Marines..

[Sportygurl131]

lol

[naked-daytrader]

These 3 Marines were sitting in a bar.

One of them says..."Hey I betcha I can take that girl up stairs, drink that bottle of whisky, and finish her off in 1 hour" So they say "Okay prove it"

He comes back down 59 Minutes later, bottle of whisky empty and girl thoroughly pleased.

So the next Marine says "I can beat that! I can take those 2 girsl up stairs, drink 2 bottles of whisky, and finish them off in 30mins" So they say "Okay prove it"

He comes back down 29 Minutes later, bottles of whisky empty and girls thoroughly pleased.

The last Marine says "I can beat both of you! I can take those 3 girls up stairs, drink 3 bottles of whisky, and finish them off in 15mins" So they say "Okay prove it"

So 15 minutes goes by, then 30, then 45, then over an hour.

So they go upstairs and check on him and they see three bottles of whisky empty, 3 girls thoroughly pleased, and him sitting in the corner shivering! And they ask "What happend?"

He said "I was about to get going when some guy kicked in the door, booted me in the nutz, drank the three bottles of whisky, fucked the hell out of those girls, then jumped out the window and yelled "AIRBORNE"'

Wow, that was lame...I'm sure that joke was a big hit in ranger school...your instructor must've told you that one, then I'm sure all you nasties with the wrinkled uniforms, and squished in covers had a good ole laugh....

[nilez]

These 3 Marines were sitting in a bar.

One of them says..."Hey I betcha I can take that girl up stairs, drink that bottle of whisky, and finish her off in 1 hour" So they say "Okay prove it"

He comes back down 59 Minutes later, bottle of whisky empty and girl thoroughly pleased.

So the next Marine says "I can beat that! I can take those 2 girsl up stairs, drink 2 bottles of whisky, and finish them off in 30mins" So they say "Okay prove it"

He comes back down 29 Minutes later, bottles of whisky empty and girls thoroughly pleased.

The last Marine says "I can beat both of you! I can take those 3 girls up stairs, drink 3 bottles of whisky, and finish them off in 15mins" So they say "Okay prove it"

So 15 minutes goes by, then 30, then 45, then over an hour.

So they go upstairs and check on him and they see three bottles of whisky empty, 3 girls thoroughly pleased, and him sitting in the corner shivering! And they ask "What happend?"

He said "I was about to get going when some guy kicked in the door, booted me in the nutz, drank the three bottles of whisky, fucked the hell out of those girls, then jumped out the window and yelled "AIRBORNE"'

HOOAH took my rifle??? Seriously, have you guys seen it?


EDIT: Took you longer than I expected to join in, Daytrader...

[Mondo]

actually still waiting to go to Ranger....state of mass has no $ to send me now and im stuck in a Delta Company and the MTOE doesn't call for the officer slot to be ranger qualified, so I'm fighting an uphill battle to get into that school.

My old PSG told me that joke, and he happend to be....a Marine

Holy shit this site has a ton of Marines on here huH?

[Mondo]

HOOAH took my rifle??? Seriously, have you guys seen it?

HAHAH I LOVE IT! that legit made me laugh

[nilez]

I think after reading the shenanigans this thread offers, Sportygurl will choose a lucrative civilian career...

[Mondo]

haha if shes smart....or go coasties and get stationed in Miami or San Diego (german for a whales vagina) or somewhere warm

[Sportygurl131]

nah just getting some good insights... lol with doing some more research.. i geuss air force or army is my better options... any one know some recruiters i can talk to ?

[Mondo]

www.goarmy.com

set u up with a recruiter

[nilez]

nah just getting some good insights... lol with doing some more research.. i geuss air force or army is my better options... any one know some recruiters i can talk to ?

Easy as this:

http://www.goarmy.com/contact/find_a_recruiter.jsp

Or... you can talk to one right now without getting out of your chair:

http://www.goarmy.com/ChatIndex.do?redirect=true

[Sportygurl131]

already saw those links didnt know if you guys knew any "buddies" that did recruiting.. i feel like every recruiter i talk to gives me the runabout and avoids my questions

[nilez]

That's why they're called recruiters!

But no, I don't know any Army recruiters up your way.

[Just_Jeff]

Basic rule of thumb
ignore anything and everything a recruiter tells you
Believe what you see in writing and even then its subject to change
its called the Military Way

[JunoAF]

already saw those links didnt know if you guys knew any "buddies" that did recruiting.. i feel like every recruiter i talk to gives me the runabout and avoids my questions

Hey sporty, I can probably hook you up with some names and numbers to some Air Force recruiters if you want. I've been in the Air Force for almost 9 years now and I've loved every second of it. We are always looking for doc's and since you already have a BA in biology, you could even go through the Air Force medical school and come out as an officer on the AF's dime. If you are interested, send me a PM. Oh the recruiters I talk about are out here in western MA but im sure they could point you in a directions closer to your side

Nate

[nilez]

I think it's time to change the title of this thread... Maybe a *NSFM* precursor in front of it (Not Safe For Marines)...

[Woodsy]

You can't get fucked out of a commision if you meet the criteria. Bachelors degree will get you a commision. Period.

BS you can if you are in a "critical rate" i have seen it before. it is not common but as a nuke (we have a higher drop rate than SEALS) I have personally seen someone fucked out of a commission because there rate could not support them leaving.

[Doc]

BS you can if you are in a "critical rate" i have seen it before. it is not common but as a nuke (we have a higher drop rate than SEALS) I have personally seen someone fucked out of a commission because there rate could not support them leaving.

Ok but that sounds like they got into one heck of a job. Working with Nukes and having critical skills seems kinda more important than becoming an officer. "The needs of the military out weigh our own".

That said it sounds like he fucked himself by getting into a critical job.

Back to the Marine Bashing!

It seems that after WWI, the war to end all wars, the US Govt. had a lot of surplus material that they had no use for. What to do with it was a problem, and it was finally decided to hold an auction and sell everything off.

The day of the auction came, and progressed smoothly throughout the day. At the end of the day, everything had been sold off except the Marines and an old jackass.

Not wanting anything left over, the govt. decided to flip a coin between the Army and Navy, the winner getting their choice of the two left over items.

The Army won the toss, and the rest is history.

[Doc]

A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant Marines. They come to the bar and order five bottles of beer and ten glasses. They take their order over and sit down at a large table. The caps are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Soon three more Marines arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more Marines show up and soon their voices are are joined in raising the roof, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Finally the tenth Marine comes in with a picture under his arm, he walks over to the table, and sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts.

Up jump the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the cookie monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit the bartender asks one of the Marines, "Whats all the chanting and celebration about?"

The Marine who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that Marines are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought this puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days."

[Doc]

An Army Ranger was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana and he wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Ranger shouted, "maybe I'll just go out and get my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes made at a reasonable price!"

The vendor said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you will run into a couple of Marines who were in here earlier saying the same thing."

So the Ranger headed into the bayou that same day and a few hours later came upon two men standing waist deep in the water. He thought, "those must be the two Marines the guy in town was talking about." Just then, the Ranger saw a tremendously long gator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines.

Just as the gator was about to attack, the Marine grabbed its neck with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort. Then both Marines dragged it on shore and flipped it on its back. Laying nearby were several more of the creatures. One of the Marines then exclaimed, "Darn, this one doesn't have any shoes either!"

[Doc]

I sat, as did millions of other Americans, and watched as our government underwent a peaceful transition of power. I was proud as Mr. Bush took his oath of office.
I was sad as I watched Mr. Clinton board Air Force One for the final time. It may surprise you that this made me sad, but watching this part of the days festivities, I saw 21 United States Marines in full dress, with M-16s, fire a 21 gun salute to the outgoing President.

It was then that I realized how far America's military had deteriorated.


Every last one of them missed.....

[Doc]

Not bashing in this one. A little respect.


A college professor, an avowed Atheist, was teaching his class.

He shocked several of his students when he flatly stated he was going to prove there was no God.

Addressing the ceiling he shouted: "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!"

The lecture room fell silent. You could have heard a pin fall.

Ten minutes went by. Again he taunted God, saying, "Here I am, God. I'm still waiting."

His count-down got down to the last couple of minutes when a Marine - just released from active duty and newly registered in the class - walked up to the professor, hit him full force in the face, and sent him tumbling from his lofty platform.

The professor was out cold! At first, the students were shocked and babbled in confusion. The young Marine took a seat in the front row and sat silent.

The class fell silent...waiting.

Eventually, the professor came to, shaken he looked at the young Marine in the front row. When the professor regained his senses and could speak he asked: "What's the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

"God was busy. He sent the Marines."

[Doc]

Subject: MARINE ENTRANCE EXAM
Time Limit: 3 WKS
Name: _____________________________

1. What language is spoken in France?

2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.

3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
___ (a) build a bridge
___ (b) sail the ocean
___ (c) lead an army or
___ (D) WRITE A PLAY!!!!

4. What religion is the Pope? (check only one)
___ (a) Jewish
___ (b) Catholic
___ (c) Hindu
___ (d) Polish
___ (e) Agnostic

5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?

6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?

7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)

8. What are people in America's far north called?
___ (a) Westerners
___ (b) Southerners
___ (c) Northerners

9. Spell: Bush, Carter, and Clinton
Bush: ________________
Carter: ______________
Clinton: _____________

10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five:

11. Where does rain come from?
___ (a) Macy's
___ (b) a 7-11
___ (c) Canada
___ (d) the sky

12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
___ (a) yes
___ (b) no

13. What are coat hangers used for?

14. The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for what country?

15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR- spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.

16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?

17. Which part of America produces the most oranges?
___ (a) New York
___ (b) Florida
___ (c) Canada
___ (d) Wisconsin

18. Advanced math. If you have three apples, how many apples do you have?

19. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corporation) stand for?

20. The Cornell University tradition for efficiency began when (approximately)?
___ (a) B.C.
___ (b) A.D.

* You must correctly answer three or more questions to qualify

* If you are stuck on any questions, you may ask the monitor for help.

[Doc]

OK last one... For now.

Two Marines boarded a quick shuttle flight out of Dallas, headed for Houston. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat.
Just before take-off, A Soldier got on and took the aisle seat next to the two Marines. The Soldier kicked off his boots, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Marine in the window seat said,"I think I'll get up and get a coke."

"No problem," said the Soldier, "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, the Marine picked up the Soldier's boot and spit in it.

When the Soldier returned with the coke, the other Marine said, "That looks good, I think I'll have one too."

Again, the Soldier obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the Marine picked up the other boot and spit in it.

The Soldier returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to Houston.

As the plane was landing, the Soldier slipped his feet into his boots and knew immediately what had happened.

"How long must this go on?" the Soldier asked. "This fighting between our groups? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in boots and pissing in cokes?"

[nilez]

A bartender is sitting behind the bar on a typical day, when the door bursts open and in come four exuberant Marines. They come to the bar and order five bottles of beer and ten glasses. They take their order over and sit down at a large table. The caps are popped, the glasses are filled and they begin toasting and chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Soon three more Marines arrive, take up their drinks and the chanting grows, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Two more Marines show up and soon their voices are are joined in raising the roof, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" Finally the tenth Marine comes in with a picture under his arm, he walks over to the table, and sets the picture in the middle and the table erupts.

Up jump the others, they begin dancing around the table, exchanging high-fives, all the while chanting, "51 days, 51 days, 51 days!" The bartender can't contain his curiosity any longer, so he walks over to the table. There in the center is a beautifully framed child's puzzle of the cookie monster. When the frenzy dies down a little bit the bartender asks one of the Marines, "Whats all the chanting and celebration about?"

The Marine who brought in the picture pipes in, "Everyone thinks that Marines are dumb and they make fun of us. So, we decided to set the record straight. Ten of us got together, bought this puzzle and put it together. The side of the box said 2-4 years, but we put it together in 51 days."

c'mon Doc, I expect better from you than substituting the word "blonde" for "Marine" in a joke...

EDIT: Holy shit! Did you google this crap? I walk away from the computer to watch Rescue Me, and your jokes multiply like Jon and Kate + 8...

[Doc]

c'mon Doc, I expect better from you than substituting the word "blonde" for "Marine" in a joke...

You can do that with just about any blonde Joke.