D'oh - Tales of Personal Stupidity

[capitalcrew]

My first couple times strapping a bike down I did it on the kickstand. I learned though.

I have also blown a main/ignition fuse after shorting something out. Dumb.

Not my personal stupidity, but I bought a tl1000 that had the top end replaced and the guy could never get it to run. I set the timing twice and still had the same problem. After doing some research it turns out the idler for the cams can be off 180 degrees with respect to tdc or something, I don't even remember. I had to advance the gear with the timing chain off a certain number of teeth (it had an odd number) and then reset the timing. Rode that thing to nashville after, ran great. Got it very cheap because of that issue.

[tsorfas]

I bought 2 bikes since becoming a father. Even stupider, I registered one this year.

[feralchimp]

^^^ These posts are amazing and also nausea-inducing as hell. That turbo thing...got dayum. Am certain others have made that same mistake but perhaps with fewer brand new parts in the mix.

A couple of my greatest hits:

1. Made a big deal to 'highway prep' the '86 virago 1100 before riding cross country. *Right* after getting on 90 West, I pull over to take a ceremonial photo. Lose footing, tip the bike to the right, snap the windshield into 3 pieces on the guardrail, need to ask a trucker to help me get the bike upright again. The other 7500 or so miles of the trip went fine by comparison.

2. A couple years ago, a couple of you probably had the (mis)fortune to witness me trying to dead-blow hammer the sprocket carrier back onto the rear wheel of an R6 at a track day. "Why doesn't it fit?!?!" Cush drive rubber was installed wrong.

[number9]

I bought 2 bikes since becoming a father. Even stupider, I registered one this year.

I just bought a house with a garage and a lift.

I have no project car.

[jim v]

OP asked about motorcycle-related bonehead mistakes, not car-related.

Let's go for it - all vehicular related bonehead mistakes........

[jim v]

Thank you for this thread, makes me feel like less of a moron...

Exactly why this thread was created.

[Tricky Mike]

No motorcycle involvement, but I got so stoned once in NYC that I said "excuse me" to my own reflection before walking into a mirror.

[Chippertheripper]

No motorcycle involvement, but I got so stoned once in NYC that I said "excuse me" to my own reflection before walking into a mirror.

Did you at least blow a kiss to yourself as you passed by?!

[Paul_E_D]

Ok, 2 car greatest hits come to mind. I bought 77 mini street/race car. I blueprinted a 1380cc motor build for it. I installed a fancy new hi-torque starter to fire the beast up reliably. Also installed a fancy ignition/distributor. Somehow, when I installed the distributor the gears didn't mesh and in my excitement to hear the new motor growl, I neglected to turn it a full revolution by hand and keyed the starter. BANG! the cam flexed and broke the boss in the block.

[Kurlon]

I just bought a house with a garage and a lift.

I have no project car.

Yet...

[Paul_E_D]

Then, last moth we were trying to sell the mazdaspeed. It had sat for months and the battery died dead. Bought a new one and fitted it up... backwards Blew the main link and some other high amp fuses. sold it at a loss.

[gixxer72]

Took my CRF450 out in the spring for a first ride. Got 1/2 mile away from the truck and it dies in a sand pit. Kicked it until my leg was numb, no fire. Long walk pushing that bitch out of the sand. Got home and pulled the seat, no airfilter. The previous winter i had serviced the bike and did everything except the filter, and had stuffed some paper towels into the carb boot so nothing got or fell in there. Those paper towels had been sucked in under the slide and into the intake. Fucking moron. Proper pre-ride inspections are key...

[MUZ720]

After drinking more then a few beers and maybe some Bourbon? My friend and I figured we would start up his old race bike up and do burnouts? He left to go get the key I figured I would connect the battery.... well I then hooked the positive to the negative! sparks , sparks then fire and smoke! Fried the wiring harness! Worst or Best thing was we didn't get to do burnouts! The bike did race again!

[Garandman]

Just gotten the Tiger 1050 and still had a VStrom with Jesse aluminum bags. Put the Tiger on a rear stand.

For some reason had to push it forward. Picked up the back of the paddock stand a little and gave it a push.

The left wheels went into a hole in the driveway and the bike tipped left. It fell precisely so that the fuel tank got creased by the Jesse bag, then the bag got bent by the Triumph.

The first thought through my head was “2 seconds, $450.”

[e30addict]

Got on the bike and folded the kick stand up. Realize I need to get something out of my bag. Lean bike over on to kickstand and step off in one quick combined movement. I'd forgotten to put the kickstand down.

Sadly been there, done that too. No coffee in morning, rode to work. Wow, it's leaning over kinda far.....fuuuuuuucccckkkkkkkkk. I didn't have enough strength to stop it, but managed to lower it slowly. Collected my thoughts, took a picture while my blood pressure lowered and picked it up properly.

[Stoneman]

It seems like I see this a lot with Harley's in the backs of trucks

I see it with ALL kinds, even scooters.

[feralchimp]

No motorcycle involvement, but I got so stoned once in NYC that I said "excuse me" to my own reflection before walking into a mirror.

Holy shit I just laughed my ass off on a work video call.

[xrocket21]

All you tip over guys...

When I was practicing to get my license in MA, the requirements are ridiculous on an RC51, I failed the first time as I put my foot down (it is lock to lock on the rc doing the circles and figure 8 in the space allotted). I practiced in a parking lot over and over. One time it stalled and started to tip. That heavy bitch made it about 6 inches from the ground tipping over and I saved it and stood it back up. Even in my 20's, fuck me did that hurt my back.

[PeaPod]

Not me, but my brother. He was 15-16 and thought it would be helpful to change my fathers oil in his Blazer. Nice gesture!

Next day my father and I head up to Bradley airport to pick up my friend flying in from Florida. We are a good hour one-way to the airport. Halfway back the truck is loosing power and making some horrible noises and smells from underneath. We limp it home for the last half hour on the highway at about 15mph not knowing what the heck is going on. Get it to a shop to look at it later and find out my brother drained the transmission fluid not the oil, haha!

I think this is more cluelessness than stupidity, but still cost my father a new transmission and he might argue for stupidity in this case.

[capitalcrew]

So did the engine have twice the oil it should have?

[nhbubba]

Surf's up!

[e30addict]

Surf's up!

I think that scared me more then you. You were just like nothing to see here, carry on.

[Garandman]

Got a chance to ride a nice shiny new Buell Ulysses. Took a little spin, came back, put kickstand down and got off. There was just a slight incline in the pavement. As we both stood behind the bike, it rolled forward and down she went.

"Oh, yeah, meant to tell you about that." Apparently this was a known thing - but not to me!

The kickstand, called a Jiffy Stand, is extra long to accommodate the tall bike which is said to have 6.5 inches of clearance. However, the kickstand is not the spring loaded pop-out ones many a motorcyclist might be used to, While there is a return spring there (I had to look to make sure), it seemed to have a mind of its own and I suspect such a simple thing maybe was meant to be that way. I also noticed the pivot point was near the front of the motorcycle, rather than in the middle like your average everyday bike. It deploys easily with the kick of a well placed heel and simply making sure the bike was planted when hopping off was the trick. The kick stand isn't hooked up into any kill switch, so you can start the bike and ride off with the kickstand down.

Each time getting off the bike, it was essential to turn the bike off, leave it in gear and make sure the bike was firmly planted before walking away. While the average motorcycle would probably just idle quietly in neutral, this is no average motorcycle. The sheer rhythmic vibration of the motor at idle had a tendency to roll the bike off the kickstand with any sort of downward slope.

Pulled out two $20's. Ironically a lot of VStrom owners changed to Buell turn signals because they were cheaper and the rubber stalk was more flexible. Not this time....

[nhbubba]

I think that scared me more then you. You were just like nothing to see here, carry on.

I was actually embarrassed as all fuck. Day and a half into a 10 day trip with some relative strangers and I go and do that.
At least we were underway again in like 30 min and finished the trip.

Runner up would be the time Chipper lent me his sweet 990 and said "just don't drop it!" and then I went and dropped it in a 2" puddle on a flat gravel road.

Where do we go from here?

How about the time I dropped my SV in front of everyone pushing it to tech at like my 4th or 5th track day, bent the left side peg and froze up the rear brake, failing tech.
Or the time I changed the air cleaner in the DL. While I had the airbox apart I wedged a sheet of paper towel in the intake boot to keep anything from falling into the valves.. then re-assembled the bike and got all kinds of ECU errors 3 miles down the road. Only to find I'd forgotten to remove the paper towel and it was now wedged in the intake flapper.
Or the time I got distracted in traffic and rode right into the back of a stopped SUV, smashing their tail-light and splitting the rad on the DL wide open.
Or the time I was trying to keep up with people on real dirt bikes and treed my Kawasaki KLX400, smashing most of the unobtanium stock green plastics. (Bike became DRZ black after that.)
Or the time I inexplicably grabbed a massive handful of front brake for no legitimate reason in the wet heading into T1 @ Loudon and low sided so fast the bike shattered the clutch when it hit the airfence. Airfence went 10' into the air too!
.. the time I was swapping tires on the DL and the bike fell off the makeshift stand I had. Toppled over with both wheels removed.
..the time I forgot to secure the gas cap before heading out for a race at boxshop. 2 laps in they flagged me as I was spilling gas everywhere (notably on my crotch).
..the time I drove over a friends ez-up moving my trailer at a track day for no real rational reason.

I haven't oiled a track.. yet.
I haven't blown up an engine.. yet.

[typeone]

No motorcycle involvement, but I got so stoned once in NYC that I said "excuse me" to my own reflection before walking into a mirror.

i can dig it ... "sssssip, eer"

moved into our new house (from a small condo) with way too much lawn ... all pumped for one of the first mows with a riding mower (pro class), i proceed to get filthy stoned in the garage before mounting up ... take not even one lap and i dump the mower into a steep ditch in the front yard right on the main drag ... neighbor drives by and sees the New Village Idiot and brings chains to help me drag it out with my Jeep.