16> The "Lightning Round" involves actual lightning.

15> "You still have two deathlines available. Do you want to
consult the tarot or phone Hitler?"

14> When your host says, "Come on down!" he ain't kidding!

13> Always the same friggin' parting gift: The director's cut
DVD of "Little Nicky."

12> Spin the wheel? Eat entrails. Daily Double? Eat entrails.

11> The "Name That Tune" orchestra is nothing but a guy playing
a golden fiddle.

10> A true "Daily Double" involves betting your soul *and* having
Richard Simmons as your roommate in hell.

9> Their own having been rendered useless from repeated
poker-stabbings, contestants always eager to buy a bowel.

8> Door #1: Hellfire and damnation.
Door #2: Eternal plagues and pestilence.
Door #3: Room full of telemarketers with your number on
speed dial.

7> Wrong answer? Pitchfork in the ass!

6> "Okay, ladies, here's your question: What did your husbands
say when our hellhounds ripped off and ate their testicles?"

5> "Wheel! Of! Misfortune! And now, your host...
Paaaaaaaat Satanjak!"

4> "I'll take 'No Matter What You Answer, You'll Suffer in Hell
for All Eternity' for $100, master."

3> "You can keep the cattle prod in your rectum or trade it
for what's behind the curtain next to Pol Pot."

2> "... and the Final Jeopardy category is: 'Random Strangers
Your Mom Has Fellated.'"


and Topfive.com's Number 1 Difference
if Game Shows Were Hosted by Satan...


1> All nine Hollywood Squares are occupied by Baldwin brothers.

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