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So, I'm pretty sure I'm the only one stupid enough to do something like this, but just in case I'm not....
After a day of house hunting and general fucking about, I found myself at home yesterday evening, bored. I had the itch to do some dirt riding, even if it was just for an hour or two. So, I called up my old pal Jaret to see if he wanted to tag along. He is a horseshoer, and was in the middle of doing a horse (Jaret does horses), so he couldn't join me.
I said "Aw, fuck it, I'll just do a quick little ride by myself." This was my first mistake.
I ventured up into the vast woods across from my house, and traveled towards a big ass hill that everyone had a tough time making it up during my little dirt bike weekend. I figured, what the hell, there is no one around to see if I fuck up, so no pressure, right? So I get to the bottom of this hill, having never actually made it to the top, and take a deep breath. I then proceed to march up said hill as though it were my job - no sweat.This hill is pretty nasty - probably nearly 3/4 mile on rocky, rutted, incredibly steep terrain.
Once I got to the top, I felt pretty invincible. I thought to myself, "Self, I should quit while I'm ahead and go home now." But I didn't; I wanted to check out what was up there for trails. This was Mistake #2.
I followed a trail that I thought would loop around to the bottom of the hill. No one had been on this trail in some time, and there were lots of various logs and crap blocking the trail; I would fight my way around or through it. At this point, I noticed that time was passing, and it was getting dark. Mistake #3 followed - I figured, its probably shorter to just follow this trail where it ends, than to backtrack and go around all of that crap in the trail again.
This "trail" got progressively worse. Finally, I wound up at a juncture where I had to either get my bike over a fallen oak tree that was about 4 feet in diameter, or find a way through the woods. I picked option B. As I was negotiating my way around this tree, I fell. About 10 feet, into a "gulley" so to speak - It probably runs water in the spring. This didn't hurt much, but was a bit scary, as it was dark in this gulley, and my bike was on top of me.
I spent about an hour, trying to figure out a way to get my bike out of this gulley (I now hate the word gulley. Fuck.) The sides were incredibly soft and steep, and by this time I was exhausted. Also, the sun had gone down, and I had no fucking clue where I was, other than in a 40,000 acre forest. With bears and shit.
I realized that there was no way in hell I was getting my bike out of there by myself, and I could hear cars passing on a road, so I set out on foot. I followed the "trail", such as it was at that point, and found that it led to a backyard. Yay, I thought, I'm saved.
This backyard was actually a shooting range, with deer carcasses lying here and there, NO TRESPASSING signs ever six feet, and it belonged to a house that was located smack in the middle of a swamp. It looked like the beginning of a horror movie. I walked through the backyard, praying no one would come out and play the banjo from "Deliverance", or worse. I was mostly afraid because I was so exhausted, there was no way I would have been able to defend myself. A strange thought, I know, but I was at a house in the middle of a swamp.
Anyway, this post is too fucking long now. Here's the rest: I had to walk about 3 miles home in the dark, wearing MX boots. My wife was ready to kill me, she had called our police officer buddy with the K-9 dog and they were basically prepping to track me. My brother in law went with me to the scary house, we knocked on the door, but no one was home. We then hiked into the woods, in the dark, and extracted my bike (after about 1/2 hour of failed attempts).
Moral of the story: Dont ride alone in the woods, and if you cant abide by that, bring a goddamn cell phone.
PS - I will post some pics to go with this rambling story.....
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I wouldn't likely try a nasty hill or go exploring though... Tried and true terrain. 
I went by myself, knowone wanted to go. It was just me and the 450 on the trails
I dont think I'll admit this story to anyone in person, I am stoopid.
