APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

[Trackday Guru]

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage,
and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES____________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain:
______________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ______________________________

If less than your age, explain
______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________


ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No

B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No

C. A waterbed? __Yes __No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No

E. A tattoo? __Yes __No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)


ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________


REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend ___________________________________________________

How often you attend ________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

father? _____________

mother? _____________

pastor? _____________


SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

______________________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

______________________________________________________________

C: A woman's place is in the:

______________________________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

______________________________________________________________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________

______________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

______________________________________________________________

F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE
WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.


_________________________________________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)


_______________________________ ________________________________
Mother's Signature Father's Signature

_______________________________ ________________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and
non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do
not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would
cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be
notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases.
(you might watch your back)
To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy's Rules for Dating.

[Devil1]

lol

[DucDave]

one of the funniest things I have seen! excellent!

(uh...do you really have a daughter?)

[Trackday Guru]

uhh......yep. Actually, I have 3 kids.

[xbubbax]

thats funny

[Qfactor]

.........of your daughter....

Q

[MissTwisties]

*printed* ditto


This is awsome. I got 2 girls...one of them already has had a "boyfriend" for almost a year now (she's 12...) He's a good boy tho. His dad is a cop, too.

[Doc]

NAME______DOC________________ DATE OF BIRTH___8/6/70_____

HEIGHT___69"_______ WEIGHT____200_____ IQ___130______ GPA__4.0__

SOCIAL SECURITY #_123-34-6789__ DRIVERS LICENSE #__VT 12345678___

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES___Eagle Scout see attached__________

HOME ADDRESS__101 your mamas house_ CITY/STATE_Btown, VT__ ZIP_05401__

Do you have parents? _X_Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? _X_Yes ___No
If No, explain:
______________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married _____8_________________

If less than your age, explain
_My mom is a Ho._______________________________


ACCESSORIES SECTION:

A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes _x_No

B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes _x_No

C. A waterbed? __Yes _x_No

D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes _x_No

E. A tattoo? __Yes _x_No

F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes _x_No
pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

(IF YOU ANSWERED "YES" TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)


ESSAY SECTION:

In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?

__Wrong _______________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?

_Right __________

In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?

__Marriage _______________


REFERENCES SECTION:

Church you attend ___Yours ____________________________________

How often you attend __More often than you. _________

When would be the best time to interview your:

father? __After 5_______

mother? _ After 5________

pastor? __Normal Business hours______


SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers
are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

________My Head. ____________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

_Right arm __________________________________

C: A woman's place is in the:

___Where ever she wants to be.___________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

______My lack of partners________________________________________

E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ____Doctor or Lawyer______________________________________

F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

___Father_______________________________________________________

F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? ___No clue__________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE
WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.


__DOC Electronically signed.___________________________
Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)


_______X______________ _________X_______________________
Mother's Signature Father's Signature

___Pastor Fuzz___________ __Dick Colon________________________
Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman

Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and
non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do
not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would
cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be
notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases.
(you might watch your back)
To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy's Rules for Dating.

Complete financial statement, job history, lineage,
and current medical report from your doctor Pm'd attachment.