Originally Posted by
jwm2k3
Dad, you fucked up fatherhood and we both suffered greatly because of that.
You were an absentee father and said you cared and were interested in being Dad and being part of my life, but your actions never matched your words. When you and Mom split up you used me to try and hurt her. It never worked, you only hurt me. All those times, as a young kid, I would be waiting at the front door with my jacket on, looking out the window, waiting for you to pick me up and time after time you wouldnt show up. When you would take me to my hockey games, afterward all you would do is yell at me telling me I should have skated harder or husteled more. I was 10, I wanted to play to have fun, you wanted to win through me. That was not right and was damaging. All the bad things you said about Mom, knowing it would get back to her, only made me upset. You never helped Mom financially, never paid one cent of child support. It was really hard to get by, but we did it. We did it without you. Mom had to be a mother, father and a friend to me. Luckily my uncles were caring, loving people. Moms family, MY family, always was there. You weren't. Not there physically, emotionally, financially. As I grew up and became a man and got married, you still gave me the same old lines, that you cared and wanted to be part of my life, and Dad, you know I gave you every chance. Forgave and forgot each and every time. But the let downs happened again and again. When I had kids of my own, you met them a few times. They called you Grampa John. They were young and expressed love to you. My constant forgiveness and their love couldnt even get you to be part of our lives. You just couldn't do it. Why? There was never huge conflict. The last straw for me, as you know, was when I invited you to a Patriots game. As you know Im a season ticket holder for many years. You know how much a part of me that is, hell, Ive not missed a single home game in over 10 years. I told you I had everything, the tailgate setup, the steak, the chicken, sides, the grill, the beer, the ez up tent, the tickets and we were gonna take my truck. Dont worry, I said. I got it all, y9u dont need anything. Just show up at my house at 9 and everything is all set. I called you a week before and two days before. Both times you were all in. Gameday comes, the truck is packed, Im excited to goto the game with you Dad. Lets be a real father/son team. We never have been before, and now youre coming into my 'world', my 'Disneyland'. The Patriots, my passion. This is gonna be great, theres gonna be father, son bonding and we can have an excellent time and an excellent memory. 830am, Im ready and talking all about how its gonna be great. My wife and kids can see the joy in me. 9am and youre not here yet. No problem, things happen, maybe traffic. 930, Im standing at my front door looking out the window, my jacket on. My wife is now trying to stay positive, but I can see the disappointment in her face. 10am and now shes mad. Shes mad youre doing it to me again. Shes mad youve done this to me for over 25 years. I called your house phone and left a message. I called your cell and left a message. 1015, now Im worried if youre ok. I leave a few more messages just pleading for you to call me back to let me know you are ok. My wife is now pissed. She can feel how dejected and upset I am. It happened again. For the millionth time. Its 1030 and the game starts at 1. My emotions change to anger. Fuck it, Im going to the game by myself. Tailgate by myself, sit next to an empty seat.
Dad, this has shaped who I am. Thankfully Mom was amazing and made sure I had a good life without a father, made sure I am pretty well adjusted. That day, when I went to the game alone, I had ample time to really, deeply think about all of this. I decided that Ill never speak to you again. I just dont want to hit my head against the same friggin wall over and over. I do not want the same disappointment over and over. You wont change, I cant make you.
My biggest fear in all of this is that the cycle would repeat and I would become you. Guess what Dad? I didnt. The cycle did not repeat. I love my daughters, they love me. We talk, text, snapchat all the time. I spend as much time with them as we can. They are 15 and 18 now, so scheduling time around their friends is tough, but believe me Dad, they dont feel neglected or that Im not there for them.
I am a million times better at being a father than you.
What would you say to your father if there was no tomorrow?
99 + 02 SV650 ex-race - 91 FJ1200 street - 03 KDX220R woods - 12 WR450F motard/ice
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