

You know what, when I saw the thread I did not even want to look at the content, because it is such a scary concept. After reading your comments I have to admit I was very moved. I know that what you are now going through has to be incredibly hard. I cannot even imagine, so I will not pretend to. I think that you have the right philosophy by just trying to enjoy the time that you have. I personally do not believe there is any benefit to extending life, if there is no chance for cure, if the person suffers in the process.

Enjoy the time you have left with him. Make it mean something.

It is for your first sentence, that I am open and sharing.

As much as I'd like for no one to need to deal with something like this, I know the reality is that many people do/will.

Like learning to ride a motorcycle, you sometimes rely on the experience and expertise of others.

[OreoGaborio]

Sorry to hear that bro.. You have my heartfelt sympathy. I too recently just got some rough news about the health of my father but I wish to keep the details to myself right now... but I feel your pain, bro

Send your father and family my best wishes and I hope things make a turn for the better.

[Stinger157]

Heartfelt sympathy is right! If you need anything let us know!

[bump909]

Cancer sucks. So sorry to hear that, man. Be strong for your dad and family.

[Paul_E_D]

Hospice is a great organization. You'll be glad you brought them in. This is a tough time you're headed into. My mom died of melanoma 3 years ago. Reach out to people when you need them and be good to yourself.

[ZX11D]

[QUOTE=hqp921;725728]This.

Last week when I had to tell my dad. I asked, "Are you afraid?"

"No, I'm not." He went on to tell me that everything lives and dies. Some things live a long time, others not as long. It is what you do while you are here that matters most.

I told him, he was much stronger than I was, for I was afraid.



They were not able to pinpoint where the cancer originated, as it spread so quickly. The last diagnosis was that it was possibly a form of lymphoma.

Towards the end of last week, they were only able to tell us from the biopsy what they thought it was. What they DID know was that over all, his body can not fight the multiple illnesses inflicting his body - due to the cancer.

They said that further testing could/would only attempt to tell us where it originated from, but the overall prognosis is bad. His body is unable to fight off the diseases and they cannot treat (or reverse) the illnesses. Only the possibility of extending his days... but at what cost (to the body, mind, and spirit).

I had to tell my father all this, because both he, and my mother can have a hard time understanding English - especially when they start throwing words like "lymphoma", "oncologist", etc. around. Some times it can feel like I bear the weight twice.


Thoughts and prayers man. You mentioned hospice. I`m familiar and being a nurse and I can tell you first hand these people are a blessing and will make your Dad and the family as comfortable as possible. Questions are answered for all including the family. you can take comfort in knowing they will make every effort to do the right things for your Dad and his family. Best wishes in the coming time.

[hqp921]

He's home and under hospice care now.

Today was a long day... pretty much worth it though.

HP

[tom5796]

So sorry to hear this, and I know what you're dealing with. My Dad was diagnosed with esophageal cancer in February and just finished his chemo/rad treatments (he's 68). He's lost about 40 pounds and is anemic. I've spent about every weekend down on the cape with him. We find out tomorrow if he is a candidate for surgery - a long shot for this type. My fingers and toes are crossed.

I can only hope that your dad finds peace, and that you know that he knows how much you are there for him. I've never met you but I'm up for a long ride when you're ready.

[hqp921]

I'll cross my fingers and toes for ya as well.

A long ride will be scheduled when the time comes.

[daviid]

Hung,
i just recently went through this with my boss [my best friends father]. He had stage 4 lung cancer that went into remission. Which came and went several times over a 4 year period. I was there for most of it, including at his bedside when he died. It is a frightening thing, but the key thing is not to focus on death that cancer brings, enjoy the moment. Mike always had a positive outlook and i think that helped him alot. Good luck

[bergs]

Sending energy and karma your way!

[GNTurbo6]

My old man has cancer as well. Lung cancer that spread to the brain. A few months ago he had surgery to remove three of the larger growths from his brain. Afterwards some blood created pressure in those areas and caused him to have seizures. He has been recovering well since and is almost completely off anti-seizure meds. He is probably about 20-25 lbs under weight still. My uncle also had cancer, he recently passed away. I believe he had colon cancer that was mostly removed but it ended up spreading to his bones.

Cancer is very difficult to fight but what I've learned through all of this is you can to stay strong and keep a positive attitude. I feel bad enough as it is, I can't imagine how it would feel to be the one fighting the cancer.